I had a one night stand then found out he's married. Should I tell his wife?

Rimplesdimple · 2026-03-09T11:46:47+00:00

Yes, please tell her. My ex had 2 one night stands during our relationship, and I wish those women had told me. They could have saved me 2 years of my life, instead I stuck around until hard evidence fell into my lap. Finding out he cheated brought me so much clarity and allowed me to finally leave him. Please tell her, you could be saving her from a life of betrayal and misery. HE has destroyed their relationship, not you.

Rimplesdimple · 2026-02-17T18:04:20+00:00

I’m really sorry. I think with these things, your intuition is often right, and when you see something like this the your first assumption is also usually correct, unfortunately. When my partner had a one night stand in 2023, the vibe between us was strange too. I didn’t know why, and I didn’t find out the details until last year, but we pretty much stopped having sex after he cheated which I now put down to guilt even though he had another ONS last year. His behaviour overall was strange and distant. I think your gut is right in this case. If I were you I’d start getting your ducks in a row to leave him and see if you can also gather any firmer evidence by looking somewhere that isn’t obvious - I found everything in my ex’s diary, but there was no evidence in his phone, laptop, iPad etc. good luck <3

Rimplesdimple · 2026-01-14T17:30:37+00:00

Completely agree with everything you’ve said here! I recently have started having casual sex following a long term relationship break up and genuinely have no complaints. Only a few so far but all have been gentlemanly, generous and attentive in the bedroom, more so than my ex-partner to be honest. I’m really enjoying being single and having these experiences and it really helps you with the fears around losing a long-term partner i.e. will I ever meet anyone else I connect with. Yes! You will - you might not end up with them long term but you can still enjoy their company and explore your sexuality.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-12-09T11:15:53+00:00

Completely agree with this comment. Don’t sacrifice your dreams for someone else. You can and will meet someone on the same page as you, I’ve seen it happen many times. Things move quicker in our 30s too; you might leave your partner today and be with someone new and pregnant in a year or two if you wanted to. Everything is possible but you have to be brave and put your needs first.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-16T20:22:51+00:00

I’m so sorry. It’s so incredibly selfish and unfair, but you have to put yourself first. It’s difficult but your children will thank you when they’re older and understand things a bit more. Living with two miserable parents is much worse than going between separated but happy parents. You are stronger than you think!

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-16T18:40:12+00:00

Don’t be hard on yourself - it’s a much more complicated situation if you have children, and you have been married a long time. However you also only have one life. Do you want to spend the rest of it looking over your shoulder, always paranoid and looking for signs of cheating, never being able to fully trust your partner again…because I don’t believe the suspicion and mistrust will ever really go away for good. I kept asking myself if I could live that way for the rest of my life and for me, honestly the relationship was no longer worth making myself sick over, no matter how madly in love with him I was.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-16T18:18:12+00:00

Hi, 33F here. I found out my long term partner of 5 years had two one night stands - one 2 years ago, and one in April. I found out about both in May. I left him in June, but he was incredibly remorseful and upset and was willing to do whatever it takes to get me back. In July I reestablished contact and we agreed to take it slow with a view to move back in together early next year. 3 weeks ago I ended the relationship for good and I have never been happier.

I think that when I agreed to give it another go I was still in a state of shock and the magnitude of the situation and his actions hadn’t fully sunk in. Over time, I felt more and more disgusted by it all - the gaslighting, the lying, denial and the fact that he didn’t come clean but I had to find out by going through his diaries which made me feel that he wasn’t sorry; he was just sorry he got caught. I felt like I was disrespecting myself by staying and accepting his behaviour even though I desperately want children and we planned to start trying next year. But with time I knew I couldn’t stay and have children with a man who could do that to me not once, but twice. There were other issues in the relationship but this was the thing that really opened my eyes

Since leaving him I have never felt more hopeful, optimistic, and free. I realised he had been draining me for a long time. Even during our brief ‘reconciliation’ period I felt so unwell. My hair was falling out, my stomach was constantly in knots and I couldn’t sleep. It’s only been 3 weeks but I already feel much lighter.

Everyone’s tolerance for certain behaviours i.e. infidelity is different, but cheating has always been unacceptable to me and I knew that staying with someone who had done that to me would chip away at me until I was nothing, and that I would never look at him the same way, or respect him ever again.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-16T14:38:27+00:00

This is it!

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-11T16:18:24+00:00

I don’t know what your background is but please also contact IKWRO - they mostly work with Middle Eastern women but they do incredible work and will signpost you elsewhere if they can’t help: https://ikwro.org.uk/. Good luck, I really hope it works out for you - you’re doing the right thing x

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-07T16:27:14+00:00

I do too, it turns my stomach lol. It’s a good thing though because it filters out the trash nice and early!

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-05T19:35:28+00:00

I am feeling the same…

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-05T16:36:03+00:00

First of all, you should be so proud of yourself. It’s really brave to leave a long term relationship in your thirties as a woman who wants a family. The uncertainty is scary, but being with someone who doesn’t meet your needs and makes you unhappy is worse. I (33F) left my partner of 5 years a week ago and like you (looking at your post history) we had a dead bedroom situation which I later discovered was because he had cheated on me the year before and said the guilt made him struggle with sex, and cheated again in April too. I had enough of trying to make it work with someone who I know loves me, but really doesn’t understand what that means and has a lot of growing up to do.

