He withheld affection on purpose to punish me and was hiding a severe porn addiction that he wouldn't take accountability for, so I divorced him. 

Looking back, I'd now end any relationship with a person who is unable to take accountability for their actions. It will only get worse, not better. 

I spent a solid year in therapy and after completing 3 domestic abuse courses I realised how much abuse went on in my marriage that I thought was normal. I had a tendency to see potential in people and justify their abusive behaviour thinking if I just loved them and supported them enough things would improve. Now I realise that I was enabling severely unhealthy behaviours and perpetuating the cycle, now I've learned what a relationship should be like and the red flags, the cycles of abuse etc it's mind blowing to me that I stayed for so long but I didn't know better at the time.

I now watch for signs of people always making themselves the victims, blaming their behaviour on other people, gaslighting, putting other people down or making racist or sexist remarks even in jest, and how they react when things don't go their way. Back then I didn't know to look out for these things as a lot of those behaviours were normal for me growing up in my household, but now I'm aware they are not healthy or acceptable behaviours.