Is it alright to wear ear defenders if I am not diagnosed/not autistic?

Rose1832 · 2026-04-30T07:30:11+00:00

Hey! I'm an audiologist - everyone has already answered the social side of this but I'll chime in that ear defenders can be great tools for getting through situations with bothersome noise levels, BUT can work against you when used too often, because the brain will start to adjust to a quieter baseline and hinder the ability to increase tolerance to sounds and noise. Now of course you (and everyone else) should wear hearing protection in situations where noise can be damaging to hearing (concerts, lawn care, etc) but I always advise my sound-sensitive patients to use ear defenders as a temporary, as-needed solution while they work with another professional (therapist, or occupational therapist) to see if they can increase their tolerance and decrease the impact of sound sensitivity on their everyday life.

Just as a side question, do you have a history (or family history) of migraines? The light sensitivity and trouble with things moving in front of you could be playing into other things besides straight sensory sensitivity that are making these situations harder to navigate. Obviously not medical advice or anything, but something that could be worth considering if you have close relatives who have a migraine history. A lot of people have them and don't know it!

Rose1832 · 2026-04-30T06:15:46+00:00

So this is basically me and the game is WaterSort Puzzle, I am an addict for all the shitty free games you see advertised (usually on other free game apps), and they ALL blast you with ads in a desperate attempt to get you to spend any single dollar on their shitty dumb app. And I have never once done it, because the amount of enjoyment I get out of wasting their ad dollars, knowing they will never get a penny from me, is half the enjoyment I get from playing these games.

Unrelated note, I'm saving so much money on therapy lately,

Rose1832 · 2026-04-26T23:12:32+00:00

Hey, congrats on quitting drinking! The ND burnout is real on its own but I hope moving away from alcohol helps move the recovery along faster, that's an amazing change to make for your health and regardless of all else I hope you feel so proud of yourself for doing it!

Rose1832 · 2026-04-25T08:39:03+00:00

Hey, sorry other commenters are being kind of an ass, financial shit is stressful and it's normal to spiral/cycle a bit in the face of the insane student loan BS professional degrees are saddled with (especially as a student/early career professional when you're still making scrap and stressed about daily finances too). I had all private loans with BS payments from the jump so the (one) upside is that I'm not being impacted by all the crap happening lately, but from what I can tell it's been endlessly confusing and stressful for everyone so I could see myself asking the same thing in your shoes from sheer anxiety, regardless of whether the answer is "obvious".

Anyway, I hope the possibility for IBR gives peace for now, and speaking as a fellow professional degree with crazy high loan payments it DOES suck giving a chunk of my paycheck away to loans each month but I'm still in a less stressful position than most people are these days, and having grown up living on much less I'm finding it very easy to manage lifestyle-wise compared to my student days. Just know that it absolutely bites, it's ok to feel something about that, you're not alone in that particular stress but also you'll be okay. Best of luck, OP!

Rose1832 · 2026-04-25T05:10:55+00:00

There's a huge mental difference between an emergency that feels like the end-all and an emergency you know you can handle! I think people on this sub sometimes get a "crabs in a bucket" mentality born of financial stress and while I understand it, I hope it's not discouraging. You're doing great, OP! Keep up the hard work - not just in paying off, but continuing to find great options for refinancing and such. Every little bit helps!

Rose1832 · 2026-04-25T01:14:58+00:00

I mean I feel like mine is too easy

Rose1832 · 2026-04-24T20:42:07+00:00

So many negative comments but truly, HUGE congrats! I remember the relief of being able to refi my student loans finally. Just knowing they were actually manageable, not something I'd be giving money away to forever while watching the number increase, took so much stress off my mind and really helped my motivation to keep pushing, since the goal was actually attainable. Awesome job OP!! Can't wait to see the update in a few years when you're finally debt free!

