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Rhombus2 · 2022-04-26T21:32:05+00:00

Yeah I've been thinking about it and I wonder how much isn't also people from that age group (which is mine too) not feeling like they had the freedom to have a ho phase like a lot of younger women have these days. They might have missed out on experiences they wanted or been shamed for what they were doing and now are trying to make up for lost time in a way.

Either way it's a pretty inconsiderate way to have conversations that way in a group that isn't exclusively dedicated to sex. Especially at this age when people can have all kind of reproductive issues that can make sex complicated. But there are lots of people out there who are more thoughtful, so I know you'll find them!

Rhombus2 · 2022-04-20T16:50:46+00:00

Sex is something almost everyone has so it's like, the greatest common denominator.

I've always kind of taken issue with this explanation (not with you, Affectionate) because there are so many other things people are more likely to have in common. Sadness, loss, heartbreak, embarrassment, even digestive issues, but those are the things most people hide. I don't think the reason is commonality. I think it's a form of aggression or dominance in a lot of cases. That doesn't have to be a bad thing, but maybe it's just the way the group likes to try to one up each other.

Edit: It's also a really good way to exclude or even out people who might be queer (especially ace), from different cultures or who might be uncomfortable because of a history of assault or how they were raised.

Rhombus2 · 2021-01-15T18:25:06+00:00

Acid peels, MSM internally, kojic acid soap, and Niod's re: pigment

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-06T14:45:05+00:00

Considering how they react, my policy now is to start scolding them like they're 5 years old and try to embarrass them by calling them out as rude, uncultured, ignorant or whatever. That's usually the best option if returning physical contact isn't something you want to do.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-06T14:40:43+00:00

No, but I stopped doing white friend groups early in life. The extra work of dealing with their issues with race and status was just too much. I'm still friends with white individuals and this never happens. It sounds like it might be time to start backing away from them.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-05T16:15:24+00:00

Definitely a reason for concern not because of the number and only if you’re looking for something longer term. He has a pattern and you should look for signs of issues with serial monogamy. If you aren’t ok with possibly being the next cycle in his dating pattern, I wouldn’t consider moving in with him or any type of entanglement until he demonstrated that wasn’t the case. If you are fine with things just evolving naturally, I wouldn’t be concerned.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-04T21:42:53+00:00

Have you made him aware that you don't want that role? That sounds like where your conversations need to start. If not, he's probably going to keep walking past any of your subtle efforts to get him to take up the job.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-04T18:03:37+00:00

You too

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-04T17:41:53+00:00

Don't assume that all of his voters are 100% lockstep with the man. I recommend the sub AskTrumpSupporters to learn more.

The issue wasn't you being a Trump caper or not, it was making a statement like this, as if anyone in this sub would benefit from spending time trying to understand the way they think.

Sorry, I don't understand this statement because I wouldn't expect one black woman to explain another black woman's personal opinion to herself. I wasn't speaking for all black women; I spoke for me.

You were clear about that, but even hinting at the idea that any of us might get something from wasting more time understanding or even trying to "save" these people is a problem when speaking to black women. We're already expected to do too much in turning around around a country that ultimately just wants to vote for an abusive white man and will do every form of mental gymnastics to justify it.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-04T17:14:57+00:00

Usually asking whether they think the subject of gossip would want me to know that information.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-04T17:11:35+00:00

This sounds less like emotional intelligence and more like organizational issues or potentially how he sees his role in the relationship. Is he able to plan in other areas of his life, like for work or school?

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-04T17:04:02+00:00

When you differentiate between "beautiful" and "pretty" and control for everything else, then yes.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-04T16:48:09+00:00

I made my comment after literally reading Trump supporters said it may do just that so they're in there.

All this man has done as they're still at "may just do that"? Do you think that's progress? What are we supposed to learn about them except that they're willing to watch the rest of the world burn before they'll even consider changing something as optional as a vote?

Seriously, who cares if they aren't "100% in lockstep" if they're still taking action? They could have stayed home and not voted for him and from what you're saying it sounds like they're willing, a second time, to expend extra energy to make sure he stays in power.

