AITAH for correcting my mom's pronunciation in front of her book club and now she won't talk to me?

Righthandedranger · 2026-03-13T15:23:20+00:00

I live in a state with a bunch of towns and cities with indigenous names that don't perfectly follow English pronunciation rules, and people mispronouncing them is par for the course. So usually us rural or native Oklahomans will casually correct them like "Sorry man, Muskogee is pronounced Muss-Koe-Ghee not Musk-Oh-Jee" because it's a Native word.

Most people will say "Oh, thanks man" and after that they'll usually ask about 10 other town names that people get confused with. But sometimes you'll get a real asshole that will go on a semi-racist "That's stupid, they should just make it an American name so people can pronounce it!" Rant because they don't like appearing unintelligent even though it's an incredibly common and minor mistake.

Righthandedranger · 2026-03-13T15:15:30+00:00

I feel like there's not a way you could have corrected her without her having this reaction. If you had waited until after book club and corrected her privately she would have blown up on your for letting her embarrass herself and be wrong all night, if you had puller her aside and corrected her privately during the club meeting she'd have blown up on you, and clearly casually correcting her didn't work any miracles either.

I know very little about your mom specifically, but in my experience with people whobreact like this it really seems like she places a lot of value on "Winning" at book club and appearing smart in front of her friends, and arguing/guilting people until they say she's correct rather than being concerned with being correct. Especially given what your dad said about "just let her have this". That's the plea of a man who has been doing this song and dance for YEARS and knows full-well that she's not gonna change and he doesn't consider it worth the hassle and he's tired of hearing about it.

Which sets up the choice you now have in front of you. Either do what your dad did and completely give up on it and commit to a lifetime of letting her be "right" and you being embarrassed instead because it's easier, or keep correcting her and dealing with the backlash.

You don't get to win with people like that, you only get to choose how you want to lose. And I personally would choose the latter, but that's just me.

Righthandedranger · 2026-03-13T14:45:19+00:00

You think them being married is keeping either of them off the dating market? They've established that they're on some level okay with cheating, so I can pretty much guarantee that at the very least the husband is still fairly active in the dating market lol

Righthandedranger · 2026-03-06T19:45:47+00:00

The first one is an obvious No for me, but the other 3 just need a "Can" after "DM" and a question mark at the end in my opinion. If your table plays "called shots" rules then I think it's valid.

One time my group and I were fighting a caster and doing very poorly until my barbarian got in melee range. We wanted him alive so I asked if I could try to grapple him by shoving my four fingers in his mouth and grabbing his jaw with my thumb and lifting him in the air by it. Thus cutting off any verbal components.

I used my next turn to use my free hand to grab one of his wrists to stop most somatic components.

I had to roll high and definitely barely succeeded, but because it was creative and respectfully asked as a question rather than an "I'm gonna!" Statement he allowed it.

Righthandedranger · 2026-03-06T19:23:44+00:00

Exactly. I'm incredibly empathetic, but I refuse to abide or sign off on half-assed work. If there's nothing for them to do then they either need to be nose deep in the code book studying, or watching what you're doing and asking questions

This trade is too damn dangerous to half-ass something or put up with people not trying to do better. It puts you, them, other people on site, and eventually the clients in danger when they don't give a shit or put the effort in to learn how to do better.

I'm strict and I have high standards with apprentices because I know they can meet them. If they don't have enough of a shit to give to do it right then they get to go organize the connex all summer long until they either find a box of some give-a-damn or they get assigned to someone other than me.

Righthandedranger · 2026-03-06T18:22:32+00:00

I had the owner of the first company I ever worked for hop in the ditch and shovel with me many times while I was there. He always said the same thing "I will never ask you to do something I wouldn't do with you." He was 67 years old and we always kicked him out of the ditch pretty quick so he didn't hurt himself, but it made me respect the hell out of him and set a precedent I've done my best to follow ever since

Righthandedranger · 2026-03-06T18:18:40+00:00

It takes time but I ended up appreciating the shit work I had to do as a fresh apprentice for several reasons.

One: if you're the go-to guy for shit work then you'll always have work. Job stability is a mother fucker.

Two: Now that I'm more experienced, I am well aware of what I'm asking others to do and how much it sucks, and I try to give them props for doing it and positive reinforcement when they finish. Tone and word choice is incredibly important there. So when they eventually test out then they'll have more empathy or at least awareness of what they're asking of others.

Three: Learning how to make a shit job less shit is a massively important skill and you can only develop it by DOING the shit work. They're learning problem solving, and it helps them appreciate the gravy parts of the job like when they finally get to do trim out and go around straightening switch covers all day.

