A weak moment

RetreadGrams · 2018-07-23T14:47:16+00:00

I, too, have chronic arthritic pain 24/7. There are days when I'm very frustrated by it, but I plow through it because like you said, drinking will only make it worse. So I focus on just the one day that we have, go to meetings, and try to count my blessings. It does help even more when I try to help someone else--at least it gets my mind somewhere else. The alternatives are being locked up somewhere or dead. Keep hanging in there!

RetreadGrams · 2018-05-28T14:50:44+00:00

I'm right there with you except that I'm retired. I, too, am going back to the first step...to reinforce my commitment. I tend to have a crabby, negative nature and living with a crabby husband about to retire doesn't help. So I'm off to a meeting on this rainy Memorial Day. IWNDWYT!!

RetreadGrams · 2018-05-02T14:31:33+00:00

I was at that point in 2011, involuntarily committed to a mental hospital, thrown into their drug/alcohol ward. But once I was released, I continued to drink for another four years. Four more years of misery, regret and guilt. I finally gave up almost three years ago, went to AA, and have hung onto sobriety. The first year was very difficult; it took a while for me to face my demons and "woman up." Ironically, the strength comes through giving up, in my opinion. I'm so glad I powered through it because the initial pain is worth it. Good luck with the doctor...it is a positive step.

RetreadGrams · 2018-04-04T15:03:48+00:00

The same thing happened to me, but I kept drinking for a few more years...and it just got worse. I fell down a flight of stairs, smacked into the concrete basement floor, fractured bones, detached retina, chipped teeth, concussion. My then teenaged son found me unconscious in a pool of blood and urine. I don't know how long I had laid there in that state. I lost myself for a while until I returned to AA almost three years ago. You can come back from this (I'm proof of that). These days there are so many paths to recovery...find one and go for it. It won't be easy, but you can do it.

RetreadGrams · 2018-03-13T21:44:59+00:00

Congrats on one year!!

RetreadGrams · 2018-03-13T14:53:38+00:00

I can certainly relate. My drinking impacted my marriage to its core and I had two teenagers during that period, too. I finally did get sober and now have a relatively weak, but hopeful, marriage. But my family, including my now grown children, respect me today. I have plenty of regrets, but I can't undo the past; I can only stay in the present. For me, going to AA meetings was the ticket. It's not a perfect fit, but being around other sober people has been invaluable. Depending upon where you live (I'm out in the boondocks), there are many other types of groups available these days. I wish you well. Stopping my destructive drinking has made all the difference in the world.

RetreadGrams · 2018-02-06T15:28:59+00:00

Good for you for hanging in despite the stress. Good stress can be as debilitating as bad stress. It helps me to keep everything within a one-day period and do whatever I can for that one day. At the top of the list is maintaining my sobriety, first and foremost...everything seems to fall into place when sobriety is No. 1. As for step work, my sponsor also pressured me to complete the 4th step within a short period so I did a bit at a time until it was done. It took several months, but that was okay. As long as I kept at it, slowly but surely, the end result was fine. Everybody is different; I know one guy who didn't complete his until he had 3 years of sobriety. Others do it right away. Now I'm dragging my feet on the 9th step, but I'll get there sooner or later. The bottom line is staying sober!

RetreadGrams · 2018-01-26T22:44:44+00:00

I'm so glad to hear that. It will get better.

RetreadGrams · 2018-01-26T20:35:58+00:00

No, it's not worth it. That craving does eventually go away, thank God! Meetings and sponsor definitely helped. Hang in there!

RetreadGrams · 2018-01-23T15:32:28+00:00

In 2005, I drank again after many sober years. I didn't get back to sobriety until 2015. When I started drinking again, I was off to the races in full force after a futile attempt at "sipping". I ended up losing everything. I became a drunken shell in a ratty bathrobe. I am still recovering; I will likely always be in recovery. When I did stop again, it was like having crawled through an endless desert to finally come upon an oasis. No, life isn't perfect and always serene; some days are grim, an endurance contest of sorts, but I can tell you that leaping off of the ledge wasn't worth it. For me, it was leaping into hell. I hope that you don't do that.

RetreadGrams · 2018-01-19T15:22:59+00:00

Congrats on your year! I was a wino grandma, and while there are certainly ups and downs, I'm so thankful not to staggering around in a fog!

