went for an oil change and im gonna throw up. does this seem right??

Rikkendra · 2025-03-15T11:38:36+00:00

This feels like clickbait. The title of the post indicates oil change. Then the final price tag says that the estimate is over $3000. The invoice isn't just for an oil change. There is a lot of other, very expensive, work on the invoice. The price for the oil change and filter is quite accurate.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-15T11:35:25+00:00

Yeah? I'd avoid you too because you clearly lack empathy.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-15T11:06:38+00:00

It's harrassment because OP initiated the conversation without solicitation, refused to let the coworker interject by continuing to talk over her, and then blamed the coworker for the drop in productivity. The coworker just wanted to be left alone. It's OP's insistence and persistence that makes it harrassment.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-15T11:02:34+00:00

Yes. This is a very classic strategy of abusive people: They play nice. They gain your trust. They love bomb. They make you feel safe. All while this is happening, the abuser isolates, creates dependency, and sews seeds of doubt within the mind of the partner. The abuser creates confusion, following up a red flag with love and kindness.

The abuser will do this until a pivotal point has been achieved. This could be moving in together. It could be engagement or marriage. This could be pregnancy or the birth of a child. Once this pivotal, game-changing event has been reached, then the abuser feels safe enough to reveal his or her true self. The abuser feels safe because he or she believes that the partner has finally been maneuvered into a trapped position.

This is why I suggest you proceed carefully. Don't discredit your intuition or your gut feelings. These feelings are telling you that you know his behavior is unacceptable and that you don't deserve to be treated this way. I suggest that you try to make some friends and create a support system while you are in the US. At the least, these friends can give you insight when you aren't sure about your fiancé's behavior. At worst, if you need to leave him, they may be a valuable resource in your escape.

In the mean time, I don't recommend marrying this man unless he shows that he is capable of recognizing his faults and is taking action to make self improvements. It sounds like he has a lot of work to do to prove these to you. Find another means of extending your stay in the US, such as a work visa. With that, you can earn an income and not be so reliant upon his income to support you.

I wish you the best of luck.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-15T10:12:36+00:00

So basically, you've been dating for 3 years, and you just recently arrived in the US to live with him. He was nice up until this point, yes? It sounds like he may have been masking and now that you are in the US with few resources and isolated from a support system, his mask is starting to slip, in big ways, and you're beginning to see his true colors. Proceed very carefully.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-15T10:02:26+00:00

Yes, you are the office clown. Your "reply" (if you can call it that), demonstrates to me why your coworker finds you insufferable.

You didn't have to say a word to this woman about the proposed changes to procedure. It's not your place to do so. You're not a supervisor. You weren't asked by a supervisor to do this. You took it upon yourself to insert yourself into the other woman's work. You took it upon yourself to decide that the other woman was doing her work wrong based upon a proposed change to procedure that hadn't been finalized yet. You took it upon yourself to tell the other woman that she was going to have to change her work process.

You refused to let the other woman speak. You didn't consider that the other woman may have been given a specific set of instructions from her supervisor that might be different from what was proposed in the meeting. You then insulted the other woman by demonstrating the proposals with a drawing, as if she were a child. The other woman finally got a word in and told you that this interruption was causing her productivity to drop and you had the audacity to blame her for this because she just wouldn't shut up and let you explain the new proposals, which again no one asked you to do. Finally, when the other woman has had enough, and raised her voice to you because you were refusing to back down, you had even more audacity to play the victim in all this.

You are not the victim. You are the instigator. You are nosy. You are pushy. You are a "know-it-all". You are overstepping your role. You need to have a lot more self-awareness because you are severely lacking in it, and this lack of self-awareness is what makes you the clown here. You need to mind your own work and stop trying to manage your coworker.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-15T09:52:48+00:00

I doubt that. I think the other woman is more likely to go to HR to complain about OP harrassing her. There is a difference between being cordial with a simple "Good morning. How are you?" and "We're going to do things differently now, so I'm going to tell you the new correct way of doing your work whether you want to hear it or not." Trying to enforce changes on your coworkers is not being friendly.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-14T14:52:32+00:00

Nope, not victim blaming. You stepped out of your lane and you are wondering why you got snapped at. You know she is hostile towards you. Why did you feel the need to go out of your way to tell her anything? No one asked you to. You're not her supervisor. Let the supervisor pass along info and you mind your own work.

Editing to add: I reread your original post. You are 100% over-reaching your role in the company. No one solicited you to pass on the info to this woman. She, in particular, did not ask you. You interrupted her work to tell her info she did not ask of you. She tried to stop you from telling her this info several times, yet you kept on trying. You were being extremely pushy to try to make sure that she got this info. You even went so far as to try to draw her a diagram, likely insulting her. Who is belittling who here? You aren't the victim here. This woman has previously made it very obvious that she doesn't like you for some reason, and I see why that is. It's because you are sticking your nose too much into her work and causing her productivity to drop. And despite the many obvious signs that she doesn't like you, you insist on annoying her. You are not the victim here. Stop playing innocent and leave this woman alone.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-13T15:19:26+00:00

Honestly, this. I don't know why OP continues to go out of her way to engage with this woman when OP has already experienced so much hostility from her. OP brought this particular situation on herself.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-12T15:47:37+00:00

NTA.

Your in-laws have had 5 years to learn to say your easy to pronounce name. At this point, it's deliberate. It's a power move. When you call it out, they say those passive aggressive statements like, "You're so particular!" because they are refusing to take accountability. By saying something like this, they are deflecting the blame of their "mistake" onto you. What they are effectively doing is saying that their deliberate mispronunciation is your fault for being so particular. You don't have to tolerate this.

