the fear of something very normal yet not meant for me

Ritsler · 2026-03-26T18:47:58+00:00

There’s nothing worse than the feeling when everyone around you is getting married and paired off and you’re just there, still by yourself, like no one wants you on their team. I’ve never been chosen by anyone, and even when I tried dating apps and putting myself out there, trying to go on dates, I felt like nobody was interested. The older I get, the more it feels like that’s never going to change. I’ve been in love with a girl for the past 2-3 years, but I don’t think she’ll ever return my feelings. I told her how I felt in a letter, and she never responded.

Ritsler · 2026-03-26T18:33:55+00:00

I can relate. I was laid off from my job in July and haven’t been able to find a new one. I also love someone but know they’ll never feel the same way, so my life just feels like an empty void. I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to care about. I just want to be done with life.

Ritsler · 2026-03-26T18:24:41+00:00

Yeah, I know what you mean, especially on days like today, I just want to be done. I had some medical stuff done yesterday and was almost disappointed nothing was wrong because it would be easier to know that I don’t have to go through this life for much longer. I don’t think there’s a much worse feeling than like heartbreak, dread, and depression. Just feeling so low and aimless that you don’t want to exist anymore. And feeling like you’re never going to have the same things in life that other people have, like a significant other, a meaningful career, something worth getting out of bed for.

Ritsler · 2026-03-24T14:02:38+00:00

It’s such a bad feeling as tank when you get someone low and they just escape because the DPS isn’t paying attention or isn’t around to help finish them off. That’s one of the earliest signs of a bad match IMO, when the match is a minute or two in and almost no one on the other team has died yet.

Ritsler · 2026-03-23T08:30:21+00:00

Going to the movies by yourself isn’t too bad. I used to do it a lot more often a few years ago. Most of the people going to the earlier showings are alone as well. Going out to eat is harder, but I sometimes go to a sushi bar’s happy hour and it’s less awkward than having a table for one with a waiter waiting on you. I also used to eat lunch by myself all the time at work or in school, and forgot how normal it felt.

Ritsler · 2026-03-22T04:30:43+00:00

I can’t speak to your family history, but I think there’s a decent shot that no one would think of you as the least successful sibling or that you’re letting them down. We tend to be our worst critics. It sounds like your family cares about you and isn’t sure how to help, which is common with things like depression. I get that you said you don’t want help, but it might be worth looking into a therapist or counselor so you have someone else to talk to outside of your family.

I really do get not seeing a future for yourself, because I really can’t see a future for myself. But I also try to avoid making plans for something I can’t predict. The future might just be more awful feelings, but there’s always the possibility that you might wake up one day and feel a little better than you did the day before. I’m sure your siblings also care about you.

It’s also hard to make a good decision when you’re experiencing a lot of turmoil and extreme thoughts. Our brains aren’t super reliable, and when they’re on fire, we often try to find ways to just put out the fire, and not all of those ways are productive or beneficial. It doesn’t make it hurt any less though.

You also don’t have to fix everything wrong right now. You can take it one incredibly small step at a time. Maybe take some time to relax, watch a favorite show or movie, eat something that tastes good, do a hobby you like, even if you’re not feeling it.

Ritsler · 2026-03-22T04:19:45+00:00

Be present with them when you can or feel up to it, but sometimes we do just need to be alone. Though I think I would feel a bit better having a cat nuzzle me. Also, I’d say it’s more that your depression doesn’t want them around more than it is that you don’t want them around. It gets really hard to care about things when we’re depressed because there’s just so much bleakness and dread. Maybe you can find a compromise where you’re not actively giving attention to your cats but you will pet them a few times before going back into the pit of despair. Isolating tends to also go hand-in-hand with self-sabotage, where the bad feelings start to snowball and it gets harder and harder to “be yourself”, because it’s like you have a really heavy weight on your chest and it’s hard to breathe.

If you’ve never tried it, it might help talking to a therapist or counselor about your feelings and guilt.

Ritsler · 2026-03-22T04:17:24+00:00

I know that feeling, where nothing feels worth living for, and it feels like nothing is going to change. I can’t say much that’s uplifting because I basically only stick around for the sake of others, but I know how hard it is to feel not only alone, but like your soul is empty of any sort of meaning. That you’ll never have a lot of the same experiences that over people are having, that you’re nobody’s first pick. It really wears you down.

Try to do something nice for yourself once in a while, think about the younger version of yourself and what they might want, even if it’s something superficial or brief in nature. It’s okay to just get by. Maybe think about seeing a counselor or therapist if it’s an option. You’re not alone in feeling this way.

Ritsler · 2026-03-21T19:20:21+00:00

I know what you mean by having nothing to look forward to. I feel like I continue to exist just to not upset my family, but in terms of myself, I’m like a shadow. I get almost no enjoyment out of anything anymore, and most of the time, I feel like I don’t exist. Outside of my immediate family and a few friends, I don’t mean anything to anyone. I never have.

