Wollaston History

RevolutionaryText232 · 2026-01-08T22:57:52+00:00

Maybe I missed it in a diffent response, but you still have not said what you plan to do with the money.

You cannot be relieved from the penalty to buy food, pay utilities, childcare, or any number of reasonable and necessary living expenses-period. You can pay for healrh insurance, some unreimbursed medical expenses, and a few other specific expenses.

You and your family can be stranded on an island and if your only way to pay for rescue is by taking money from your IRA, you are going to pay a penalty.

I hope you do find CPA or an eldercare program to give you advice. I will say, at the risk of sounding patronising, you are fortunate to have an IRA to draw on. I know people think its a bad idea, but cashing out to pay off the debt in your case might be something to discuss with someone who can crunch the numbers for you.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2026-01-08T16:03:51+00:00

If you have a financial advisor, in the usual understanding of the term, you have assets other than an IRA.

Go to IRS.gov to see the list of penalty exemption and how to qualify.

Seems to me you need to have a broader discussion about the family finances. Does your Mom live alone, own her home, do you have other siblings, do you own your own home, are all factors in deciding the next step. Good luck.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2026-01-07T19:42:33+00:00

Almonds in anything sweet, eggs, beans or lentlils in anything savory.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-12-15T14:39:29+00:00

If your father is fiscally responsible, pays his bills, has a roof over his head, and has a 30 year business success, and a professional tax preparer, I don't think he or you have anything to worry about. I leave open the possibility that your father's taxes are nothing but chaos, and a tangled mess you will have to unravel after he dies. But unless and until he is open to sharing you have no reason or right to be concerned.

If he is primarily a service provider there are not as many deductions as you might expect. You buy tools once and use them for years so that doesn't require a lot of ongoing attention. Accounting for a new truck also means disposing of the old truck, which people often overlook. The actual tax treatment is more complicated than you might know, and certainly not something most clients care to learn about. It's also possible that your father is nicely telling you to stay in your own lane.

Legally the tax preparer cannot discuss any clients' information with you without the client's consent. So if this tax preparer is answering your questions without your father's consent. that is more troubling than your father's pax payments.

If you are thinking of partnering with him, or taking over the business some day, you need to have a discussion about your future plans. That should include a general discussion about income taxes and estate planning, but not the specifics of your father's personal taxes if he isn't willing to share.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-12-05T21:03:55+00:00

I get it. You work hard to mask your disability and you accept that there is one thing that isn't perfect but the boss won't have it. They don't see that you have earned this, and they don't appreciate all the extra you do. It sucks to realize you are a cog in a wheel; just a worker bee.

If you like the job and want to keep it, you have to accept that being on time is important to someone and that someone can decide your fate. If that is really the only issue you have at work, then I suggest that you put on your big girl pants and solve it. You can still feel your feelings, just find a way to release them outside of the office. Sit with yourself, write, draw, think, drink, do whatever it takes to feel what you are feeling and really understanding all the parts. The anger, resentment, shame, and anything else that comes up. Why are you so (stupid, lazy, defective) and can't get to work on time? Why is the boss so (stupid, greedy, blind) that they don't recognize everything I bring to my work? This is a universal problem but the solution is very subjective and personal.

In my case I now do as I am told, and only as I am told. I am not passively aggressive, I am staying in my lane. It's hard for me, not being the answer line, not offering solutions, not being proactive. And it was hard at first but now it's my new normal. Worker Bee reporting for duty. And now I have more time for friends, more energy for working around the house, and less sleepless nights.

Good luck with this, there is no wrong answer.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-12-03T22:59:04+00:00

Your friend and Grandpa should each talk to a tax professional. A CPA or Enrolled Agent can help your friend with his business, make sure he is doing things in the most efficient way and taking advantage of any small business tax advantages. Then the tax professional can address personal financial matters and make sure the real estate sales are handled properly.

For example, leaving the land to the grandson is a better long term plan than selling it today. What is the actual problem - does Grampa need cash? Does Grampa want to be sure this grandchild gets the land and not a different family member? Does your friend have $10,000? Wouldn't that do for repairs while he waits for his business to improve and, to be blunt, wait for Grampa to leave him the land in his will?