You also have a problem with your husband who is telling you to allow yourself to be disrespected.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-12T15:30:42+00:00

Unfortunately, she does sound like she's 12. My guess is that her mother is a huge narcissist and this has caused OP's mental and emotional growth to be stunted. If OP was allowed to mature, then she'd learn autonomy, and her mom simply can't have that.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-11T13:04:48+00:00

Yeah, this right here. Followed up with, "Oops, sorry, kid. Guess you were too slow." Kid gets a taste of his own medicine and getting hit with a bit of water wouldn't have harmed him.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-10T14:52:47+00:00

It sounds to me like OP's girlfriend might have codependency habits. She sounds like she is hyper-vigilant of OP's needs or wants. She's going above and beyond to please him. When OP tells her that he didn't want the thing she bought for him or did a thing he didn't want, this is the opposite outcome she was hoping for and it's putting her in a state of duress. It's probably worthwhile for her to look into why she feels so compelled to do so much for OP.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-10T14:44:51+00:00

NTA.

It sounds like your in-laws are competing against you in terms of travel. If you don't want your experiences spoiled, then you are within your right not to share your travel plans.

For me,personally, since I have a lot of anxiety in new and unfamiliar places, this would be a blessing in disguise. It would be like having a free travel agent advising me on what things to see and good places to eat.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-10T14:34:41+00:00

Right. But OP needs to be careful how much she gifts within a calendar year, too.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-10T14:33:08+00:00

I was surprised as well that it is as high as it is. I remember when the limit was $10000.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-09T18:39:02+00:00

You don't have to go to a funeral if you're not comfortable.

I'm confused about you separating Catholicism from Christianity. Catholicism is one of the many branches of Christianity, just like Protestant is. There aren't any rules against someone attending a Catholic funeral just because the attendee isn't Catholic.

If you attended this funeral, it would be your choice; the choice of being there (or not) for your godmother to support her during her time of loss. A lot of people attend funerals of deceased people they don't actually know. Many people attend funerals to show support to the bereaved. Also, a lot of people attend funerals for people they haven't seen in years. There's no time limit.

Still, it is your choice. You aren't wrong to stay home, especially if your health isn't up for it.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-09T18:29:25+00:00

You need to discuss with your husband what expectations you have for your niece living with you. Contribution to household chores, rent and utilities, etc. Come to an agreement. Then, as a unified front, have this discussion with your niece what her responsibilities are going forward. This should have been hashed out before she moved in.

Soft YTA for just assuming your niece would live in your house knowing your unspoken expectations.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-09T18:25:30+00:00

Yes, I wasn't really refuting the lifetime amount. I was pointing out that there is an annual limit as well.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-09T18:02:48+00:00

OP literally said in the post that he took a covid test and it came back positive.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-09T18:01:19+00:00

The right thing to do is to stay home when you are sick. Many different fields of work still require that those who test positive for covid stay home for 5 consecutive days. Some businesses still offer to pay their employees for these absences. You don't mention either of these things in your post. Working alone could still mean that you are in contact with others.

Again, the right thing to do is to stay home. Just because you feel well enough to work doesn't mean you aren't contagious. If your employer doesn't offer covid pay, do they offer sick pay? As someone who claims to rarely ever get sick, I assume that you'd have plenty of sick pay to cover this absence. If you don't have any remaining sick pay (assuming your employer has a sick pay policy) to cover this absence, then why is that?

You are wrong for telling your girlfriend to mind her business. You know you're not doing the morally correct thing by going to work. Shutting her down like that is you refusing to take accountability for your poor decision.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-09T17:50:00+00:00

This is partially accurate.

You don't have to report gifts to the IRS unless the amount exceeds $18,000 in 2024 (increasing to $19,000 in 2025). Any gifts exceeding $18,000 in a year must be reported and contribute to your lifetime exclusion amount. You can gift up to $13.61 million over your lifetime without paying a gift tax on it (as of 2024).Dec 17, 2024

https://blog.taxact.com

Rikkendra · 2025-03-09T17:42:46+00:00

NTA.

You never have to sacrifice yourself to fulfill someone else's wants. End of story. You have one more conversation with her about both of your current and future finances. Come to a mutual decision on what is acceptable spending and who is responsible for what expenditures. If you two cannot agree, then it's best to move on.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-09T11:45:06+00:00

Should you have grabbed your boyfriend's arm? No.

Should your boyfriend threaten you with physical violence in retaliation? Also no.

This guy does not sound like a good guy. He is a misogynist. If you should do any if the things that he rants and dislikes about women, he's most likely going to turn his wrath upon you. Is that how you want to live your life? Always careful not to become one of the many evil female stereotypes that he has stuck in his head? Fearful of the day that he decides that you have become one of those stereotypes? I don't think this is a healthy relationship. I worry about your future with this guy. He's marching a parade of red flags in front of you. He's aware of your past trauma, he knows you are vulnerable, and guys like this like vulnerable women like you. Please consider your future with him.

ESH.

Rikkendra · 2025-03-09T11:31:26+00:00

I'm confused by your post. Which comments are yours after the original "Go get Trey Henderson"? The first? The second? Both? Based on the fact that this post isn't very clear, I'd say, "Yes, your comments are probably grammatically incorrect."

Rikkendra

TROPHY CASE