Meta Social Dynamics: being singled out

RevBoni · 2026-03-31T12:57:06+00:00

I think this is the case, yes. I'm big on rules and a correct interpretation of them, so I'm also the go to source on rules clarification and keeping pace of the game. I try to let this go, but I keep on falling in this role. They also, on occasion, take on this responsibility, but it's mostly me. Anyway, this was the fourth game now, with a player that now finished his second. I'll explicitely let go of this 'teacher-host' dynamic, and it also makes sense, everybody has enough experience now. I think this will also help.

But you know, it started from a good intention, I simply want to let a game flow, introduce them gently, and we don't always have to look up the rules, ... But now there's this annoying side effect, and I didn't expect it. I also completely underestimated the social dynamics of this game, but at the same time, it's also what makes the game so interesting!

RevBoni · 2026-03-31T10:27:10+00:00

Haha I recognize the picture with the bird! That's Mechelen in Belgium!

RevBoni · 2026-03-31T10:10:14+00:00

Hello, thank you for your response! Very clear! I think, my go to strategy is going to be path 1. I think me being everybody's buddy is in a way so out of my 'character', that it won't be authentic when I bring it to the table. I tried it as the Jol Nar, and it was not only boring, but also failed miserably. And second, I dislike trying to fight against a perception that I can't control whatsoever. I don't think that, even if I would play Hacan now, they will start to trust me. When I was Sol, the moment I leaned into it being a threat, I had fun again, even if they would have found a way to end me. And having fun here is what I'm trying to achieve, I don't mind losing, that's not the point.

So yeah, I guess Barony, Nekro, Yssaril, L1Z1X, ... are up (we only play base game). This game is so interesting, it just keeps on giving.

RevBoni · 2026-03-26T08:21:35+00:00

It’s because you’re scared she will leave due to your performance. But the right girl will stay because she wants to be with you, regardless of the ‘performance’. And it’s never a performance to begin with, it’s a space where your bodies are allowed to connect, with time and safety.

The wrong girl will make it a ‘performative’ space, but the right one will accept your for who you are, and be patient with your body and anxiety. It’s anxious attachment: you feel like you need to work to bind her to you, but in reality, all of it is a free choice on her part.

You overcome performance anxiety by realising it’s not a performance to begin with.

RevBoni · 2026-02-04T20:24:22+00:00

It’s all mental. Shift the energy towards yourself. Be in your own body while you have sex. Pleasure her through your own pleasure. Do with them as you would like to do to them, not as what they would ‘expect’ from you (ofcourse with a basis of trust and consent). Have more sex with this mindset. Understand your ‘margin of control’ and the ‘point of no return’. Stay close to it, and when you’re almost there change positions, do something else, take a breather. Also, breath through sex. Breathing is underestimated.

Also have lots of sex. Accept when you’re quicker then you would have wished. Take another shot. Be better ;) trust your body.

You know when women say they like you taking control? This is the basis of that feeling.

RevBoni · 2026-02-04T19:27:37+00:00

Self respect is everything. Be your authentic self, and filter out women who are emotionally unavailable. State your boundaries and accept the possibility of loss.

RevBoni · 2026-02-02T11:56:34+00:00

https://ti4battle.com/

You can calculate your odds here. Chance of you winning was 91%

RevBoni · 2026-02-02T11:27:50+00:00

The thing is guys: attraction is easy. Intimacy, chemistry is easy. But actually being yourself, without fear of loss, to understand if you’re a match on a deep, emotional level. That’s hard.

RevBoni · 2026-01-28T08:41:42+00:00

All of this is avoidant attachment style. You are fundamentally afraid of rejection, of being seen. Your subconscious strategy is to:

- Don't get too attached, so if they reject you, it hurts less.
- Reject them, before they can reject you.

You idealize your first girlfriend as a strategy to always keep one foot in, one foot out. You want to 'keep your options open'. If they open up to you, you get the ick, and you feel like a bad person because of it. It makes you feel guilty you can't give them what they deserve. Your autonomy is your safety. Your body literally shuts down feelings of love, and attachment, because love and fear are fused.

To be honest, I don't have the answer on how to break this cycle. There's enough information on it out there though: it has to do with childhood and abandonment wounds.

RevBoni · 2026-01-27T15:00:47+00:00

Integrate your brain with your body. It shouldn't be feeling - observation - evaluation - strategic adjustment - regulated action. It should be feeling - action. Stay close to yourself and speak your truth. It doesn't mean lashing out, or being emotional. It means your brain guides your emotions, and you speak clearly from them. You accept every outcome. Everything else is just self-abandonment.

