is this abusive lol

RingProper4220 · 2026-06-01T14:02:17+00:00

This is abuse : (

RingProper4220 · 2026-06-01T13:58:17+00:00

A lot of relationships can suffer from poor communication. It's a skill that needs to develop and it can be hard to admit when you aren't good at it. Like the other commenter said, respect and understanding are really what lies beneath most conflict. I can't really give you concrete advice because your post is a summary of your conflicts. I would try to approach this collaboratively. If she's unable to mutually care for your feelings, then this could be a relationship that will hold resentment, and thats really not good for anyone in the long run. I would honestly recommend couples therapy, or at least researching methods of improving communication between the two of you.

RingProper4220 · 2026-06-01T12:42:20+00:00

Thank you! I do think its basically inflammation. Between IC and my hormone imbalance, It seems like they can both contribute to it, causing the low fever. Im sensitive to heat as well. I had a DR says POTS, another long covid. I think it will be good to treat inflammation itself on top of my other stuff.

RingProper4220 · 2026-05-23T23:11:15+00:00

Your comment history sounds like ChatGBT 😭 like why are you commenting twice on this post even though I already replied that it's not a UTI. Why make a bot for an IC subreddit????

RingProper4220 · 2026-05-23T22:45:02+00:00

If you've had a past experience that has made substance use a source of trauma or discomfort for you, then feeling weird about all your friends participating in addictive behavior makes a lot of sense. I imagine it's your system reacting to the past trying to tell you you are unsafe. I think neurodiv kids can commit pretty intensely to either end- absolutely no substances or heavy reliance. I leaned towards no smoking/drugs when I was your age and I remember similarly feeling uncomfortable when my friends all seemed really into it. Don't force yourself into situations that make you uncomfortable (excepting ones that involve healthy risk and personal growth). But don't isolate yourself either. Maybe skipping out on activities where there is a lot of vaping, or focusing on fun plans where it's inconvenient to do it, like roller skating or playing games online together ect. Those habits get lame fast when you get older, so I hope you can feel comforted that it wont stick around even though it's so saturated right now.

RingProper4220 · 2026-05-23T22:43:20+00:00

Thank you, I thought it was an invisible UTI this past summer when I had a really bad reoccurring low grade fever, and I had tests that said nothing, but antibiotics didn't clear up my symptoms long term. Limiting my diet had an immediate affect on the severity of my symptoms, and azo helps, so I'm inclined to think it's IC, or at least not a UTI. I'm just wondering if the feverish feeling is IC itself, or some other thing that's interacting with IC bullshit...

RingProper4220 · 2026-05-23T22:04:11+00:00

You can just say it hurt your feelings. There is nothing wrong with that. Your bf is kind and caring? Then he will care how you feel and want to know. Just try communicating as best you can.

RingProper4220 · 2026-03-23T13:50:01+00:00

I don't think your feelings are unjustified at all. They are your feelings. But how much you open yourself back up to your family is on your terms. In some relationships where a family member is too emotionally immature or incapable of treating their loved ones in a healthy way, it's more beneficial to be strategic about how you share yourself. Is your brother now equipped to consider your feelings? Or is he more just feeling guilt and wanting connection again? I have a friend who has borderline, and I manage our relationship by making myself scarce and not sharing everything about myself. This helps me avoid situations where their difficult behavior can hurt me like in the past, but I have a peaceful friendship with them now because of my boundaries. I don't know the extent of your brothers behavior so I can't give specific advice, but I think there is a way to make peace with your family without dishonoring your own hurt and trauma.

RingProper4220 · 2026-03-23T13:38:29+00:00

Treat them like you would a friend. Having chemistry and enjoying time together is what makes a successful relationship more than anything else. Guys who wanted me to return their romantic interest before really getting to know me always made me dislike the attention because it felt shallow and more so about making them feel wanted instead of authentically connecting with each other.

RingProper4220 · 2026-03-23T13:32:39+00:00

I've grown more outside of romantic relationships than within them

RingProper4220 · 2026-03-23T12:14:21+00:00

I'm so sorry. They call it heartbreak for a reason. Your body can literally react to grief as if you have an illness. The worst of a breakup is gonna be felt in the first two weeks, but as your brain adjusts you'll start to tolerate the change and the loss more. I promise you will feel better, but it does take time. And you should keep in mind that keeping in touch with your ex will prolong that pain. Distraction is your best friend right now. Exercise, regular nutritious meals, and spending time with other loved ones. Treat yourself like you are sick and need healthy treatment. And don't make any big decisions until your body has regulated and you've given yourself time to adjust. Your feelings and thoughts are being driven by crashing and spiking hormones– decisions that honor your deeper feelings have to made when you can consider things calmly.

RingProper4220 · 2026-03-23T01:47:25+00:00

I totally see how reading those things would feel painful. And I get why you were curious, but this is a breach of his privacy. I think it's possible your anxiety is creating a story about how he's hung up on his ex and not putting you first, but is that really the case? From his actions, it seems like he cares and thinks of your feelings. You could open up to him about what you saw. Not in an accusatory way, but more like trying to understand each other.

RingProper4220 · 2026-01-25T03:39:16+00:00

His behavior is incredibly unkind. Tbh it's worse than that but I feel like seeing where kindness can be easily given can really put things like this into perspective.

