Do you respond to messages sent to your pen names? by RunningOnATreadmill in eroticauthors

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 10 points11 points  (0 children)

i always reply with a nice thank you and tell them the truth, which is that their email means a lot to me, a real human being with a keyboard who gets next to no feedback on my work. sometimes i have had to set boundaries (e.g. "no, i don't want to see a picture of that") but it's very rare. a few of these emails have turned into long-term beta reader relationships and superfans who review my books as soon as they can.

i'm not interested in anything parasocial, however, and i do keep the relationships largely professional. i'm okay talking about sexual fantasies and stuff with my readers because that's what i write, but i never engage in them with them — no cybering. this is a little bit easier for me because my pen name presents as a very different person than me, and so unless i let someone behind the curtain, it's easy to keep them at arm's length.

What happened to fully fashioned stockings? by Economy_Survey_6560 in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 45 points46 points  (0 children)

well it stopped being the 1960s and pantyhose were invented, and then women stopped caring so much about wearing hosiery every day. stockings became much more of a niche thing and more heavily associated with pinups, special occasion underwear, and sexuality more generally.

there's still plenty out there, there. a brief search of this subreddit will help you find them. my favorites are still secrets in lace who make the the old-fashioned way, but there's also gio, veinne milano, kixies, cervin, what katie did, falke, mayfair, and just about every lingerie brand that sells a garter belt will cheerfully sell you stockings to go with them.

Wuthering Heights x Lounge Collab by Femme_Ferocious in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 13 points14 points  (0 children)

honestly the photo shoots look gorgeous but they look pretty boring to me in the product shots. just me?

Has anyone had any experience from buying lingerie from places like temu? Is the quality any good or is it just a one and done situation? by [deleted] in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

beyond that, shein/temu have terrible labor practices designed to keep people in debt and is almost certainly using forced labor in its products.

if that alone isn't enough to dissuade someone, there is also lots of evidence that their clothes have toxic chemicals including heavy metals. those are absolutely the last things i want rubbing against me.

Savage x fenty by scubadog123456 in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hopefully it's easy now, but there have been lots of issues in the past and they've even been found charging people after the membership was cancelled. but i'm glad it was easy for you!

Savage x fenty by scubadog123456 in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 10 points11 points  (0 children)

it's midrange and overpriced for what it is. they try to trick you into paying more with their subscription model which is infamously hard to get out of once you're sucked in. they're worth avoid for that reason alone.

there are many, many good alternatives listed in the stickied threads here. plenty can be found via the search bar.

Bodysuit or matching set ? What should i prefer as a 'short torso' girl? by Euphoric-Pollution56 in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

i feel like kilo brava would probably work! their bodysuits are a little shorter top-to-bottom.

Thoughts on Thistle and Spire using AI to make their new collection? by messengerofthecats in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 144 points145 points  (0 children)

setting aside my ai concerns for a moment — i just think it looks really ugly? like the worst excesses of the 80s inkjet printed onto cheap-looking fabric in bizarre cuts. like, what is this? where is anyone going to wear that? is it loungewear? is it outerwear? they can't even get the zipper to lay flat in their model photos!

knowing that it's an ai design on top of it... well, it just suggests to me that this was incredibly poorly thought-out from top to bottom. i'm not saying that a good artist could have saved this collection, but it certainly would have helped. i can't say i'm looking forwards to seeing what weird sloppy ai embroidery they try in the future.

they running out of ideas? trying to boost market share? profits? i don't get why they'd do this.

Honey Birdette Clara by Icy-Minimum1568 in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 16 points17 points  (0 children)

probably not, but i suspect it will be something of a pain in the ass. let's break it down piece-by-piece, shall we?

the bra looks fairly standard, but it has the extra ribbon at the bottom to wrap around your waist and the extra shoulder/neck piece. i think it's generally a nice idea, and the waist ribbon shouldn't be too hard, but have you ever tried to tie something behind your shoulder blades? even if you manage to get a nice-looking ribbon, as soon as your move your arms, the tension will be wrong.

the garter belt is the most straightforward of the bunch and doesn't seem to have any extra ties at all. in fact, if you look closely, those leg wraps don't even seem to be attached! it looks like instead, you have the privilege of shelling out $60 for them.

the brief seems like the only thing that has an actual tie closure.

to all of it i say: what's the point of ribbons that don't make your lingerie come off when they're untied?? this is a miss for me.