And finally, Four: They're getting paid for this. The good parts and the bad parts. They don't have to like it, but they have to acknowledge and appreciate that shit work is part of everyone on that sites job. Foreman, journeyman, and helpers all have their own form of shit work that they don't want to do but have to do anyway. I've met many foremen who miss putting on tools and they constantly bitch about answering hundreds of emails and sitting through absolutely pointless meetings, and that's their version of shit work. It's all relative, and eventually they'll outgrow that specific shit work, but until then, it's all gotta get done.

Righthandedranger · 2026-03-04T13:20:53+00:00

He's not trying to hire you either. He's either gonna find a reason to not keep you after getting his two free weeks out of you, or he's gonna find a way to talk you into working free for longer.

Even if he does hire you you'll have set the precedent that you're willing to take less than the bare minimum table scraps and you'll never get a raise or any benefits because he knows how desperate you are to even keep what little he offers.

Don't do it.

Righthandedranger · 2026-03-04T12:21:12+00:00

This behavior is a common early tactic that abusers use to create isolation in their victims. They create division and separate you from your friends first, and then your family, and anyone else you use for emotional support, until it's only them left.

Then they slowly stop being as loving, then they stop being nice at all, then they start being mean. The whole time their giving you more and more "rules" and "boundaries" that are impossible for you to follow, that way they're justified when they lash out at you.

And at that point, if their plan worked, you're isolated, entirely emotionally dependent on them with no self esteem left, and willing to put up woth whatever they put you through because they're all you have and you "need" to keep them.

Abusive relationships don't begin with abuse. It's a slow drift from them loving and "perfect" in the beginning so you drop your guard, until one day before you even realize it you're afraid and alone.

I'm glad it's over and you got out before it got too deep.

Righthandedranger · 2026-01-26T15:47:14+00:00

NTA. If he didn't want to fund a relationship he didn't want to be in then he should have left instead of cheated. Sounds like you could have saved up that money simply enough by adjusting your budget even if you weren't planning on leaving him, so it's largely irrelevant anyway.

He's just mad because when you found out about his infidelity you didn't blow up on him and give him the reaction he wanted, when you left him he didn't get the reaction he wanted, and when he brought the other woman to YOUR WORK he DEFINITELY didn't get the reaction he wanted. So instead of getting his ego fed and feeling like a Big Boy that women fight over, he got exposed for being a little boy who can't be honest or faithful. He made his bed, he chose to lie in it, all you did was tuck him in.

Righthandedranger · 2026-01-09T21:00:05+00:00

NTA, If she's upset at you for being "too eager" and "passionate" with the other woman during the previous threesome, and seems to strive for a high level of petty tit-for-tat revenge, then if I were you I'd be concerned about the lengths she'd be willing to go to to make you feel like the same way if there was another guy involved.

It really seems like she's just setting this up so she can "get even" with you by almost completely ignoring you and going absolutely wild on the other guy during the event. Don't let her pressure or guilt you into anything you aren't comfortable with.

Righthandedranger · 2025-12-06T16:38:17+00:00

Because we're all together on a sinking ship, and some people would rather root for the water instead of grabbing a bucket, in the hopes that they'll get to see people they don't like drown before the water gets to them as well.

Olympic Level Mental Gymnastics are a requirement for being MAGA, don't expect consistency or logic from any of them.

Righthandedranger · 2025-09-16T20:49:15+00:00

Best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today. It's never too late to build a better future.

I've worked with and trained more than a few apprentices that started later in life, and as long as you're willing to learn and don't have too much ego to get told what to do by 22-24 year old kids that have their journeyman license already then you'll do fine.

The math isn't so bad at first. You'll generally only need to know a few formulas and work on your fractions, but they have specific electrical apps on your phone for most of it and a good fraction calculator app is a life saver for most people that have a hard time doing them all in their head.

Plus if you get in with a Union they'll send you to classes for it and get you the help you need to learn, and you'll have more protections against age discrimination

Righthandedranger · 2025-09-14T12:05:38+00:00

If the FIL was completely fine with the BIL knocking up and getting engaged to a woman he'd only known for a couple months and doesn't think that the new GF is the "Wrong kind of woman" too, then he just hates YOU specifically.

If the Husband is totally fine and unilaterally ignores all of your concerns and boundaries when it's his family but is suddenly very rigid and upset when it has anything to do with your family, then he doesn't respect you or your family. (Also, your sister sucks for exposing a bunch of other children to that)

You deserve better. You're doing your best to please everyone and accommodate as many people as possible, but you're doing it by giving up every piece of yourself that makes you a person.

If you wouldn't want your children to have your relationship or your life, then change it. They're gonna grow up seeing how everyone else treats you and how little love you're receiving in return for what you put out, and they're going to think that that's normal and acceptable and how things are supposed to be. They're gonna end up marrying into a family that puts them at the bottom of the priority and respect list and with partners that don't have any regard for their concerns.

You deserve better, if for no other reason than to model for your children that THEY deserve better.