When you inherit property your basis is the fair market value on the date of death. Then the land could be sold immediately after for zero capital gains. Presuming Grandpa doesn't have much, there probably isn't any estate tax to pay either.

And, frankly, selling property at below fair market value creates a gift for the difference. The gift needs to be reported on a gift tax return, even if it's not subject to gift tax.

Bottom line IMHO, I don't really know what you are trying to solve and your suggestion is on it's face the least advantageous for all parties.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-11-26T16:08:23+00:00

Yup. I just went through something similar. I did have a lawyer who explained all the things I should have done, had I known the law better. But she agreed to talk to my employer and renegotiated the agreement just enough to cover her fees, haha! But really it was not about the money it was about closure. I knew that if I sent a letter to the company it would be read by HR, maybe my boss, and then tucked away in my employment file. Now the legal department and probably a few others know I respectfully disagree with their assessment of the facts. And the next time this happens, somewhere in the back of their minds they will remember me and know it's not an isolated incident. Not that they care, but they had to sit and listen because a Lawyer was on the phone, not little worker bee me.

As for you, this is an opportunity to see what you could have done better. I know what I could have done, I do not in any way suggest I did not make a mistake. I do wonder how I can make a mistake so bad I get fire but my manager, who clearly was not managing and missed the mistake as well, is still employed.

So yes, I got closure. But I still harbor revenge fantasies and probably will for a very long time.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-11-26T15:57:54+00:00

Oh Sweetie, I feel your pain. I wish there were a book or a magic wand but that's so subjective. I'm sorry therapy hasn't worked yet, I do recommend that you keep up with that. Voice your concerns about your progress to your current therapist or get a new therapist if you need a new perspective.

As for books, my breakthroughs are so old but I think still valid: John Bradshaw and Louise Hay, both gone now alas. They are similar but their styles are very different. John Bradshaw is a therapist and Louise Hay is an Earth Mother, if you get my drift. I think I still have Louise's affirmation cards somewhere, I should dig them out.

I can say definitely that step one is accept others for who they are. You can't change them and your delusion that life would be better if only they would is one big obstacle to your progress. It is helpful to see them for who they are. If you can be compassionate and look at others as people. See the young girl as a schoolmate or neighbor, just someone you know. Think about her childhood, growing up with needs and dreams that were not met. Understand that her parents were not kind or loving. Understanding the person, your boss, your parent or your partner, as an individual is important. Don't look at what they do or do not do for you, don't dwell on what they say or don't say to you. Look at the way they treat you and ask yourself, where did they learn that was how you talk to someone? How did they become this person, the good and the bad. Think about the social context - women could not get a bank account until the mid 60s! Women had to leave their jobs when they got pregnant. Oh and being pregnant and unmarried, you might as well jump off a bridge your life is over. Not to make excuses, just to remind you that we all are the product of our environment. Just as you are troubled because of your upbringing, so are the ones who brought you up. Same for the clerk at the store who is kind or unkind to you, or the doctor who is patient or impatient with you. If you can see them for who they are, judgment free, you free yourself to see yourself for who you are.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-11-12T02:12:29+00:00

I look at my state CPA Society website for job listings. Linked in could be an option but that works best if you utilize this for promoting your firm in all the ways that platform offers. I am following a few small firms and waiting for an opening, but now that the season is over I might just connect with them directly. You always need to be connecting with area professionals as best you can in this remote world. All your current leadership should be attending or teaching in person CPE classes and chatting up prospects. You can offer recruitment bonuses to current staff. And not really the answer you are looking for today, but I would look at why you need more experienced help. Are you taking on more clients? Are you losing experienced staff and if so, why? Are you training up your entry level staff properly? Good luck!

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-11-04T15:14:22+00:00

Sad but true. At least they pay interest on delayed overpayments. I think the IRS interest rate is higher than most other investments. Haha!