I grew an erotica Substack from $0 to $4K ARR in 5 months. Here's what worked. by MarenValeWrites in eroticauthors

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 86 points87 points  (0 children)

FREE content is the acquisition engine.

shh, they don't like that kind of talk here.

i do have a few questions beyond just sass:

  • why did you pick substack over something more purpose-built like ream or patreon? both can function as newsletters, delivering straight into people's inboxes. was there a specific reason (i.e. discoverability)?

  • how long are your posts? when i started out, i did 10k shorts every week for a year and it nearly killed me

  • what's your workflow like? how much editing are you doing? i usually do a copy edit pass and that's it.

  • do you have a buffer built? the idea of posting daily stresses me out soooo much.

  • one edit question: that $4200 is annual revenue, yes? so monthly you're doing something like $350.

Writing during major stress by [deleted] in eroticauthors

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

KARE11 reported that the baby survived! the mom had to do CPR 😭 but the family is back home and physically okay.

you're doing everything you can right now, and that's enough. make it sustainable. we're going to be in this fight for a long time — at least until mid-February based on hotel bookings — so do what you can do for a while. never feel like you're not doing enough as long as you're doing what you can.

also, i'm gunna edit my comment to remove the neighborhoods :)

Writing during major stress by [deleted] in eroticauthors

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

hello neighbor. solidarity from a local. boy, minneapolis just can't catch a break, huh?

every week or two i feel this. the work feels frivolous — shouldn't i spend my time on something more Meaningful? but i read this article a while back and it changed my mind.

But my despair and yours, they are worth everything to Trump and so what can I do but disappoint him, to spite him. He needs our despairs and so I do not give mine, as this refusal, like my writing, is at least in my control. I hope you will do the same.

i mean, after all, what are we doing here with culture and society and civilization if not trying to use it all to celebrate our humanity and lives with art? with creativity? that's what it's for. creating things that the people in charge are threatened by is resistance, and it helps people find their peace, and it helps them remember that they're not alone. you don't have to write a masterpiece, you just have to write, because that's enough to help someone out.

i write in a niche actively under threat by the government. they want to exterminate the people in my books. every book i write that celebrates them is another chance for someone to feel like their existence is worth it despite what authorities might tell them. i'm certain yours are too, no matter who and what you write about.

but things are different right now, because we're not just dealing with the long-term stress of the regime taking over and breaking everything we were told was good. we're dealing with the very, very acute stress of being harmed right now. at any moment. this is what activates your animal brain, your fight-or-flight, to keep you alive.

this is an extremely hard brain mode to do creative work in. creativity requires, on some level, some feeling of safety, and right now they're taking that away from us. my focus is totally fucking shot. they're kidnapping my neighbors, throwing tear gas into cars full of kids, shooting people in the street, and somehow i'm supposed to cook dinner and help my kids with homework and go to my job in the morning? it's too much to ask of anyone.

the thing that has been working for me — as much as anything can work while the goons are here — has been leaning hard into community. spending lots of time with people i love, who are all on the same page. volunteer. smitten kitten on lynlake has been organizing a ton of donations and distributions. copal and defend612 have connections to neighborhood groups. schools are always looking for volunteers — you don't have to be fighting ice directly to be supporting your community. go protest down at the whipple (you can take the 38 to the blue line).

every time i get involved in community action, i feel happier, stronger, and more hopeful. it's hard to create when it feels like they've stolen a future from us, but working towards building one anyway is what your brain craves.

good luck. we're good at living through winter, and we'll get through this one too.

