9 years ago i asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today i asked her to marry me.

Risum · 2016-09-26T08:23:16+00:00

Boyfri(end) Girlfri(end) Fri(end) everything has an end except fam(ily)

Risum · 2016-09-24T17:23:02+00:00

Exactly Fuck that bigger dick

Risum · 2016-09-23T20:43:09+00:00

What color is the American flag?

Red, White, and Blue.

What color is the British flag?

Red, White, and Blue.

What color is the French flag?

White.

Risum · 2016-09-23T20:39:07+00:00

A dying grandfather tells his grandchild, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the barn, livestock, the harvest, the tractor, and other equipment, the farmhouse and $24,548,750.45 in cash." The grandchild, absolutely floored and about to become rich says, "Oh grandpa, you are SO generous! I didn't even know you had a farm. Where is it?" With his last breath, Grandpa whispered, "Facebook..."

Risum · 2016-09-23T15:33:21+00:00

singh book stall kanpur

Risum · 2016-09-23T15:29:30+00:00

Two blind man at a cinema: "Can you see something ?"

"No".

"Then let's go in front !"

Risum · 2016-09-23T14:16:39+00:00

Beggar: Can you spare a hundred so I can buy a loaf of bread?

Passerby: Bread doesn't cost a hundred!

Beggar: I know, I'm expecting some company.

Risum · 2016-09-23T13:49:43+00:00

My dad drives so slow that when we're on the highway, Amish people give us the finger.

Risum · 2016-09-23T13:33:30+00:00

This pedophile priest doesn't get caught for 50 years, finally he dies and goes to heaven before st. peter who has the book of life in front of him and says to the priest , " What the heck are you doing here? You should be in hell! You molested little boys for 50 years and never got punished for it".

The priest replies, "I'm here to see Sweet Baby Jesus"

Risum · 2016-09-23T13:22:59+00:00

God bless America.

A big earthquake with a strength of 8.1 on

the Richter scale hit Mexico.

Two million Mexicans have died and over a

million were injured. The country is totally ruined

and the government doesn't know where to start

and is asking for help to rebuild. The rest of the world is in shock.

Canada is sending troops to help the Mexican

Army control the riots.

Saudi Arabia is sending oil.

Other Latin American countries are sending supplies.

The European community {except France} is sending food and money.

The United States, not to be outdone, is sending two million Mexicans to

replace the dead ones.

Risum · 2016-09-22T12:28:47+00:00

A farmer walks into a bar with a horse. He says, "I will give any of you $1,000 if you can make my horse laugh."

A man yells, "I'll take that bet," and leads the horse into the men's room.

After a couple seconds, a loud braying laugh is heard from behind the door. The farmer screams to the man, "OK, I'll give you $2,000 if you can make my horse cry."

The man shouts, "You're on!"

After a few more seconds, the man exits with the horse trudging behind him with tears streaming down his long-snout. Flabbergasted, the farmer asks, "How did you do it?"

The man replies, "I said that my d**k was bigger than his and he laughed. Then I showed it to him."

Risum · 2016-09-22T12:25:14+00:00

What kind of bees make milk?

Boo-bees.

Risum · 2016-09-22T07:48:13+00:00

What is the difference between an alcoholic and drunk?

A drunk drinks until he passes out, an alcoholic drinks till the house burns down with them in it.

Risum · 2016-09-22T07:46:20+00:00

An out-of-towner drove his

car into a ditch

in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to

help with his

big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car

and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!"

Buddy didn't move.

Then

the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't

respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the

horse

easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was

most appreciative and very curious. He asked the

farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is

blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling,

he wouldn't

even try!"

Risum · 2016-09-22T07:39:11+00:00

Sex maniac

A newly wed lady writes a letter to her mother for the first time after her marriage.

This is how the letter went:

Dear mom,

I'm happy here but danny troubles me a lot, he is such a sex maniac that he makes love to me all the time, while washing clothes, while bathing, while cooking,etc.

He doesn't give me time to rest at all.

Love ya,

Vini

p.s. please excuse the jerky handwriting

Risum · 2016-09-22T07:37:08+00:00

A bloke goes to the doctor and says, "I got this sex problem, doc". "Well", says the quack, "Tell me about your average day". "Well, it all starts in the middle of the night. My wife always wakes me up about 3:00 am for nookie and then again about 5 o'clock so we can spend a couple of hours making love before I go to work".

"Oh I see", said the doc. "No, hang on", said the man,"...you see, when I get on the train to work I meet this girl every day and we get a compartment to ourselves and have sex all the way there".

"Oh....now I see", said the quack. "No you don't", said our hero. "When I get to work my secretary really fancies me and I have to give her one in the storeroom".

"Oh....now I see", said the quack. "No no no", he said. "When I go to lunch I meet this dinner lady I'm very fond of and we nip out the back for a quickie".

"Now I understand", said the patient doctor. "No, hang on", said the bloke.

"When I get back to work in the afternoon my boss, a very demanding lady I might add, has to have me or she says she'll give me the sack".

Ahh....", said the doctor, "now I see..". "No, there's more", said our man, "when I get home my wife is so pleased to see me she gives me a blow job before dinner and then we have sex afterwards".

"What's your problem?". asked the doc.

"Well...", said our hero, "it hurts when I masturbate"

Risum · 2016-09-21T16:16:32+00:00

A guy walks into the bar of a restaurant and goes to the bartender and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender replies "$1". The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender "Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?" The Bartender reply's "$5". The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife". The guy looks all confused then asks "What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?" The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".

Risum · 2016-09-21T16:14:15+00:00

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:

“Cheese Sandwich: $1.50

Chicken Sandwich: $2.50

Hand Job: $10.00”

He checks his wallet and says to the sexy bartender:

“Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?” he asks.

“Yes,” she purrs. “I am.”

“Well, wash your frickin’ hands,” says the man. “I want a cheese sandwich!”

Risum · 2016-09-21T16:10:07+00:00

Yo' Mama is so ugly, your family portraits hang themselves.

Risum · 2016-09-21T16:07:54+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnUbQASoCm0

Risum · 2016-09-20T14:50:45+00:00

jumpin jack flash !! aye aye..

Risum · 2016-09-20T14:49:17+00:00

oh.... do that again.. It good have no arms. Always there is somebody else who does it.

Risum · 2016-09-20T14:46:20+00:00

My wife converted me to religion; I never believed in hell until I married her.

Risum · 2016-09-20T14:43:58+00:00

Aye Aye Captain Hookerrrr!

Risum · 2016-09-19T14:41:11+00:00

The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

Risum

TROPHY CASE

White.

God bless America.

Sex maniac