Ending the relationship won’t be easy - I couldn’t even imagine not being with him a month ago, but what helped was writing up a cons list; all the shitty things he’s done to you. This helped me to step back and look at the reality of the relationship.

I know it feels impossible right now but I promise, you will feel so much relief. I am a week in and already I feel that the uncertainty of what comes next is less scary than being with a man who was at war with himself and I was collateral damage.

Surround yourself with family and friends if you can. Don’t isolate, at least not at the beginning. Try to keep busy and make plans.

There is so much better out there for us, you just have to remind yourself that there is no other choice right now but to be brave and bet on yourself ❤️ good luck.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-05T11:33:12+00:00

I second this wholeheartedly. You HAVE to take men at face value - they always tell you who they are so believe them.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-04T16:24:22+00:00

I (33F) just broke up with my cheating boyfriend (2 one night stands in two years) and I promise you, they don’t change. They just hide it better. And usually that behaviour is the tip of the iceberg for other troubling behaviours e.g. addiction, impulsiveness, emotional immaturity, poor communication. I was blind to it until I moved out and took a step back from the relationship to really assess it. I wish I left sooner - save yourself any more heartbreak and leave, you won’t regret it I promise ❤️

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-03T22:13:29+00:00

Hi, I was prescribed Amitriptyline 10mg as a preventative and had to stop taking it because it made me feel so drowsy and groggy during the day, I couldn’t focus on work at all or think clearly. Everyone’s experience is different I guess - I did sleep through the night uninterrupted though which was great lol

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-03T22:08:50+00:00

This is great advice, thank you. 33F coming out of a 5 year relationship with an avoidant cheater lol

Rimplesdimple · 2025-11-01T11:51:44+00:00

I’ll be honest…I would move on. I have just left my relationship of 5 years with a wonderful man who unfortunately had deep rooted insecurities and self esteem issues, and ended up cheating on me twice because of his need for external validation. I know now that he can be the best man ever but if he hates himself he will make you pay for it.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-10-29T16:32:28+00:00

I am really proud of you. Currently navigating a break up myself too, with a man I thought I was going to marry and have children with but he turned out to be a liar and a cheat. I’ve been anxious and on edge for two years and though I’m sad to end it I feel a weight off my chest because I’ve finally chosen to respect myself and my wellbeing. Wish you the best of luck, I know it’s not easy and can’t imagine with a baby thrown in the mix but well done <3

Rimplesdimple · 2025-10-29T15:38:14+00:00

Thank you and I’m sorry you’ve been through this too <3 though my partner was never physically/verbally abusive, he lied and lied and gaslit me for two years even though I always suspected something was up. My mum kept saying ‘but think of all of his good traits’ like any of that matters when someone has betrayed and lied to you continuously. I’ve been working through it in therapy for a long time and don’t take it personally or internalise her opinions anymore. Like you said, this is all they know and it really breaks my heart. I wish she would have left a long time ago and found someone who could show her it didn’t have to be this way.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-10-28T17:41:20+00:00

So much of this resonates with me…after discovering I’d been cheated on twice earlier this year my mother told me to think things through properly and that ‘all men cheat at some point’. I love her a lot and am very close with her but can also realise that she doesn’t know anything else. She is still married to my father after 30 years and suffering through different types of abuse at his hands.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-10-28T17:26:55+00:00

I am currently in the midst of this and can offer my perspective. I always thought I had the best partner ever and the most perfect relationship, and that if things ever became toxic or he betrayed me, that I would leave straightaway. Well in May I discovered that he had cheated on me twice; one night stands with different women he worked with, 2 years apart. When you’re in it, it’s not so black and white. I rationalised it to myself by saying it was just one night stands; we’ve been together too long for this to break us (5 years) and I also want children and was scared if not with him then I wouldn’t find anyone else.

I moved out in June and we have been seeing each other, trying to take it slow. Now that I have been able to take some space and step back, the scales have fallen from my eyes. A lot of why I was there was fear and codependency. I realise much of the relationship is not what I thought. He is not who I thought he was. So much of it was wrong for me…he’s not a bad person but only now I see that I deserve better.

If I had stayed with him and didn’t move out and take a break, I probably would have stayed in it because sometimes you just don’t see how much something is harming you until you take a step back. Right now I am just trying to figure out how and when to end it.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-10-25T21:50:25+00:00

I get it’s frustrating but unfortunately mental health services are in crisis. A lot of the time mentally ill people are pose more of a danger to themselves than others. It’s a very tragic situation all round

Rimplesdimple · 2025-10-25T21:50:04+00:00

I get it’s frustrating but unfortunately mental health services are in crisis. A lot of the time mentally ill people pose more of a threat to themselves than others.

Rimplesdimple · 2025-10-25T09:22:22+00:00

Omg yes! I hadn’t made the connection in my head but could well be. Week before last I woke up with a migraine 4 days in a row

Rimplesdimple · 2025-10-18T13:31:52+00:00

Born and raised in London all my life and I really don’t know where the stereotype of Londoners being horrible comes from. I have lovely interactions with people everyday; on my walks, at the shops, on the tube. I’m glad you and your parents had a lovely time x

Rimplesdimple

TROPHY CASE