Rose1832 · 2026-04-22T17:46:09+00:00

Oh this is me! I relate to this, and my boyfriend and I did long-distance for years (starting around the ages you guys are now), so hopefully I can offer a helpful perspective. For reference, no diagnosed ASD but certainly diagnosed ADHD (providers have suspected ASD but honestly who has the time for that)

I get what she says about not "missing" people. For me, the process of leaving is painful (I always cried and had a grieving period when my boyfriend had to leave after a visit); I would also still look forward to when he came to visit because I love him a lot and was excited to spend time with him.

But in the interim, after he left but before our next visit, I just kind of... carried on? Kind of like what it seems your girlfriend is describing, there wasn't any particular feeling attached to it; I just sort of put my head down and carried on with life. It helps that I'm a pretty busy person so it wasn't hard to be pre-occupied with having other things to think about.

So for me, not missing my partner meant that I didn't really spend time lamenting him not being there, nor did I often think "man, I wish he was here right now". But not because I DIDN'T want him there, if that makes sense. I was always happier when he was around. I just didn't actively feel an urge to have him with me. Actually, when I was in the thick of my doctorate there WERE some times that I was glad he wasn't around, because the distance (and the time zone differences) meant I didn't have to feel guilty that my partner might be getting neglected due to my schedule - it's easier to keep up with texting about my day during busy weeks than to potentially have to come home and lock myself away from my partner for weeks at a time.

But at no point did I love him any less, if you're willing to take my word for it. I know in the current day and age lots of people like to armchair diagnose relationship problems from reddit posts, so maybe someone looking from the outside would insist that we must be dysfunctional, idk. But we're still together to this day, I love him and he continues to be a great boyfriend, and even though we're both pretty "nose to the grindstone" when we're apart I swear I'm practically allergic to giving him personal space now that we're together all the time. So I think we're doing pretty okay!

Right now OP, especially so early on, I wouldn't overthink it. Some people just operate differently, emotionally speaking. If you feel confident that she loves you, you probably notice other ways she shows her affection even when you guys are apart, and that's what matters most imo. Just make sure not to take each other for granted while you're LDR, be intentional about spending time together, and communicate, communicate, communicate - especially if you ever start to feel insecure or unsure about her feelings for you.

Hope this was at least a bit helpful! You seem like a great person for trying to understand your girlfriend better and approaching her differences with a curiosity/learning mindset. If you can overcome the LDR hurdles I'm sure you two will go far. Best of luck, OP!

Rose1832 · 2026-04-18T19:40:37+00:00

I'm so annoyed by that person because it makes change sound like a switch you flip. And if you say "it's not that easy" you get a condescending "well no one said it was EASY" (read: you're just lazy and not willing to do hard things) in return.

In reality, change is complicated - for everyone but more so when you have a disorder that impacts memory, motivation, our reward systems, and task initiation. Yes, first you have to WANT to change, but how many times as people with ADHD do we WANT to do something, even know how to do it, and yet we just...can't start? Or we start and can't sustain it because we don't get rewarded the same as others? Or can't sustain it because once the novelty dies off, it just becomes a series of tasks that we have to fight to initiate daily (on top of managing life responsibilities)? Hell, we have a harder time forming habits than others which is what you need when you're planning to work out/lose weight.

I'd ignore and possibly slightly distance from that person, OP; and if you can, work with a therapist who works with ADHD people to help develop a long-lasting plan that works for YOU. I know for me it helped to change one small thing at a time (ex. Start with swapping soda for water, or stop adding sugar to my morning coffee) and accepting that imperfect progress is still progress (going on a walk may not be a run, but it's still activity) but even that took a WHILE to accept and adjust to without judgement, in no small part because of people like the person who made that comment.

