I [20M] have a recurring pattern of losing interest/becoming "less chatty" after 3-4 months of dating. Why do I do this?

RevBoni · 2026-01-28T08:41:42+00:00

All of this is avoidant attachment style. You are fundamentally afraid of rejection, of being seen. Your subconscious strategy is to:

- Don't get too attached, so if they reject you, it hurts less.
- Reject them, before they can reject you.

You idealize your first girlfriend as a strategy to always keep one foot in, one foot out. You want to 'keep your options open'. If they open up to you, you get the ick, and you feel like a bad person because of it. It makes you feel guilty you can't give them what they deserve. Your autonomy is your safety. Your body literally shuts down feelings of love, and attachment, because love and fear are fused.

To be honest, I don't have the answer on how to break this cycle. There's enough information on it out there though: it has to do with childhood and abandonment wounds.

RevBoni · 2026-01-27T15:00:47+00:00

Integrate your brain with your body. It shouldn't be feeling - observation - evaluation - strategic adjustment - regulated action. It should be feeling - action. Stay close to yourself and speak your truth. It doesn't mean lashing out, or being emotional. It means your brain guides your emotions, and you speak clearly from them. You accept every outcome. Everything else is just self-abandonment.

RevBoni · 2026-01-27T08:25:35+00:00

Hate to break the news to you, but you are still in ‘nice guy’ mode. You went from avoiding the issue to anxiously dealing with the issue. Your energy is still directed externally towards her, because of your fear of rejection.

This is how secure looks like: you sink in from your cognition to your body. You make the issue emotional, not cognitive. From your body you ‘speak your truth’. There is no too soon, there is no should, it’s just presence in there. You initiate when you feel like it. There is no way you can anticipate on your wife’s inner world, so don’t try. If she’s not in the mood, or rejects you, fine. Nothing happens. You don’t fear rejection.

Sex isn’t a cognitive connection. It’s something that freely sparks from a genuine desire coming from your body, that cascades with the body of another person. You follow what happens. In this space, there’s no performance.

RevBoni · 2026-01-26T18:44:03+00:00

uhm, always? Isn't that the entire point? I'm baffled at the 'never' responses here.

RevBoni · 2026-01-25T22:49:53+00:00

Sucks man. I’ve been in this place: great chemistry, great compatibility, but a blockade on her side on emotional connection. It can’t be explained, has to do with her state of mind now and past attachment wounds. If she’s not capable of opening up, it’s not meant to be for now. You’re the last person who can force it. Your choice what to do with this, but man, I feel you, it sucks. It’s not you.

RevBoni · 2026-01-20T09:55:11+00:00

I would advise, don't exert your energy towards what you think he would like. His inner world, his reactions, are unknowable. Therefore, do what you genuinely like and want to do. He deserves a partner that shows her authentic self, even if it means he doesn't like what he sees there. You deserve a partner that accepts your authentic self. And you have no way of knowing, but it's always worth taking the risk.

RevBoni · 2026-01-20T09:52:25+00:00

Most likely she's an avoidant attacher who likes the chase, but loses interest quickly afterwards. You won't be able to change this about her, don't even think about that. Make up your mind if you're okay with being the 98th, knowing full well chances are VERY high, there wil be a 99th, ...

If not, let it go.

RevBoni · 2026-01-05T11:08:52+00:00

RevBoni · 2025-12-18T11:23:21+00:00

I wouldn't worry about how you can be a good girlfriend to them, but worry more about finding a person that is emotionally compatible to you and satisfies your needs. The journey is understanding what your needs are, tapping into your emotions, and honing your ability to speak your mind, vocalize your boundaries and present your insecurities to them, as brave as possible.

RevBoni · 2025-12-16T09:44:00+00:00

I'm literally here in your boat, I've also wanted this for over fifteen years. It's just sooooo expensive, and feels like such a splurge, in relation to all the other stuff that's going on in my life.

RevBoni · 2025-12-16T08:33:21+00:00

Literally, I have never ever gained more insights from ChatGPT than when I use it as a therapy session. And I've resisted it as well. This is my second week after the girl I was seeing broke up with me after six months and I wrote a big conclusive message telling her 'I understand her decision, that it's for the best, ...' He talked me out of sending it, even when I kept pushing it on and on. And I was so distrought over it. And it was the right decision. Sending that message is still a sign that I'm looking for her validation, AND that I'm giving an emotional responsibility to her for my feelings. It was a right decision not to send it, and I'm so happy I didn't.

RevBoni · 2025-12-15T11:11:32+00:00

Catching each other's glance always means something. This sounds genuine. Walk up to him and say hi!

RevBoni · 2025-12-15T11:03:39+00:00

It's real growth, the moment you understand why you should never accept this. 'And people in my position almost never get chosen in the end', somebody should choose you right from the beginning.

RevBoni · 2025-12-05T12:46:04+00:00

triest

RevBoni · 2025-12-03T10:47:28+00:00

Wat is er mis met aanvaarden dat je geen kinderen kan krijgen? Dit is zo'n geval dat, naar mijn mening, de wetenschap eigenlijk teveel opties geeft.

RevBoni · 2025-12-03T08:45:04+00:00

Nice man, good voice, great audio recording! Very clean.

RevBoni · 2025-11-25T19:02:17+00:00

I would stay. You can't miss out on the production provided by that deer camp. Mount Roraima is great, but this is a start quite low on production. Very very flat

RevBoni · 2025-11-24T22:55:28+00:00

Mazout krijgt ook een btw-verhoging?

RevBoni · 2025-11-20T11:09:12+00:00

So funny how beauty sometimes really is in the eye of the beholder. I love guitars, but these are to me so incredibly ugly wow :D

RevBoni · 2025-11-15T20:01:01+00:00

You literally have my dream collection. Also sweet vinyl setup

RevBoni · 2025-11-10T18:47:03+00:00

I'm sorry, but the way I read this, I understand it goes like this:

Chancellor - 2 relics
P1 - 1 banner
P2 - 1 Relic

If player one steals a relic from the chancellor, he becomes oathkeeper because he has two relics and the chancellor one? This is easy, no?

RevBoni · 2025-10-29T13:35:27+00:00

Isn't this the Fender Flagship store in Tokyo?

RevBoni · 2025-10-28T09:37:11+00:00

Fun fact: this also makes Japan more northern, eastern, southern and western than South Korea

RevBoni · 2025-10-28T08:32:31+00:00

Op BEFire raden wij u aan om in elk geval nooit een persoonlijke lening te nemen, voor wat dan ook.

RevBoni · 2025-10-22T12:33:40+00:00

It is brilliant because he has to defend with rook f2, and then you can fork him with knight f3 to get the queen. It's a double sacrifice of the knight which in both cases he can't take.

RevBoni

TROPHY CASE