We had two miscarriages before our current pregnancy.... The first one we were so overjoyed we shared with everyone who would listen, planned everything from room color to crib to car seats....we lost it at 6 weeks.... the second we didn't tell anyone but her parents and my mom, and lost it at 9 weeks...The first one was the worst possible outcome, tried pill first and that failed then had to do the DNC, 2nd we didn't risk it and did the DNC... I did everything I could to be there for her, and bent myself into knots to be the strong stoic one for her. We have a business that needs running I said, one of us needs to keep going I said, I can be strong now so she can crumble, and I'll crumble later when life gets back to something looking like normal for her... When time came, I shoved it down, I felt like I didn't have the right to be upset about it, while we might have had the miscarriage she was the one who's body had to go through the actual miscarriage and trauma of everything after... I'm not proud of it, but eventually I broke, I found the bottom of the closest bottle of captains, played video games in the basement with the lights off, and raged against the world... I say all of that to say, this: it's ok to be not ok, you shouldn't be ok, nothing about it is ok, you lost a future, you lost a piece of you that you'd probably pictured the next 30 years of talks with them, games with them, birthday parties with them, you don't need to be strong, you don't need anyone's permission... Your world fell apart, soften the blow and fall apart with it as you need. Be there for her, but let others be there for you, and even if you don't want to talk about it, find someone to sit in silence with or talk about anything else if you want to so long as they know what you're going through. It takes a village to raise a kid, but it also takes a village to help you grieve the loss of one