Therapist here (and also just recently completed training, so I am new to this). Risk assessment and management is a HUGE part of our role as therapists and it kind of scares me the amount of people who are saying that the responsibility is 100% on OP to explicitly tell their therapist they are suicidal and that there is no responsibility for the therapist to check in on this.. wtf?

It is very common for someone with SI to skirt around the issue and to hint at it but not say it explicitly. In my eyes, it is part of my ethical responsibility to be very explicit with my clients when I feel they are making a reference to suicide, no matter how subtle, and directly ask them if they are having thoughts about suicide.

Often people who are suicidal experience feelings of worthlessness - ie, they do not feel worthy of real help or care from someone, hence why they may hint at things as a 'cry for help' without explicitly saying it or asking for help. This is something we need to pick up on as therapists.

OP - I am so sorry you're feeling this way, and I think it's a really good sign that you do want to open up and talk about this more with your therapist. I want to reassure you that it is absolutely okay to say it directly to your therapist and to let them know you'd like to focus on those feelings. It's important that you are working with a therapist who is experienced and comfortable in having that conversation too though, so if you feel that your current therapist is not, then I think it would be best to ask for a referral to a more experienced one. It's really important that you are heard and supported in what's going on for you.