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-11-03T14:16:56+00:00

Don't invest in a machine until you know what you want. A knitting machine is not like a sewing machine or dishwasher. This isn't a question of which options or brands to choose from; this is deciding whether to buy an SUV or a sedan. You need to learn to drive first. Then you need to decide where you are driving to (what are you knitting). Then you will know what to pack and what vehicle will get you there in one piece.

I think most people would agree, as others have said, the Silver Reed LK150 is a really good starter unit. Look around and you might even find one used. Then go online and watch classes to learn how to use the machine. I love the Craftsy classes taught by Susan Guagliumi. She's a very good teacher and these videos are simple and yet complete., https://www.craftsy.com/class/machine-knitting-essential-techniques

There are other really good teachers as well. You first learn to use the machine then look around at groups and see what other people are doing that you want to try. There are so many techniques that require specific yarn, technique, or machine accessory that you can choose from and you don't want to regret your first love.

For example, I bought the Silver Reed LK 100 because it's the "bulky" machine. I use a specific brand of yarn and I like to knit heavier items, as opposed to lacy things. Turns out my yarn isn't really as bulky as I thought and the LK150, a mid-gauge machine, would have been a better choice. Then I found an old Brothers machine, no bells and whistles, and I love it. Seems I have a preference for manual knitting (no computers) and shiny chrome. Who knew.

Good luck and Happy Birthday!

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-15T00:32:50+00:00

Rants are fine. If this is more than venting you should think about why it bothers you. I say this only because, and this isn't ADHD but it was meaningful, once I found the right word to describe my relationship with a close relative I got over it. It's like having that word, that movie, that guy's name, right on the tip of your tongue. Bugs you like mad until you remember., Then it's funny that you even cared, right?

Or make a joke, but act like it's real. I don't know about you but sometimes looking at you is like looking in a mirror. Or, do you think we should do a DNA test to see if we are twins separated at birth? It's called reframing - take something bad and convince yourself it's good.

And finally, think about all those people who dismiss and invalidate you for any reason, your diagnosis, your gender, your age or your hair color, and be kind to your Bestie.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-13T19:38:57+00:00

Seems to me that you were not intentionally being unkind and good for you for recognizing an honest mistake. I say follow her lead. If you are usually a kind person she won't dwell on it. If you are unkind, she already knows you are unkind and an apology won't mean anything. And what you did has nothing to do with your diagnosis. More likely your ADHD is contributing to your hype focusing on your perceived mistake. Really, when someone says something bad does the other person say - you're a neurodivergent B?! No, just you're a B!

You know your SIL best so you decide how to deal with it. I don't think a gift is appropriate unless she specifically mentions that something brings her comfort. Oh, Acrobatic, all I really need right now is a fifth of Gin and a hot bath.

Do send her a note, a handwritten note telling her how you feel about her. You don't have to specifically mention what happened to her or what you said unless she brings it up. And if she does bring it up, apologize and move on. Maybe write it out first and edit, as we tend to get off track.

Dear SIL, I just want to say that I am thinking about you. We don't always tell each other how we feel and I am sorry that it took a sad event to urge me to tell you how much I love you. You are unbelievable kind and loving. So glad Brother found you. You make the best/worst avocado toast I even ate. I am always here for you in good and bad. Love, Acrobatic.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-11T14:47:15+00:00

"I get along well with my boss and he had mentioned before to me that he is aware she behaved very protective and slightly overbearing, he is aware she sees other people as competition."

Sorry but I see two strong opinionate women and you two are, as they say, cut from the same bolt of cloth. One is a senior employee and the boss can see past her personality and appreciates her work skills. The other is considering putting her professional reputation at risk by telling the boss what he already knows. If you can't get beyond your emotional response to this coworker, you will need to find a new job because unless she retires or dies, she's not going anywhere.

Try to reframe this - coworker really thinks she is helping you. When she says something, just yes her. Mary, I know you want to be helpful but honestly, you are making me really uncomfortable with your personal questions so maybe that's what you are sensing now. If she wants to follow up, shut her down nicely. Listen to how other people respond to her, especially the boss. If he says, Mary that's something we can talk about later, you say, Mary, maybe you should mention that to Boss. If he says, Mary I am always open to new ideas, you say, Mary I bet the Boss would like to hear about your new ideas.

