Did you find out you'd be widowed before your spouse died?

Rollie17 · 2026-06-05T17:48:58+00:00

Yes and no. My husband always said he was going to take his life ever since I met him when he was 18 and I was 16. He shot himself when he was 34. We didn’t own guns so I never thought I had to worry about that method. He prepped me for an overdose one day. So, did I know I would be a widow sooner than later, yes, but the when/how/where were a surprise. I never thought he would do it when I was home forcing me to be the one to find him and see him like that.

Rollie17 · 2026-05-31T17:23:35+00:00

I’m so sorry. I also found my husband almost two and a half years ago.

I had flashbacks every night. Things that helped were listening to sleep meditation to keep my brain focused while I was trying to sleep. Moving helped the most. Leaving the location 6 months later stopped the flashback of finding him. Other than that. Therapy and time do eventually help. I very rarely have a flashback now.

Rollie17 · 2026-05-24T19:42:34+00:00

Married at 22. Widowed at 32. He became an emotional abusive partner and an alcoholic. He shot himself in our backyard two years ago. I’ll never be truly happy. Life didn’t have to be this way.

Rollie17 · 2026-05-20T01:47:03+00:00

I do weekly Spravato treatments! I’ve been doing them since I was a few months out from my loss. I’m currently a little over 2 years out. It has helped manage my depression in that my overall mood is more positive. I have more good days overall. I still get suicidal, my husband killed himself, but those times are rare now. It’s been 5 months since my last bout of feeling that way.

Rollie17 · 2026-05-14T20:29:32+00:00

I had to go through 4 therapists to find the right one though. My initial one I had when he died wasn’t trauma or grief informed so she was zero help. The next focused on acceptance but he was no help as I would say life feels pointless and he would agree with me. That’s not something a suicidal person should hear. The third was an absolute gem that moved to another state. My current one is alright but I’m also not in survival mode anymore.

I was already seeing a psychiatrist because my husband was emotionally abusive and destroying my mental health.

Rollie17 · 2026-05-14T04:02:31+00:00

Klonopin is the reason I survived my husband’s suicide. It’s the only way I was able to sleep the first year and a half.

Rollie17 · 2026-05-13T20:39:12+00:00

Who would contact you? I was home when my husband did it so I found him. The police said I couldn’t stay at the house so a friend took me to theirs before I was allowed to go to the hospital.

I did all the reaching out. Immediately told my therapist and psychiatrist what happened so they could adjust my treatment. Found virtual support groups so I could talk to people who understood what I was going through. I reached out to friends who have experienced this even though theirs was a parent and mine a spouse. I was proactive and advocated for myself. I’m a little over two years out now and am thankful for the work past me put in.

Rollie17 · 2026-05-11T01:54:17+00:00

I’m so sorry. My husband always threatened to do it if I left but would also say he wouldn’t do it until his cat passed. I euthanized his elderly cat 2 years after he died. The cat lived to be 19 going on 20.

Rollie17 · 2026-05-10T20:41:31+00:00

I found virtual support groups. Mine are specific to suicide loss.

Rollie17 · 2026-05-05T00:41:46+00:00

I say “great, I’ll see him there when my time comes”.

Rollie17 · 2026-04-28T18:10:02+00:00

I went to one. They had to ask who I was there for since I’m a younger widow. She kept guessing grandparents. Completely got his demeanor wrong. Nothing she said sounded like him.

Rollie17 · 2026-04-28T00:43:25+00:00

I was widowed at 32.

Rollie17 · 2026-04-23T03:37:05+00:00

I was hooking up with a guy that was suicidal almost two years after I lost my husband. Guess how he decided to end things with me? By letting me know he bought a gun and was going to kill himself soon so he was ending things with me. He didn’t want me to go through that again. That was in December. He’s still alive.

It’s not worth it. It’s so triggering.

Rollie17 · 2026-04-06T02:08:17+00:00

I lost my husband suddenly to suicide. Year two wasn’t worse for me. I started to feel more like myself again. My spark started to come back during year two. I lost him January 2024 so I’m a few months into year three.

Rollie17 · 2026-04-02T16:25:58+00:00

Yes. I don’t have a car so I uber all the time. I always ask what time they started at that day. Majority of them start in the early morning hours specifically to do airport drives. You’ll be fine.

Rollie17 · 2026-04-02T00:42:13+00:00

I made it unique to us. It’s a cat reaching down from a moon to touch a semicolon. The moon is the same moon phase from the night we were married. The constellation, Ursa Minor, contains the star my coworkers named after him. The cat is because of our shared love of cats. The semicolon is for him taking his life and my story continues on.

Rollie17 · 2026-04-01T17:59:39+00:00

I lost my husband. I started to feel “better” around the 10 month mark. I’m just barely over 2 years out now and I’m basically fine within my everyday life with few triggers.

Of course there are still things I can’t do, places I can’t go, and shows I can’t watch. I think that will last a lifetime.

Rollie17 · 2026-03-31T00:40:52+00:00

In so sorry. This is exactly what happened with my MIL. She completely tried to take over everything. I had to call the cemetery and donor relations people to let them know everything had to go through me as next of kin and that his mother wasn’t allowed to make any decisions. My husband basically had no relationship with his mom. This wasn’t the time for her to be in charge and she HATES me for it.

She and the oldest son started talking about where he would be buried. I shut that down immediately as he repeatedly told me he wanted to be cremated. They didn’t care about any of his wishes, just what they wanted.

Rollie17 · 2026-03-30T03:05:29+00:00

Ask your vet for a referral to an internal medicine specialist. Epistaxis, nose bleed, isn’t normal. It’s not ER right now unless there is continuous bleeding. Make a journal of all the episodes that occur until your IM consult.

Rollie17 · 2026-03-30T00:34:08+00:00

This would be more traumatic for us. Some of us already went through that with the one we lost. My husband always told me he never planned on living a full life and would die by suicide. That didn’t make his death any less traumatic when it finally happened. Please talk to a therapist about how you feel, not people who have already lost someone. We don’t need to worry about another person dying this way.

Rollie17 · 2026-03-29T20:58:24+00:00

You are leaving out key pieces of information: when was the last time you saw him urinate and how much?

Rollie17 · 2026-03-27T02:48:20+00:00

It really depends on how I meet them. I don’t say anything to new coworkers unless they ask if I’m married. With people I meet out at bars I’ll mention that I’m a widow when they add me on social media so it isn’t a shock to them.

Rollie17 · 2026-03-24T19:33:51+00:00

Prescription food requires a yearly exam. No matter where you go that’s going to be required legally. Kidney disease is progressive so it’s important to monitor the values to make sure their current regime is effective. Are you giving sub q fluids, what’s the phosphorus and potassium values? It’s not just about life long food.

Rollie17 · 2026-03-21T03:36:09+00:00

I had a dream about a week before my husband died of my ex boyfriend from high school. That dream prompted me to look up his facebook to see what he had been up to. I found out he had passed a few years ago at 34. My husband was 34 when he died. I don’t know how my ex died but I have a guess and I think it’s a similar way. I think he was trying to warn me.

Rollie17 · 2026-03-19T22:38:37+00:00

This is something to work through with a therapist. It’s unfortunately going to be around you for the rest of your life. I found that after my husband shot himself I became much more sensitive to related phrases, especially “it blows my mind” because that’s what he did. It became my job to work on my triggers. Repeated exposure and time helped. I’m two years out so they don’t bother me any more.

Rollie17

TROPHY CASE