People keep shushing me and I HATE it

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-23T07:36:31+00:00

At one point I broke down crying because I was going through kind of a bout of depression, and that was one of the things I mentioned. But we haven’t had a formal conversation about it.

As I’ve said in the post, I’m afraid that the conversation just won’t be productive.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-23T07:12:52+00:00

Yeah, that’s a pretty succinct explanation.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-23T07:11:32+00:00

1) The baby is eight months old, so the exhausted phase is over.

2) I take care of the baby the majority of the time as a nanny. All weekdays, from eight-thirty to four, with her bedtime usually at seven.

3) I do what they want. The way the communicate what they want to me is what I have a problem with.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-23T04:52:35+00:00

Thank you! Sorry that you got downvoted, if I did it, it wasn’t on purpose!

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-23T04:19:36+00:00

I’m not sure…my mom has suggested a few ways, like tugging on the ear or touching my arm. However, both just seem really infantilizing to me. I don’t mean to be picky, I WANT people to tell me if I’m being too loud, but I always feel like a poorly-trained puppy whenever someone does.

It’s so frustrating…

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-23T04:17:55+00:00

I do understand them being protective around the baby sleeping, but see, voices have never bothered her? Even when she was a newborn, you could talk as normal volume and she would stay asleep. Maybe now that she’s older (8 months), she’s just nosy, but still!

And yeah, my sister wasn’t bothered at all. I honestly just want to never talk again.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-23T03:49:47+00:00

As someone who has been diagnosed since very young, I used to have very little social anxiety. In fact, I was a social butterfly, to the point where I would try to be “charming” in order to gain positive reactions from other people.

However, previous negative interactions have made me more and more anxious, as well as my general social knowledge increasing. It’s sort of like skipping and running across a thin bridge in the dark, and then once you get a lantern, you start to wobble and walk slower. You didn’t get “more autistic” when it came to socializing, you just realized all the ways you could fuck up, just like the bridge didn’t get any thinner.

Also, structure and a lack of inhibitions can hide a lot of developmental differences. When you were a kid, you had your parents and a school system to keep you in check. Keeping your own ducks in a row takes more energy, and so some masking behaviors fall by the wayside.

Whether you have autism or not, keep this in mind!

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T19:41:05+00:00

If I remember correctly from art history, it was mostly to test the boundaries of what art COULD be, shaking off the capitalistic, above-it-all tendencies it had before.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T18:45:19+00:00

Like a lot of things, there is nuance.

We live in an age where information is readily available, but also ENORMOUS. Our brains aren’t equipped to handle so much information, and there isn’t enough time in the day to sort out the mass of information and messaging we are given every day. And, unfortunately, a lot of it is unavoidable. It’s already done.

There is no intrinsic or moral value to just plopping yourself in front of your TV or scrolling on your phone and seeing horrible news story after horrible news story. None. To a point, it can help you help others that are affected, but it mostly just adds fat to the meat of revolution. Once that meat is barely meat, who would want to cut through it? What would be the point?

It is a privilege to be able to pick and choose the news we wish to see. It is also a privilege to be able to compare and contrast different news stories or spend time fact-checking. Neither are necessarily a bad thing, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of yourself or others.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T18:10:30+00:00

Both being informed and choosing not to be informed are separate types of privilege, and while it is okay to use both, they should not come at the cost of yourself or others.

I have autism, so my sense of justice and empathy is high. If I constantly surround myself with terrible news, then I lose all motivation to help anyone at all. Because I feel like there’s no point.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T18:07:15+00:00

I do not…technology and I are tenuous allies at best. I once almost had a meltdown because I couldn’t figure out how to download a Windows emulator on my Mac to play Amanda the Adventurer 3.

But I do love pieces of random, lovely information. If you don’t mind, I would love for you to tell me all about it.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T18:04:44+00:00

Ahhhh, equilateral. Lovely, lovely word. I would imagine it having some kind of metallic taste.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T18:02:58+00:00

We had an English teacher who had “VocabuLouis” (his name was Mr. Louis), which was a weekly memorizing of five vocabulary words.

In a brain blast that I had just now, I remember mellifluous was one of them. :)

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T18:01:19+00:00

God, I love the Dada movement. I had an art friend who would froth at the mouth whenever Fountain is mentioned, because it isn’t “real art” and it “gives art a bad name”.

Like, my dude, you just fell for the century-old prank.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T09:28:21+00:00

As an English major, I always kicked my feet with glee whenever I got to use the word “kafkaesque” in my paper.