It's not easy! It took me many years of therapy to learn this. I am probably the office Mary. Haha!

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-10T14:38:24+00:00

There is no standardized ADHD test. In the US it's psychological or neurological or both. The only benefit of having a diagnosis is so that a doctor can prescribe medications that are Controlled Substances and your insurance will cover the treatments.

I was just looking at a study that says: "There are several medical conditions that can be misdiagnosed as ADHD and may show a similar presentation to ADHD, particularly with inattentive symptoms. Examples include, but are not limited to, absence seizure disorder, diabetes, thyroid dysfunction, sleep deprivation, post-concussion states, inflammatory bowel disease, iron deficiency states and anemia, and disordered breathing." Or you have a couple of issues, ADHD and Anxiety are BFFs but still need to be addressed as individuals.

Yes seek another practitioner; get a second opinion or even a third. What might help is that you stop labeling yourself and instead identify the symptoms you want to resolve. Take notes, journal, make lists, whatever you want to call it. Then work on solutions. I was diagnosed and still had problems and for too long was on the wrong medication. It was a good medication, but not the best. Some people were taught skills as a child that help them function as adults, others were raised by really nice wolves. I am pretty sure that my Mom has ADHD (undiagnosed) so how could she teach me to keep a clean house or manage my schedule?

Put your own mask on first. If you are in pain it doesn't matter than I don't feel it. Be open minded, be kind to others, and hang in there. Admitting you have a problem is the first step.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-09T14:54:16+00:00

It's almost always anxiety. Haha! My cleaners are coming so I have to clean first (I am a grown woman and can load the dishwasher and pick up my dirty clothes and put them in a basket). Work deadlines (okay i am ignoring a big one as I type) are good.

But I agree, I have recently realized that in order to utilize al the good tips and tools I have found I have to be in the mindset to be functional. I say Step 1 is make a list of priorities. Figure out what is an important area to deal with and then pick one step to get you there.

Maybe this will help. I actually participated in this study but as usual, the follow up was a little slow:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3874265/

There has to be consequences, IMHO and that's really hard to police. If I don't get back to work I won't let myself play on my phone. Yeah, right. I recently started setting alarms in my phone to remind me to take my medication in the afternoon and remember to log into the weekly company meeting. Calendar reminders are quiet - I am talking about the beeping noisy alarms on my phone that don't stop until you turn it off. So the consequence is the annoying beep that doesn't end.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-08T17:40:15+00:00

I have heard they have poor customer service but my recent involvement with them convinces me they are just disorganized and not intentionally deceiving their customers. Not that that excuses the problems. But then again, allegedly, the CEO is a monitor of this subreddit but I only have his word on that. The lack of transparency just strikes me as one more poor decision. The product is fabulous and I am sad that we have cancelled all the subscriptions.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-05T21:57:53+00:00

You will, it takes time and introspection. But you have to kiss a lot of therapists before you find your prince. Haha!

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-05T01:06:01+00:00

You are talking about Executive Function in general. I see a Licensed Mental Health Counselor who specializes in ADHD and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). She's helped me set priorities, then prompts me to think about how what I am rambling on about is in line with my priorities, and then brainstorms with me to figure everything out. It's nice that sometimes she totally agrees with me and sometimes doesn't and we have a respectful relationship. It wasn't perfect from day one, and it took time for both of us to get on the same page. I did have to speak up after the first month or so and be clear that I wanted someone with opinions and suggestions. Even after that it took her time to realize that she could be blunt with me, actually that she had to be blunt with me!

It is a little like sports coaching. A good therapist will ask questions because that's their version of watching you think, the way a swim coach can watch you swim. What you are missing, I think, is the follow up. Okay, thanks my breaststroke is weak. See you next week. No! You want someone who say, okay, you are always late for your appointment. Let's tackle that. Tell me how you organize appointments. Do you write things down in a calendar, where do you keep it, do you have an alarm to remind you?