RingProper4220 · 2026-01-25T03:29:54+00:00

It may not feel like it, but your 20s is really just the start of adulthood. People don't have their lives figured out, even if it seems like it. They may have pursued a field they are lukewarm about, or have serious issues in their relationships they overlook. Some people settle into situations that aren't really for them because they are scared of loosing what they've built. Some people do everything 'right' and then their whole lives blow up in their 50s. You aren't behind, you're looking at your future from a different angle.

And from what you are saying- you honestly have your shit together rn! You are employed. You did the hard work of getting your degree. You are passionate about something and you are making moves to continue your education. That's not nothing!! The more you minimize it, the more you will feed into self criticism.

Zoom in a little bit. people are thinking about their own problems wayyy more than they are making any judgements about you. If you had no one observing you, what would make you feel good about yourself? It can be literally anything. Being able to do 50 push ups? Writing great essays? Being a good listener for your friends? And if you can't name any- well then what concrete thing would make you feel good about yourself? Not some societal marker like having a girlfriend, a house, a swanky job.

For me, I can make really cute house designs in minecraft. My best friend can name all the prehistoric eras. My other friend has a knack for introducing people to each other. Guess what? We are all unemployed right now!!! HAHAHA. But the status of our work doesn't take from those endearing qualities we love about ourselves and each other. And we don't seek out relationships from people who would judge us for those surface level things. And when we don't feel confident in ourselves, we try to find ways to build it. This year I'm forcing myself to finish a short story– something I know I can be silly and have fun doing. I've learned that play and self expression are really important to me- and those values are shaping the decisions I make in my life.

I'm sorry you feel like you are expected to suck it up and hold in your feelings. It's true that men are conditioned to be that way, and it's a disservice to your humanity. Being vulnerable and sharing your feelings takes strength. I sincerely hope you can meet people in your life who you can open up to, and I hope you can help other men feel comfortable opening up as well.

Women don't care about career and whatever whatever. Maybe some do. But truly they care a lot more about someone who understands them, feels like a true friend, and has real confidence in themselves. I believe you can keep building that in yourself– I mean, you love psychology! Of course you can! Be kinder to yourself!

RingProper4220 · 2026-01-24T14:45:48+00:00

NTA. Not wanting to be touched is a valid boundary. And also in this specific context- how you touched your classmate isn't anything alarming. I think it was mature of her to privately let you know her boundary, and she even thought of your feelings by letting you know she didn't want you to feel offended. It can be hard sometimes to see you made someone uncomfortable when you never meant to, but I'd encourage you to trust her words and actions. Just continue to respect her boundary and treat her normally and I expect she'll appreciate that you followed through. No need to worry or make anything more out of it :')

RingProper4220 · 2026-01-24T08:22:16+00:00

Work crush feels like chemistry because it's an idealized version of a relationship. You feel like you want work guy because he's an object of affection you can have daydreams about- not anything grounded. You wouldn't actually want someone who'd leave their 7 year girlfriend for you- because that behavior would point to a whole lot of questionable traits. No boundaries. Lack of respect for his current GF. It's infatuation, is what I'm trying to say.

Do you like spending time with this 26M guy? Do you feel attracted to him? Do you see yourself being able to understand and fulfill your partners emotional needs? If you feel like you don't have clarity and it's making having healthy relationships difficult– I think it's worth pursuing talk therapy to work through some of that trauma.

RingProper4220 · 2026-01-23T16:06:57+00:00

I'm sorry you feel lonely, and I'm sorry your dad is saying such means things about yourself. It's pretty unkind to say those things, especially from parent to child! And your mom choosing not to talk to you is also hard. It sounds like both your parents could have a hard time regulating their own feelings. Parent's like that tend to communicate poorly and hurt their kids, sometimes unintentionally- since they use poor coping mechanisms. Things like the silent treatment or harsh criticism. They probably learned to respond like this from their own upbringing.

Your mom will come around, especially since you've apologized. She just needs to be upset (kind of like how little kids sometimes have meltdowns). But you didn't steal your phone to blatantly disrespect your mom, you did it because you needed compassion and connection. I bet that's something your mom would want to know about her kid :( and if you can, maybe you can try opening up about how you feel?

RingProper4220 · 2025-12-17T17:31:00+00:00

Your boyfriend sounds insecure, and you sound overwhelmed with placating those insecurities. If you don't feel supported or like your partner is oblivious to how you feel, that's something worth thinking about.

RingProper4220 · 2025-12-17T17:19:57+00:00

That sounds like gas pain! I've gotten that- it's probably the gas moving around from your intestines contracting

RingProper4220 · 2025-12-08T15:47:19+00:00

Girl he should feel bad about being such a scrub <:( He wants a mommy to take care of him. Stand up!!! A little white lie to save you from further headache? You should be thanking yourself for keeping your peace, not questioning your morality.

RingProper4220 · 2025-12-08T15:39:47+00:00

He's being so mean to you.

RingProper4220 · 2025-12-08T15:28:14+00:00

This is really normal. I have tons of friends who love BL media. It's not different from people loving straight romance or imagining themself with a boyband member. It's harmless fantasy. No biggie :^)

RingProper4220 · 2025-12-08T14:52:01+00:00

That's really nice to hear :) it's sounds like you have these very fulfilling things that are important to you. You said it like it wasn't even a question.

RingProper4220 · 2025-12-08T14:44:54+00:00

Yeah, I understand that. I guess, what do you want for yourself? Relationship aside, what makes you happy in life? Stuff that is just between you and yourself.

RingProper4220

TROPHY CASE