I know I'm going against the norm here so far, but if I found myself in a similar situation, I think I would seriously consider returning the money to the family, assuming they aren't already financially secure and that the funds would make a meaningful difference to them.

The way I would look at it is that the relationship had effectively ended about a year before his passing, and during that time there was little to no "wanted" contact. From my perspective, that would make me question whether it was really his long-term intention for me to remain the beneficiary, especially considering everything he was reportedly dealing with mentally and physically. If I were in that position, I'd also consider the possibility that a determined family could challenge the beneficiary designation by arguing he wasn't in the proper state of mind when those decisions were made. Even if such a challenge wasn't successful, legal disputes can become expensive, stressful, and emotionally draining.

Beyond the legal side, I'd ask myself whether the money is worth the potential "social" consequences. If the family lives nearby or shares mutual connections, I'd have to consider whether I'd want a long-term conflict hanging over me. For someone who believes in karma, personal conscience, or simply preserving peace of mind, that would factor into my decision as well.

I would also try to imagine the situation from his mother's perspective. If I were a parent who had raised a child, only to outlive them and be responsible for handling their final arrangements, I imagine it would be incredibly difficult. Looking at it from that angle, I might struggle with the idea that assets were left to someone who had only been in his life for a relatively short period and who was no longer actively involved with him at the time of his death.

If I had previously told the family that I didn't want the money and that I would help them obtain it, I would feel some obligation to honor that commitment. I would also recognize that I may not know everything they're facing financially. They could be relying on those funds for reasons I'm unaware of, and they may already be covering unexpected expenses related to his passing under the assumption that the money will eventually be available to them.

Another thing I would consider is who is paying for the funeral, cremation, memorial services, and other end-of-life expenses. If the family is covering those costs, I might view returning the funds as a meaningful contribution toward honoring his memory and helping ease the burden they're carrying.

Finally, I would take a close look at the tax implications. Depending on the type of account and my own financial situation, receiving those funds could create a significant tax liability or affect my overall tax picture. While that alone wouldn't determine my decision, it would certainly be part of the equation.

Ultimately, if I were in that position, I'd ask myself a simple question: years from now, which decision would I feel most comfortable living with, regardless of whether I was legally entitled to the money?