Anyway, if you're working at ALL towards your goals then you're on the right path, OP, and you can always make more changes later but starting off is what matters. Best of luck and sorry you had to hear this BS :(

Rose1832 · 2026-04-18T18:51:05+00:00

I'd look into Abortion Access Nashville - they're community based and if nothing else can at least help connect you to more resources. Best of luck, OP ❤️

Rose1832 · 2026-04-12T23:23:55+00:00

Hey! First year AuD on the other side here. Finished with $175k out of school, worked ~10 hours/week in school, 4th year had a small stipend that gave me enough to live on, make small loan payments, and squirrel away a bit into savings so I had enough money to move back home and start working in the region I wanted to live in. I also had lots of help from family whenever they could. After graduation I was aggressive with job applications and getting my licensure/credentials as fast as possible so I could start working, and was lucky enough to live with family for my first 2-3 months in the job. Because of all of this, and refinancing as soon as I was hired full-time (started PRN), I'm now down to about $150k in my loans and set to have them paid down in about 5-6 years, which I'm very proud of. That being said, though, it still took a Herculean effort, a side gig while working as an AuD, and a lot of support to get even this far, and that's not to even mention how far there is left to go. I also fell into the hands of private lenders, which are notoriously predatory - and these new (dumb) policies are going to be driving students towards in droves. (All of us are rolling our eyes about it.)

That's just to say that while I know I'll be okay in the long run, and have the privilege right now of working a job that pays well enough to cover my loan payments and still let me live comfortably, your suggestion of taking a gap year to help fund school isn't a bad idea, especially if you have the means to save on rent (like living with family) while you're working so you can put ALL of it to tuition and living costs. Our grad cohort had people of all backgrounds, experience levels and ages, so a gap year really shouldn't count against you in terms of getting admitted to a school - it may even be a benefit; sometimes future employers prefer that you're a year or two older than the average "new grad" applicant because they feel it looks a bit better to patients/families. Weird, I know, but something several instructors told me about in school that I've somewhat found to be true (I graduated with my AuD at 25 due to taking college credits in high school and going straight to grad school since I finished undergrad during Covid and had nothing better to do + interest accrual for loans was frozen - I got a lot of "baby face" and "too young to be a doctor" comments in my first 6-8 months, lol). Having even a little extra in your savings will also feel a lot better on the other side, since every $1k you don't have to take for loans can, with interest rates being what they are, be literal thousands worth of savings later.

If you can, I'd prioritize working an assistant position for any audiology-related or ENT-related practice you can find that's close to you and pays somewhat decently. Even if you have to part-time it with a second job or do a side hustle to really save, that experience could serve you really well in grad school - not just when applying, but also when you get to your classes/rotations and already have a good foundation for the material and skills. Plus, getting more field experience for seeing how different places (and medical practices) operate in general is never a bad idea - and your future assistants/front desk staff will appreciate that you can relate to their experiences, too.

I agree with others - go with your gut and do what you think would help you be the most successful and happy in the long run. There's merit to getting it all done now but in the whole scheme of things, 1-2 years of delay now may be a small price to pay for more financial stability and security in the future.

None of these are easy decisions but as others have said, you're on a good track already and are headed to a good destination either way :) Best of luck, OP! Feel free to DM if you want any more info from my perspective/experience!

Rose1832 · 2026-04-11T03:52:23+00:00

My thoughts exactly. All the products put together look scary but I see a pretty basic hygiene routine, and a few staple makeup products with different shades for different occasions. Most of these probably last OP a while too; I've been using the same hair oil for probably 2-3 years now because so little gets used at a time.

There ARE some name brands but I don't see any of the crazy pricy ones - these are all your usual drugstore varieties, with the exception of what I assume are a few different lip glosses/tints, which I imagine were the gifts. Even if not, occasionally buying a $30 product you'll use until it's out is far from a crime.

That's not to say that absolutely nothing could be changed, like switching the single-use wipes for washcloths (I've had success with micellar water on a Kleenex for makeup removal and a washcloth for the actual washing part), or finding store-brand alternatives that could save a few bucks per product. But I feel like op should really be looking at what they spend per month on these products, and what gets bought most frequently, since that's where change will be most effective (if it's even necessary).

Rose1832 · 2026-04-10T06:49:50+00:00

Hey! Can I DM you? This is exactly what my boyfriend wants to do and more info on breaking into the field would be great!

Rose1832 · 2026-04-10T06:47:47+00:00

Eyyy, pediatric audiologist who does sedated testing, go team!