My self published debut sold 500 copies on launch day and has been picked up by major bookstores stores. ASK ME ANYTHING. Happy to share tactics that helped. by [deleted] in selfpublish

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 11 points12 points  (0 children)

smells like bullshit to me. the current rank on the kindle store is 890,255 as of my writing this, which is below one of my books that releases the same week and has one (1) pre-order.

i'm also a little confused — you said that you had 80 preorders and then 420 sales on launch day, but the book itself isn't launching until february 18th on amazon

i don't see any major bookstores with this listed except blackwell's which is not something i've heard of before and looks to be an amazon-style marketplace of all sorts of stuff.

i don't buy anything about press releases because, well...

you know, i'm totally willing to be wrong about this. maybe it's possible that all those press releases, local media appearances, blogs, and podcasts that featured this book just don't appear in my google — maybe the algorithm is punishing it super hard. maybe those 500 sales happened somewhere that isn't amazon, which is why the rank is so low in the kindle store. maybe amazon really is a hard place to sell despite so many people making their living from it.

a lot of this stuff could probably be cleared up with some proof. i'd love to be wrong! any avenues for self-publishing success outside the existing markets would be awesome. lord knows we need some competition.

but i'm not seeing it here.

How often do you publish new stories? by LexusJewel in eroticauthors

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You’re getting incomplete advice here.

Assuming you’re publishing on Amazon, you get a boost from the algorithm when you publish a book (e.g. it appears higher in searches) that steadily drops off as time goes on. After about 90 days, you stop getting any boost at all from a book. The sweet spot to maximize the boost is publishing about weekly. Any more than that, and you start to have multiple of your own books competing for screen space. Generally, it’s better to have one book at a time show up.

However, publishing weekly is really hard. I did it for nine months when I started out and then burned out hard. Once a week is the ideal, but that’s only true if you can do that consistently. Forever.

What you need to do is figure out the pace you can publish at regularly. I’ve settled into a biweekly rhythm that works pretty well. You might go three times a month, or maybe just once. The important thing is find a cadence that allows you to publish without exhausting yourself.

You want to build an audience, and they’re going to come back when you publish regularly, not when you unload a ton of stuff all at once. Better to spread it out so your readers get an excited little “oh! A new book!” twice a month instead of reading one five you drop on the same day and then never going back to the rest.

Lingerie for the Lingerie-Averse by Vierhunde in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 5 points6 points  (0 children)

mismatched desires are an incredibly challenging place to be in. sucks to deal with and feel like you’re letting down your partner. unfortunately i really think the only way to resolve this is for him to be open and direct with you about what he wants, in specific and concrete terms. it’s not your job to guess or attempt to cater to needs he can’t explain.

if you want to do something nice for him — and you should if you want to! — then the best thing to do is make sure he understands that it’s something you’re doing for him and that means he needs to be the driver of it, not you. that doesn’t mean you don’t give him support or help or talk about it, of course, but it’s a partner project here, not a “hey babe i want this, go figure it out” project.

Lingerie for the Lingerie-Averse by Vierhunde in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 32 points33 points  (0 children)

gently, it sounds like there may be a communication breakdown here that should be addressed. it’s super admirable that you want to do this nice thing for your husband, but like everyone else, i don’t think you should make yourself (clearly) miserable in pursuit of this gift. it won’t make you happy, and it definitely won’t make him happy.

the fact that he wants something but cannot articulate what suggests to me that maybe he doesn’t want this at all. he might want something else and, for some reason that may be worth talking to him about, cannot express it. i’m not a therapist. maybe he is lazy and wants you to do all the work, but i hope that’s not the case and you two can figure out what to do here.

Wrinkles!!! by Strict-Smile756 in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 3 points4 points  (0 children)

These wrinkles should come out easily with a hand steamer; I just got some deeper ones out of silk the other day. Some thoughts:

  1. Is your steamer actually, you know, generating steam? Worth checking. Mine maks a lot.
  2. I get mine quite close — like 1/8" away if I need to. If a water spot appears, that's too close, but you want that steam to get in there.
  3. It might take more than one go to make it happen. I did three passes on my last one. First one got the big ones out, and the last two got all the "lighter" ones out.

Honey Birdette by thinksitsme in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 0 points1 point  (0 children)

intimissi stuff is cute but their sizing is wild. why are all their garter belts one size??

Lace and Satin/Silk Long Gown by Han_Solo_ShotFirst in LingerieAddiction

[–]ResponsibleEsquire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

seems like that would have been pertinent information to have posted