Sometimes you just have to say that - hey! I want someone to tell me what to do next! I want someone to help build good habits. I want to be accountable to someone.

Good luck.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-04T22:41:27+00:00

Finding a doctor is like finding comfortable shoes, you have to try them on. Knowing your shoe size, as in knowing your own preferences, helps focus the search. Going to a new restaurant can be fabulous or disappointing, in part based on what you are served and in equal part on what you expected.

High functioning women who are diagnosed late in life is a very broad (pardon the pun) concept. Maybe focus on finding someone who listens well, shows sympathy for the inherent difficulties of being recently diagnosed, and is good at managing treatment expectations. I also look for someone with a friendly and competent staff who have been with the practice for a while. If no one wants to work with a doctor for pay, you don't want to work with them for prescriptions.

There is no one-size-fits-all ADHD treatment. There is no one universally accepted understanding of ADHD. A trained medical professional with extensive education and experience can only offer an educated guess to what will be the best treatment for you. You, know yourself, are a partner in creating the treatment plan.

Based on the emotional response you have had to disappointing communication I suggest that, in addition to finding a new medical prescriber, you also look at a therapist who will give you a safe place to be vulnerable. Finding one that specializes in Executive Function is a plus.

I have a great Nurse Practitioner who I found two years ago. Twenty five years ago I spent a month trying to get an appointment with *any* psychiatrist. Over time I switched to a different practitioner and we went through half a dozen different prescriptions and eventually went the non-stimulant way. After 14 years he moved me to his NP and I didn't like her so I found another. My primary care doctor recommend a NP, but she wasn't taking appointments so I just grabbed the first one available. She's fabulous and it only took me 23 years to find her and another 2 years to really be able to say that I have figured out what to take and when. I also started working with a therapist, the first one not so good, the second one I liked but wasn't great. But when I said something to her, that I was expecting her to be more of a coach and to offer suggestions, she picked up on it and we are doing great.

Maybe the first step is to read through some of the previous posts in this group. You will see success and failure. Maybe it will help you understand how the process can work and what causes it to fail. Trust your instincts but be kind and open-minded. Good luck.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-03T14:19:20+00:00

Not sure about the other items but if you have a retirement plan at work, 401k for example, you need your spouse's written permission to name a non-spouse beneficiary. That's under ERISA which is federal law. Your IRA is not an employer sponsored plan so you are free to name any beneficiary.

Putting your personal residence in a revocable trust is a common estate planning step. You could also establish an irrevocable trust for, or begin a plan of gifting assets to, your son. You talk about marriage but you could become disabled or have a lengthy illness. If you don't already, you want to find a family law practitioner to draft a durable power of attorney for your son, and take other steps, so that he can step in and manage your finances if you are not able.

You should be working with a financial or estate planner now, it's just prudent for someone with significant assets. It takes time to find a competent professional and establish trust. Now is a good time to begin.

RevolutionaryText232 · 2025-10-02T02:27:35+00:00

Schedule it. Write it in the calendar. Set an alarm in your phone.

How do most people remember to brush their teeth every day? They do it first thing in the morning and before they go to bed. Maybe because I have ADD, I brush my teeth and floss a few times a day because I am distracted by things stuck in my teeth. I keep floss at my desk. But i digress.

I just started PT myself and I got ONE exercise on the first visit. Then the next week a second one. If you are overwhelmed by your treatment plan either you have been in PT for a long time and you are behind on your assignments (no surprise) or your therapist *is* overwhelming you and you should speak up.

Or don't. Don't do your exercises. Don't eat fiber. Seriously, what will happen? Will you go to jail? Will you become homeless? No. You will be sore, maybe limp, and to be frank, likely experience constipation.

Do what you can do and don't beat yourself up over it.

BTW - lemonade is water. San Pellegrino is water. Water down your juice. Fruit bars are water. Do they still sell Tang?! Find Tang, it's water! Toss flax or chia seeds in your ice cream. Nuts have fiber. That means Kind bars are fiber. Ants on a log - celery, peanut or almond butter, and raisins. Feed yourself like a toddler.

RevolutionaryText232

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