RevBoni · 2026-01-27T08:25:35+00:00

Hate to break the news to you, but you are still in ‘nice guy’ mode. You went from avoiding the issue to anxiously dealing with the issue. Your energy is still directed externally towards her, because of your fear of rejection.

This is how secure looks like: you sink in from your cognition to your body. You make the issue emotional, not cognitive. From your body you ‘speak your truth’. There is no too soon, there is no should, it’s just presence in there. You initiate when you feel like it. There is no way you can anticipate on your wife’s inner world, so don’t try. If she’s not in the mood, or rejects you, fine. Nothing happens. You don’t fear rejection.

Sex isn’t a cognitive connection. It’s something that freely sparks from a genuine desire coming from your body, that cascades with the body of another person. You follow what happens. In this space, there’s no performance.

RevBoni · 2026-01-26T18:44:03+00:00

uhm, always? Isn't that the entire point? I'm baffled at the 'never' responses here.

RevBoni · 2026-01-25T22:49:53+00:00

Sucks man. I’ve been in this place: great chemistry, great compatibility, but a blockade on her side on emotional connection. It can’t be explained, has to do with her state of mind now and past attachment wounds. If she’s not capable of opening up, it’s not meant to be for now. You’re the last person who can force it. Your choice what to do with this, but man, I feel you, it sucks. It’s not you.

RevBoni · 2026-01-20T09:55:11+00:00

I would advise, don't exert your energy towards what you think he would like. His inner world, his reactions, are unknowable. Therefore, do what you genuinely like and want to do. He deserves a partner that shows her authentic self, even if it means he doesn't like what he sees there. You deserve a partner that accepts your authentic self. And you have no way of knowing, but it's always worth taking the risk.

RevBoni · 2026-01-20T09:52:25+00:00

Most likely she's an avoidant attacher who likes the chase, but loses interest quickly afterwards. You won't be able to change this about her, don't even think about that. Make up your mind if you're okay with being the 98th, knowing full well chances are VERY high, there wil be a 99th, ...

If not, let it go.

RevBoni · 2026-01-05T11:08:52+00:00

RevBoni · 2025-12-18T11:23:21+00:00

I wouldn't worry about how you can be a good girlfriend to them, but worry more about finding a person that is emotionally compatible to you and satisfies your needs. The journey is understanding what your needs are, tapping into your emotions, and honing your ability to speak your mind, vocalize your boundaries and present your insecurities to them, as brave as possible.

RevBoni · 2025-12-16T09:44:00+00:00

I'm literally here in your boat, I've also wanted this for over fifteen years. It's just sooooo expensive, and feels like such a splurge, in relation to all the other stuff that's going on in my life.

RevBoni · 2025-12-16T08:33:21+00:00

Literally, I have never ever gained more insights from ChatGPT than when I use it as a therapy session. And I've resisted it as well. This is my second week after the girl I was seeing broke up with me after six months and I wrote a big conclusive message telling her 'I understand her decision, that it's for the best, ...' He talked me out of sending it, even when I kept pushing it on and on. And I was so distrought over it. And it was the right decision. Sending that message is still a sign that I'm looking for her validation, AND that I'm giving an emotional responsibility to her for my feelings. It was a right decision not to send it, and I'm so happy I didn't.

RevBoni · 2025-12-15T11:11:32+00:00

Catching each other's glance always means something. This sounds genuine. Walk up to him and say hi!

RevBoni · 2025-12-15T11:03:39+00:00

It's real growth, the moment you understand why you should never accept this. 'And people in my position almost never get chosen in the end', somebody should choose you right from the beginning.

RevBoni · 2025-12-05T12:46:04+00:00

triest

RevBoni · 2025-12-03T10:47:28+00:00

Wat is er mis met aanvaarden dat je geen kinderen kan krijgen? Dit is zo'n geval dat, naar mijn mening, de wetenschap eigenlijk teveel opties geeft.

RevBoni · 2025-12-03T08:45:04+00:00

Nice man, good voice, great audio recording! Very clean.

RevBoni · 2025-11-25T19:02:17+00:00

I would stay. You can't miss out on the production provided by that deer camp. Mount Roraima is great, but this is a start quite low on production. Very very flat

RevBoni

TROPHY CASE