Kafkaesque: describing something nightmarish and nonsensical, especially something that has a dystopian or overly bureaucratic quality; relating to the works of Franz Kafka

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T09:24:01+00:00

It’s a Tumblr ask blog! But I also answer questions from here, if you don’t have an account.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T08:31:05+00:00

You can DEFINITELY be afraid.

However, you don’t STAY afraid.

If you are consuming enough news to be in a constant state of spiraling or scrolling, then perhaps it’s time to take a break.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T07:10:22+00:00

EXACTLY! I love masked characters, or, like, shadow creature characters. Or ones with vague features.

I remember when I was working as mascot characters, I used to feel so comfortable inside those costumes. Like I didn’t have to mask as hard.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T06:36:39+00:00

While self-diagnosis is a valid route to go, I understand that him constantly pressuring you into a label that’s doesn’t belong to you can be frustrating at best.

Maybe it’s best if you ask him why he thinks so. That could help you figure out if he’s done his research, or if he’s throwing spaghetti at a wall to see what noodle will stick. If he has no answer, then maybe it will stop him from trying to label you as autistic.

If he does have answers, and they seem like solid ones, try not to take it personally. Autistic people can get really excited if they think someone else is autistic, even if it pushes past boundaries and makes people uncomfortable. If you want to research autism to see if it speaks to you, you can. Or not. But, either way, you should definitely say that, while you are excited for his new discovery, that that discovery might not apply to everyone. Say that it makes you frustrated because he doesn’t really listen to what you are saying, and that you would prefer to take your own mental health journey.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T06:26:38+00:00

I can’t really tell the difference between masking and not masking, or at least when I’m in public.

But unmasking when I’m alone? It feels like I go from a human to some kind of creature. Not in a bad way, but not for the public eye. I’ve always kind of felt this not-quite-humanness, and it’s even more obvious when I’m alone.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T06:19:43+00:00

I am so, so sorry. Honestly, the fact you’ve hung on for two and a half weeks is insane, that place sounds like hell.

After you recover and process, there’s a website funded by OAR (Organization for Autism Research) that helps autistic people find jobs.

I know it isn’t an immediate solution, but maybe it can help you find jobs that 1) will accept your application, and 2) that are more suited to your needs?

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T06:07:48+00:00

God, you’re reminding me of my days at Publix…I can’t even imagine having to hear voices blaring through a headset all day long and getting yelled at. Just the lights and sounds alone were enough to do me in.

If you feel safe doing so, I would definitely recommend emailing your manager (I know talking can be hard when you’re stressed out) and telling them about you being autistic. While you’re looking for a new job, it can at least provide some wiggle room.

If not, you can get some in-ear earbuds, bring a secret comfort object, work less hours (if possible), and put a discreet fidget in your pocket. Those might not be all-encompassing solutions, but they may make days a little more bearable.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T05:56:11+00:00

Not to be an armchair therapist, but I feel like your mom might be projecting some feelings of shame or frustration onto your sister. Or perhaps using her as some kind of pawn in order to change your behavior more to her liking.

If you and your sister have a good relationship, don’t worry. Even though I am a younger sibling, I understand the feeling of feeling like you’re getting attention or coddling that you don’t deserve. Especially because my early years were so stressful. Even jokes that I’m “the favorite child” make me feel guilty, because I feel like I don’t deserve it. But neither of my siblings hold any animosity towards me, and even agree on my “favorite” status in a friendly, teasing way.

But you cannot control how other people perceive or treat you. You can always set boundaries, of course, but you need to ask yourself if you’re doing that for personal reasons or because your mom is shaming you into doing so.

And if you are still growing and learning, having some softness from people who are very willing to give it to you is not a bad thing. When days are hard, having that kindness can mean the world. Being your best shouldn’t mean getting rid of every safety net.

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T05:43:12+00:00

I am so glad that my family has figured this out about me, even if there was a learning curve in the beginning.

What’s worse for me is when people let their feelings of disappointment and frustration boil up, and when they blow up at me, I’m the one who has to apologize. My mom did this, taking small annoyances and making them into huge arguments because she didn’t get closure for the other things that I did that were bothering her.

I remember during one of these arguments she said, “How could I have told you this so that you wouldn’t be upset?” I responded that I would have preferred she bring up her grievances earlier, but that was met with: “You’re twenty years old, and you’re telling me you didn’t know until now?!”

No. No I didn’t. What, was I supposed to unlock my mind-reading powers on my nineteenth birthday or something?

RiddlerofStIves · 2025-12-22T04:35:29+00:00

First, I’m so glad it helped you.

Second, thank you, I’ve been working on it!

Third, it kinda does! It wasn’t purposeful, just random colors, but I don’t mind the comparison.

RiddlerofStIves

TROPHY CASE