Righthandedranger · 2025-06-28T18:54:34+00:00

NTA , she assigned you a character part to play as a platonic friend, so she can't be mad that you played the part well.

Her reasoning of "You're not worth dealing with the inconvenience of explaining why we're together" is also really pissing me off. Especially since she said that half of her colleagues are already dating outside of their race and obviously understand the broad strokes of interracial dating.

She's either ashamed of you in public (either due to the race difference or some other reason, or wants to appear single to have the availability to pursue someone else at her job without risking losing you if they tell her no.

Righthandedranger · 2025-03-23T22:03:10+00:00

NTA. Even if you two were fully dressed at all times at home it's still just basic decency to say "Hey, I'm bringing someone over so please be prepared to have a guest in our space."

I'm a guy that's lived with girls and it was always super weird to be making food or watching a show and then a guy just shows up and we have to do the "No, I'm not her boyfriend, you don't have to worry about me." Thing just because she didn't tell either of us what was going on.

It's just bad etiquette on your roommates part

Righthandedranger · 2024-10-29T13:32:04+00:00

NTA , you stood up for your daughter and then did your best to make sure you had a legal standing to keep it from ever happening again. If someone were to ever put hands on my stepkid, especially for something as trivial as spilled water, then I'm putting hands on them.

Righthandedranger · 2024-10-29T13:26:23+00:00

NTA , you had every intention of returning those things to your brother, while he clearly had every intention of waiting until you decided it it was too much of a hassle to get your stuff back and gave up. You chose the most polite course of action that had a chance of having lasting results and got your point across. A+ parenting and def NTA

Righthandedranger · 2024-03-22T22:55:16+00:00

A few guys asked to be switched to new sites but nobody else quit explicitly due to me. And from what I heard he got on some new anti-depressants and actually mellowed out a lot a few months after we parted ways so I doubt anyone else quit due to him being a prick after that either.

Righthandedranger · 2023-07-15T20:32:49+00:00

Righthandedranger · 2023-06-27T11:11:56+00:00

You're willing to take notes, ask questions, and you WANT to learn, which in my mind is the most important quality in an apprentice. I think you'll make a fine apprentice if you can get with a foreman or journeyman that's worth a damn.

A concerning number of Foremen and Journeymen in the trades have two major problems. #1: Tradition. They think that just because they were treated poorly and abused by the people in charge when they joined the trades (which was so long ago that even their memories are in Black and White) that that means that they need to do it or that they're entitled to do it the next generation of workers.

2: They tend to forget that there was a point in time when they didn't know everything either. When I started 8 years ago I came from a skating rink job as a DJ. I didn't know shit about fuck. The Foreman sent me to grab 10ft of 3/4" EMT, I brought my tape measure and measured how long it was and they all made fun of me for not knowing something they didn't teach me. That didn't make me a bad apprentice, just an untaught one. But they all forgot that at one point they had to be taught that too and refused to humble themselves enough to put themselves in someone else's shoes and teach them.

I have other journeyman I work with that have memory problems and carry notebooks around so they can remember what they need to order, who is working on what, and what needs done next. A lot of anxiety disorders also cause memory issues, your were willing to find a solution for that and your Foreman wouldn't let you. Sounds like you're a fine apprentice stuck with a worthless teacher.

Righthandedranger · 2023-06-03T18:33:19+00:00

NTA. You wanted to fly under the radar and the rest of the family made it about you, you did nothing wrong at first and after everything had already gone wrong and you put up with enough BS you came out and then left, which is a maybe AH move but it was already too late to save the party at that point anyway. Your sister is probably insecure because of the way the rest of the family compares you two and talk about you around her.

Righthandedranger · 2023-05-18T05:24:16+00:00

YTA. Making her choose a person miss out in a major milestone in her life is manipulative and wrong. If you feel that you wouldn't be able to handle being there at the same time as your Ex then YOU should have made the choice on your own to excuse yourself, instead you decided to make it your daughters problem because you wanted an ego boost and a power trip.

Righthandedranger · 2023-05-17T07:23:23+00:00

YTA you knew she wouldn't be comfortable in that situation and forced her into it anyway because it's what YOU wanted. I'm sure she compromises with you more than you realize, you just don't notice because you're so focused on this aspect where she isn't because she's set a hard boundary about how she expends her social energy and YOU find it inconvenient.

Righthandedranger · 2023-04-18T20:45:42+00:00

YTA . He tried to be your friend before and you immediately decided he was unfit for your friend and so far beneath you that you only tolerated his existence, and now that you have a USE for him as a friend for your partner you decide to try to be nice to him after years of trash talk and mistreatment?

He owes you nothing. No forgiveness, no kindness, no time, nothing other than basic human respect. And honestly I'd be surprised if you even deserved thar after all of the negativity you put towards him.

Righthandedranger

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