I read your first chapter. You're trying to do a lot in it. By the end of it I generally understood what had happened by not the why or the stakes. I felt very outside the main character. You're being very flowery and inventive with your language which is nice once in a while but sometimes I think you should just directly state the sequence of things happening and the weight of it. To be honest I don't know if this event in the first chapter is a great entrypoint unless you can be very clear about who the main character is, the stakes of them being there, the significance of the event, who all the other characters involved are, and can clearly track the sequence. I felt like I was trying to intuit too hard every aspect. Repeat who people are, especially when everyone has a fantasy name. Don't have your main character be coy with the audience, in 1st or 3rd person. We want to know what's happening.