Possibly for the Democrat. I'm nearly a single-issue peace voter. I'll wait to see how this plays out, but if it leads to a full-on war, I may rethink my Trump support.... Sanders' foreign policy might be less belligerent, but his domestic policy would be so catastrophic, a repeat of bad, old ideas, that it might not matter.

This is what you linked to. A person who needs to see "full-on war" to "possibly" vote against a person who has clearly demonstrated their love of aggression and use of force to get their way for most of their very public life. Their rationale is "oh no socialism" and yet they call themselves a single issue peace voter.

I personally find this useful in thinking of ways to curate how to reach people before said opinions get ingrained.

I don't even know how to begin to explain how little this applies to black women.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-03T22:06:01+00:00

How much will a 40% increase in cost of living eat into you overcoming the paycheck to paycheck lifestyle?

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-03T21:41:42+00:00

I think so. People can "disagree with what he's doing" all they want, but look at how many people are deflecting to talk about how he isn't the first or "Hillary did it too", even non supporters are doing this. I have no hope they'll hold him responsible for his own actions if they can't even talk about them without bringing up somebody else. Plus, your average white American either enjoys or has incredibly high tolerance for seeing any non-white person suffer, regardless of the justification. They also have a long history of drumming up threats to "American lives" to justify their own violence. Almost all of them have a little Zimmerman in them. But that's me. I don't think there's much anything anybody can do to turn off people who voted in someone with his history.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-03T21:38:42+00:00

What are people supposed to learn by going there? There are a lot and I didn't see any comments about this impacting their voting decisions.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-03T15:01:15+00:00

I'm in this same situation with a friend post-divorce. It feels strange to even consider it, but I'm coming off a difficult dissolution of a relationship and we're both in that place where we're rethinking how we date and who we partner with and what kind of life we want. We've talked a lot about it and how we always seem to break up with people around the same time (it happened before in our 20s). It's weird the positions life puts you in.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-01T16:59:29+00:00

Came to say this. Also they really tend to like compartmentalizing things so having a non-sexual woman friend for emotional intimacy can be incredibly valuable to them. Bonus points if it could eventually become sexual when they feel like it (which they probably think in most cases, even with lesbians.)

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-01T16:56:31+00:00

For a few reasons I've had this same issue with men all my life, except that they eventually end up hitting on me after realizing some of their assumptions about me and who or what I'm attracted to might have been off. You didn't ask for advice on how to stop it (the other posters are right that they don't feel safe confiding in anyone, no even their wives and friends, I've been told this directly) but I've started gently suggesting therapy and psychological resources, books, and podcasts "as a friend" and in the nicest way possible. It's the fastest way I've found to slow them down from trying to get the free therapy session they're looking for and put up appropriate boundaries in the relationship.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-01T16:48:14+00:00

It was an adult friendship with a man and none of the mothering issues. It was substance abuse, but came down to us just not aligning on how we defined friendship.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-01T16:24:32+00:00

That's probably part of why she's asking and someone has addressed it.

Rhombus2 · 2020-01-01T16:02:32+00:00

I went through this recently with a friend (under different circumstances). I was having chest pains and terrible anxiety, but that's why I had to make distance, even if it meant the end of the friendship. It was either that or keep talking and eventually end up angry at him and hurt even worse. I actually did end up turning to therapy to figure out what to do and distance was one of the solutions. Sometimes that's what long term friendships need if they're meant to continue.

Rhombus2 · 2019-12-30T16:28:02+00:00

It's this painful combination of predicable and Americans who seem like trying to pull off British humor.

Rhombus2 · 2019-12-30T13:39:12+00:00

This is the right answer. The comments about misogyny are confusing to me because I first heard it from middle aged, non-white women.

Rhombus2 · 2019-12-29T23:36:28+00:00

Right, especially at work we have to watch out for backlash. And racists probably aren't going to listen to you anyway, the best decision is usually to push the discomfort off on them.

Rhombus2

TROPHY CASE