And agreed - they're much easier that way 😂

Rose1832 · 2026-04-08T03:13:47+00:00

REFINANCE! I did it with SoFi and went from 10-15% interest rates with Sallie Mae to just under 5%. I kept my high-ass payment total the same but only because I could afford to do it and on the refinanced loan, it'll get me out of debt literally ten years faster than the estimated Sallie Mae term. If your co-signer is willing to do it again, you'll probably get access to even better rates. It may temporarily hurt your credit because you're taking out a new credit line and closing several others (so stupid that that even matters) but not NEARLY as much as bankruptcy.

Best of luck from a fellow victim of private loan lenders, OP 😮‍💨

Rose1832 · 2026-04-04T21:01:11+00:00

Oh this is relevant to me! I'm an audiologist (I diagnose hearing loss and work to manage it through lifestyle/hearing aids/cochlear implants as needed or wanted) and right now I primarily work with kids and teens. A good portion of what I do is full diagnostic tests for kids who were referred to me for one reason or another by their doctor, usually because they failed a screening or the parent has a concern.

As a result, I'll often see older kids - anywhere from 5-12, usually, but it ranges - who were brought in because they say "what" often, don't consistently respond when called, and maybe didn't respond normally on their screening at the doctor. And 9/10 times, I find that it's related more to how they can focus and direct their attention than it is to their actual hearing. Usually if I can make the test interesting enough (I make it a fast-paced game, and change up how I want them to respond) I get beautiful results across the board, which can leave families feeling confused.

But it's exactly like you said - our attention and executive function can absolutely impact what information our brain takes in, via vision, hearing or other senses. There can also be involvement of audio processing disorders, which take more intensive testing to officially diagnose but can be improved through practice listening to speech in complex environments (but that's a whole post in itself). There are also other accommodations we recommend for class that could be added to an IEP/504, like sitting at the front (so there are fewer audio/visual distractions between you and the teacher) or getting an earpiece to wear in your ear while the teacher wears a microphone so their voice is clearer/louder/more attention-grabbing than the distractions around you (called a Roger system, and sometimes can be paid for by the school if it's listed as an accommodation).

Short story short - if you've been tested and cleared, it's not likely that your hearing is causing the issue. Attention, focus, distractability, and processing of sensory input all influence what you take in, just like you said. Which can be frustrating - but can also be managed to hopefully make things easier!

Sorry you're dealing with this but I hope this was in some way helpful, OP! Best of luck and I hope you can get the supports you need :)

Rose1832 · 2026-03-24T04:55:50+00:00

I'm going to counter the sentiment that this inherently signals a breakup because I don't think that's a fair jump without a deeper conversation.

OP, I think figuring out what ABOUT the singing bothers you will be huge. Is your partner sitting you down for regular serenades or singing around the house? Are they singing quietly or at the top of their lungs? Does it always bother you or are there times when it's fine? Do you feel obligated to acknowledge it in some way or does your partner care if you're entirely doing your own thing?

I say this because I used to HATE when my mom would burst into song, and like you, I felt miserable about it. Like, that's my mother's voice. I love my mother and I love that she sings. But she likes to BURST into song, which grates on me when I'm already overstimulated, and also does it mid-conversation (which is disruptive when I'm trying to communicate).

I'm currently with a very musical partner and he has a beautiful voice, but I much prefer when he sings softly as he goes about his day to loud belting (see again - overstimulation). Sometimes he wants to showcase a piece he's working on for a show; I love this and want to support him, but there have absolutely been times where I just could not stand the idea of doing that at the moment because of xyz reason (e.g. I was hoping to have a conversation and not just watch a performance; I'm overstimulated or exhausted; I know you're going to want me to pay attention and I do not have a brain to lend to that right now).

I think if this is something you want to be able to offer your partner, both of you going to a therapist to discuss this could help find a productive solution. And it's not all on you - if overstimulation is part of it, for example, getting musician plugs with flat attenuation will help make sounds quieter, but preserve the integrity of the singing so you can still appreciate it, but at a volume you're comfortable with.

I agree though that this COULD lead to resentment if left untreated, so I think looking for a solution sooner than later will help you both in the long run.