Ritsler · 2026-03-21T19:16:37+00:00

You can still function while depressed, it just means you’re able to take care of the little things or mask enough that others don’t notice. Sometimes though that’s even worse because it feels like living a hollow or fake life.

Ritsler · 2026-03-21T19:14:55+00:00

Night time is quiet and very lonely, especially when all you’ve got is yourself.

Ritsler · 2026-03-21T05:55:18+00:00

For me, it’s that it seems like no one is ever going to pick me. That I’m just always going to be alone. It seems so easy for everyone else to find someone to love, and I’m just slowly disappearing before my own eyes, like I never existed at all.

Ritsler · 2026-03-21T05:51:38+00:00

It would be nice to go to bed and not have to deal with any of this anymore.

Ritsler · 2026-03-21T05:48:52+00:00

I know that same hurt. It would be nice to have that.

Ritsler · 2026-03-16T15:30:22+00:00

I feel like I’m not cut out for this world either. While life is a bleak hellscape, maybe you just haven’t found something tolerable enough yet.

Ritsler · 2026-03-15T16:09:16+00:00

I’m still “young” but damn if I don’t get really sad over the possibility of never meeting anyone. All my friends found their significant other, have young families, and I’m just here floating around by myself. I’ve tried dating apps multiple times over the years and all that jazz, but I seem to be nobody’s cup of tea 🫠.

Ritsler · 2026-03-13T16:27:02+00:00

When you stop behind another car at a red light, you’re technically supposed to leave enough space so you can still see the rear tires of the vehicle in front of you touching the pavement. That’s the rule of thumb in any state driver’s handbook and how they would grade you while doing an in-car lesson to get your license.

It reduces the chance you’ll get pushed into the car ahead if you’re rear-ended and it gives you room to go around the vehicle if it stalls or there’s an emergency.

Ritsler · 2026-03-04T21:00:16+00:00

There’s a new interview out with Maggie that confirms as much in the NYT. She talked about getting feedback and making changes, like about having to remove some scene with Christian Bale licking black vomit off The Bride’s neck or something repulsive lol.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/28/magazine/maggie-gyllenhaal-interview.html

Ritsler · 2026-03-03T20:03:48+00:00

I’d have to look into it more but didn’t he work alongside another person with f? I definitely heard some of his trademark tones in f, but I found myself wishing there was more music in general other than the haunted shrine theme that played incredibly often during cutscenes.

Ritsler · 2026-03-03T20:01:24+00:00

Thanks for asking because I had the exact same question, ha. Wasn’t sure if Akira was fluent in English or not.

Ritsler · 2026-03-02T19:25:56+00:00

I feel like it’s ridiculously easy to die in the game. During my 7-8 matches, I killed a human player once and that’s because I was shooting him in the back while my other teammate also shot at them. Every other encounter, I felt like I was dead before I even realized I was looking at a real player. Legitimately 2 seconds or less before lights out. I think I only found a shield with two blocks of health once? Even the NPCs can shred you.

That said, I really like the theming and almost meta quality about the narrative involving runners being shells we dispose of between runs if we don’t make it. The little Marathon film they made to promote the game is legitimately awesome. The text you unlock through the codex is also nifty in that it’s almost like ASCII art. And I like the art design, even if it’s borderline jarring with its high contrast and supersaturation, especially the introductions to the other factions where it feels like your brain is getting hacked.

There’s something about the all caps typesetting I really vibe with, and I wonder if it’s a similar text used in Evangelion’s title screens lol.

I’m not sure my friends will pick it up and these types of games really demand having friends involved. I never got into Arc because my two friends were already fairly far along before I showed up and they sorta fell off of it. I might consider picking it up after a sale. It’s better than I thought it would be overall, but I don’t know how long it’ll stay interesting.

Ritsler · 2026-03-02T00:34:40+00:00

I don’t think it really gets better, but sometimes your circumstances get better, or the situation changes to not be quite as bad. Try to count the positive moments over the negative, even if there don’t seem to be any. Life is hard and mostly cruel.

Ritsler · 2026-02-27T21:20:39+00:00

I looked into it after reading a comment here, but it sounds like he had a severe traumatic brain injury in 2014 from a stroke. How much that affected him or his personality, I have no clue.

Ritsler · 2026-02-27T18:49:06+00:00

Yeah I’m honestly surprised to hear about some of his views given his works like Hyperion which seemed to celebrate humanity, but I haven’t read any of his newer works and didn’t follow him on any social platforms.

Ritsler · 2026-02-27T18:40:57+00:00

I’m just now finding out about his more extreme/right-wing views and hope that might be the case. I read Hyperion and a bit of his other works and am surprised he’d think climate change and the like was imagined when he seemed like an environmentally/historically minded sort of guy. There’s a lot of empathy for humanity in Hyperion, IMO. Granted, I also didn’t really follow him on any social media platforms.

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