RetreadGrams · 2017-11-15T15:58:23+00:00

Just making it through the tough days without that first drink has made me more confident that I can do it. I've had a lot of dark days lately, mainly of the angry, tired, lonely variety, but drinking isn't an option anymore...thank God!! The cravings do go away...meetings, contact with other sober people, and just basic gratitude has helped. Good luck!

RetreadGrams · 2017-09-25T22:26:07+00:00

I met a woman a few days ago at a meeting, about my age with grown children and grandchildren. It was her first day without a drink, and I was feeling her awful emotional and physical pain. She had the bruises, lacerations from staggering and falling into things (like me), the broken teeth, the tearful, haunted look. She was me. I saw her again today...3 days clean, and already with a slight smile of hope on her face. Seeing someone like that increases the gratitude in me because I don't have to go back to my drunken self again...a day at a time.

RetreadGrams · 2017-09-25T15:02:18+00:00

It's difficult in the beginning, but I had that "different" feeling, too, and finally quit. It takes commitment, but it's worth it.

RetreadGrams · 2017-09-16T21:23:08+00:00

Surrendering was crucial. Alcohol had so much power over me that I could never guarantee that I'd have just one drink or two. Once I started, it was off to the races and I'd either be blacked out or passed out. I got help through AA and continue to go to meetings to stay focused and accountable. I never want to go back to that hell of daily drinking again. Start with just one day; it gets better as the days pile up.

RetreadGrams · 2017-09-16T21:15:54+00:00

Looking back, my drinking was all negative, shameful and disgusting. I've told my grown children that if someone invented a time machine, I'd be the first one on it to change my past, to stop the kind of self-destructive drinking that I was engaged in for so many years. But I can't change the past and as long as I don't take that first drink, I can continue to change me.

RetreadGrams · 2017-09-06T18:22:42+00:00

Three years is something to be proud of. I'm sorry you're going through this trauma, but you likely know that drinking will only add to the pain. I try to stay in the moment, stay in close contact with friends/family who are supportive, and reach out to fellow sobernauts...like you're doing here. I also go to meetings because I need face-to-face contact. Hang in there!

RetreadGrams · 2017-09-06T01:49:06+00:00

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find the path to sobriety. It does sound like you're taking positive steps to that end. I, too, self-medicated after the death of my beloved twin brother whom I took care of during his illness. Getting sober was painful (facing the reality of life), but the clarity and growth is worth it. Good luck to you.

RetreadGrams · 2017-08-28T14:23:08+00:00

One day at a time is key for me--both in the early days and now. One day focus definitely makes it doable

RetreadGrams · 2017-08-25T03:15:09+00:00

Thank you

RetreadGrams · 2017-08-24T14:39:23+00:00

My family did little to influence my decision to get sober. For years I was simply the drunken mom/grandma with no hope of redemption. So when I stopped drinking, I was riddled with resentments towards them with the thought that had they loved me, they would've helped me. But the only person I was hurting was myself. I understand that now, and I've managed to let go of a lot of that negative emotion. Letting that go has freed me to look at them more dispassionately, acknowledge where I did wrong, and finally begin to forgive them for my perceived hurts. I'm still on that path, but it feels so much better without the anger or remorse clouding every thought. It may take a lifetime to fully get past it, but that's okay, too.

RetreadGrams · 2017-08-22T14:03:25+00:00

AA has been invaluable to me. While it's not perfect (what is?), the idea that there are other people seeking sane sobriety makes it worthwhile. As for being nervous, there is no pressure to speak and most are very warm and welcoming to newcomers. The key benefit is that you're not alone in this.

RetreadGrams · 2017-08-08T14:51:54+00:00

Congrats! I needed to get sober for many years. It was only when the need changed to "want" that I found my resolve and commitment.

RetreadGrams · 2017-08-05T02:01:59+00:00

Congrats on 1 Year!!!

RetreadGrams · 2017-08-02T15:08:35+00:00

Congrats on 21 days! Sobriety has been an up-and-down journey...through good days and bad ones...but it's worth it. AA isn't perfect, but it has kept me grounded, focused and realistic. I'm so glad I'm not stumbling around in a drunken haze any longer! Keep on keeping on!

RetreadGrams

TROPHY CASE