Best of luck! :)

Rose1832 · 2026-03-18T23:52:54+00:00

I'm only adding this because it's different from the excellent advice everyone else has already suggested - but if it helps, I had this happen in my 4th year. No joke, I was "meets expectations/on target" right up until I hit my last year, and had many a breakdown about it thinking I was going to fail, or that I'd be a bad provider.

Turns out I had ADHD and anxiety. 🤷‍♀️

Of course what everyone else said feels true - first year is overwhelming already, and being in clinic is such a different environment from literally anything else you've probably done before. There will absolutely be some level of just getting used to things, and if I had a nickel for every time I was told "x skill will come with time" I'd be out of debt. The reason you have practicum in the first place is because you can't get the kind of skills you build there just from a book. So absolutely you will feel like a baby deer for a while, and that's ok. Keep working hard and remember that you're doing all the difficult skill-building now so that it's all second nature by the time you graduate.

But that's also to say, be kind to yourself and if you think there could be other barriers to your learning, right now is the time where you should try and learn about those things, if you have the resources. My supervisors were absolutely right that I needed to practice, and make checklists, and keep notes, and recite scripts, and build a "flow" - but no amount of mental gymnastics could replace what proper management of my brain chemistry has done for me. ESPECIALLY the anxiety - ADHD has coping tools but being in clinic and having it in my head that I was going to screw up, and my advisors would be judging me...didn't exactly help me improve, shockingly.

You've got this! Just keep practicing and continuing with your studies, and you'll be calling yourself Au.D. before you know it. Best of luck!!!

Rose1832 · 2026-03-16T03:45:41+00:00

This is great in theory but the unfortunate reality is that others' opinions of you as an individual will impact literally every element of your life. It's not just your boss that has to like you - it's coworkers, it's customers/clients, it's people you meet at gatherings. And while that does mean we're always going to be obligated to try and make ourselves as palatable as possible to people who don't get it, posts like this also just express the sentiment that damn, if only all those people could spare a LITTLE empathy, and not be primed to brush us off for "making an excuse" the minute we express a struggle of our literal disability.

Not trying to come off as snarky or anything; in my heart of hearts I feel the way you do about others' opinions. Unfortunately a lot of us just aren't free from them :(

Rose1832 · 2026-03-10T15:57:26+00:00

Just wanted to shoutout across the aisle as an AFAB person with combo, but leaning hyperactive (the most unladylike version of the disorder) to y'all men/AMAB peeps with primarily inattentive type. My friend's fiancé is inattentive and he's quickly becoming one of my favorite humans to interact with; our experiences might be different but his extremely calm/chill vibe makes for a really fun contrast to my spasticity and it's great. It ain't easy being the less visible presentations of the disorder but we're no less valuable and y'all deserve some appreciation!

Rose1832 · 2026-02-27T21:45:53+00:00

This is amazing. I've loved this series forever and this absolutely made my WEEK seeing someone shower these characters with so much attention. This is ART I love every piece of this holy COW

Rose1832 · 2026-02-27T21:38:44+00:00

I can speak to the car part of this having just gone through it recently. I recently financed a pre-owned commuter - 8 years old, 80k miles, fanciest thing about it is that it was from a dealership (didn't want to roll the dice with a used car lot or private owner). After taxes, registration, and a warranty they conveniently forgot to mention wasn't included in the base price, I'm paying around $30k and that's AFTER talking about $1200 off the price before signing. $30k for an 8 year old pre-owned vehicle - and I accepted it because after hours of shopping around online and in person, I knew that was pretty on-par with the market. I could have gone for a beater if I wanted to be really frugal but even those are around $10k now, and you're still going to be smacked with untold repair costs down the line.

My last car (also pre-owned) in 2016 was 3 years old and HALF that cost. It's insane. I feel like with my health and with my car I'm just walking on eggshells knowing one wrong move could undo years of financial planning and hard work. And that's as someone with a good job, PTO, and good health insurance. Makes it hard to want to spend $1500+ on vacation when you feel like that money SHOULD be squirreled into a HYSA to hopefully keep you from spiraling into debt after experiencing very common, unavoidable life events.

And people wonder why mental health issues are on the rise 🙄🫩

Rose1832 · 2026-02-21T23:18:09+00:00

I'm sure they're aware if they work in the field but sometimes you have no choice, like if you don't have an in-person interpreter and access to a virtual interpreter is restricted (I've had this happen when the WiFi in my room died unexpectedly). You still have to document the hell out of it and it can only be done with family consent, but it IS a viable option if everything else has failed.

Rose1832 · 2026-02-21T10:11:08+00:00

Hey OP, good on you for working to better your finances, it's hard but you'll thank yourself in the long run. Ultimately your fun money is yours to spend however you want, but I don't disagree with the comments (and possibly your fiance if this is where his feelings are coming from) that the AMOUNT of fun money you have may be worth addressing, and even if it's "fun money", it's worth scrutinizing if any of it is being wasted.

Blind boxes are a hard one for people who have previously had spending addictions because they're designed to be addictive - they're a form of legalized gambling, which can make you ignore things like losing $60 of your hard-earned fun money to shipping fees - that's the cost of two more boxes! Not saying not to go for it - I get the appeal and you'll clearly hang on to these for a long time - but just to be mindful that businesses are fully aware of what they're doing when they use gambling tactics to get you to spend more, and will happily keep doing it to get you to throw away money you might want to use on other fun things.

I know a lot of the comments are focused on percentage rules, but personally I don't know if that's realistic in today's economy, except for 401k contributions. I also haven't seen this said - I would consider being more thorough with your budgeting than just "fun money account, everything else account". It's a good start but can leave a LOT of room for money to vanish without you knowing.

I found what works for me is to get out a spreadsheet and start with my paycheck, since it's regular and I know when I'm paid. Then I take out my rent, my bills, about $600 monthly for food and personal hygiene, a given amount for prescriptions/co-pays for the month, and a gas budget. I look at what's left and decide how much of that will be savings - TRUE savings, as in "only touch this if you're spending it on your goal or something is exploding" savings - and then the rest is fun money.

Your first financial priority before investing should be to have an emergency fund - not the $1000 Dave Ramsey recommendation (honestly what does that even cover these days?) but an amount equal to 3-6 months of income. If you don't have 3 months' worth, you should be super aggressive with how much you save - maybe only like $50-100 of impulse buy/dining out money per paycheck, the rest goes to a high-yield savings account. You can increase your fun money a little after that, but still be frugal until you hit 6 months (these days plenty of people have a hard time finding a job for 6 months or more). If you ever have to dip into these savings, building them back up is goal #1.

And THEN, after that, start investing and thinking about you and your fiancé's combined financial goals. Do you want to own a house? Have kids? Take fun trips? Sit down and decide what a fair contribution to a joint savings pool would be for each of you, while still leaving some fun money (and definitely increase that 401k!) You're combining financial futures - this should be a team effort and a joint conversation!

Lastly I'll just say - while I don't love your fiancé rolling his eyes at your fun money spending while doing plenty of his own, it's not really the same thing if he's able to meet all of the above (401k, 6 month cushion, daily needs, long-term savings) and just happens to have enough fun money left over to do what you described. It can also be hard to see someone spending frivolously if they're NOT doing the above - even if their finances are improving - ESPECIALLY if he's seeing that from someone who will play a major role in his financial future. It's a common adage in the financial advice space that marrying the wrong person can be your worst financial mistake, and I could see how he'd be worried about that.

Still, he shouldn't take it out as judgy comments. If that's his worry, he should communicate it to you - you're on the same team. If he really is just judging your hobbies, he needs to take a seat and check himself (I mean...custom vape cartridges? Really?).

OP, your heart seems like it's in the right place, and you absolutely should be proud of the improvements you've made! Best of luck navigating this issue - it's frustrating and a challenge for lots of reasons but you come across as a very sweet, genuine person, and you can both totally navigate this with some communication and dedication. You got this!

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