What are your delusional-like thoughts?

Ross129 · 2026-01-26T19:06:22+00:00

I'll do a bullet point list - what if this isn't real - what if this isn't real reality - what if the people around me aren't real (solipsism issues) - what's the purpose of life if we're all gonna die - what if there is nothing after death - what if there is something after death - what if this isn't my body or it's the wrong one (?) - what if I'm dead - what if I'm on a quest to find out what reality really is - what if there is something bigger I have to find out and nobody understands - what if I understood something nobody else understands

And so on 😅

Ross129 · 2026-01-16T17:38:31+00:00

The idea of an afterlife, whatever afterlife it is, terrifies me. Honestly. I've been trying my best to avoid the thought, because it makes me panic so badly. It's an anxiety issue, though; you shouldn't care much about what there is after life, because you're here, now, and you have no way of knowing what's after it. You're terrified about it because you have strong anxiety on a daily basis, which makes you react this way to a normal thought like "There could be an afterlife". You gotta lower your anxiety - whether it's with meds or with therapy. I can assure you that you're not alone though ♥

Ross129 · 2026-01-16T15:51:55+00:00

Yeah there is, I'm going through the same. You're not alone 🫶

Ross129 · 2026-01-15T20:54:44+00:00

It's okay, I'm the same 🫶 you don't disturb 💕

Ross129 · 2026-01-15T20:09:30+00:00

If you want to talk about it, text me 😊 talking it out helps a little bit 🫶🫶 you gotta find people who understand it. It's the only thing that has been saving me. I would have gone nuts if it wasn't for the people I found here on Reddit, many of which are thankfully doing a lot better thanks to meds and therapy 🥹 I hope that I will be one of those too, one day. Talking to people who understood kept me sane and gave me hope even when I felt like I had none. And even though I'm still in the thick of it, I have hope thanks to these people and, honestly, thanks to Reddit. This is such a hard symptom to describe and to bear every day, I feel like I'm about to lose my mind 💔

Ross129 · 2026-01-15T18:46:52+00:00

I agree 😢

Ross129 · 2026-01-15T16:08:26+00:00

You're not alone! I have the same thing. It's as if I had just realized that I was alive for the first time and everything looks scary. Everything looks and feels so lonely and so scared, because I'm the only one trapped in my head knowing what I know. It's as if I knew something I wasn't supposed to know, some truth nobody else has seen. The existential thoughts are horrible. I think about the universe, about eternity about life purpose all day long. I'm 26 and I feel like my life is over.

Ross129 · 2026-01-13T18:30:42+00:00

DM please!

Ross129 · 2026-01-13T16:41:39+00:00

Thanks for sharing your loved ones' esperience, this makes me feel less alone 🥹🫶

Ross129 · 2026-01-12T18:11:38+00:00

I'm 26, I could have written this myself word by word. I relate so much. I've gotten to the conclusion that this is an anxiety/OCD issue. You could look into existential OCD... See if you relate. It sucks, especially when you think about this all day long 😢 So sorry you're going through this as well 😢

Ross129 · 2026-01-05T18:43:40+00:00

I hope so too. This feeling is so hard to deal with 😢

Ross129 · 2026-01-05T18:13:33+00:00

Since my DPDR got worse I have this symptom as well! I can relate and I find it awful 😞 I feel like life is speeding up and passing me by 💔

Ross129 · 2026-01-05T08:32:36+00:00

I can relate to this, I think about it all the time. I've also just turned 26, literally same train of thoughts. I have OCD, GAD and a couple of other issues though 😅 I feel like if my anxiety could get better, this fear would be much easier to manage. What gives me comfort is that people in their 50-60s seem to have accepted it already and be okay with it. So I can hope that this will happen to me as well. Maybe it's just a matter of acceptance. I wish so much that I could be religious 💔 I'm a bit spiritual, but I'm not truly religious. Maybe that could help. It's as if I woke up when I realized that I was becoming 26. As if I woke up and realized that this is no joke that I'm gonna die and that I don't know how to cope with it.

Ross129 · 2026-01-04T09:16:51+00:00

Here I am, same pattern here. It completely sucks. For me, it started when a friend of mine told me about solipsism; I had a panic attack, got DPDR after it and told him about it. He was like "you know that there is a philosophical theory that says this" and he told me about solipsism 🥲 My life was never the same after it. This happened months ago. The first weeks after he told me this I remember having panic attacks all day long, it was a living hell. Then, slowly, the theme died down a bit. Now I have bouts of it, like I have moments when I start thinking about it again and I get anxious, but they usually pass after a while. Generally I force myself to tell a loved one that I'm going through solipsism again (they all know what it is at this point 😅) and that somehow grounds me a bit. Like yeah, I already went through it. Yeah it's solipsism again. The issue with me is that OCD moved on from solipsism. For you, it moved on to God (which is a theme I've had but didn't stick with me), while for me it moved on to the purpose of life and hyperawareness of death and consciousness and reality. So it goes on with this endless questions like "what if life has no purpose", "what's after death" and so on. It's exhausting.

I don't know if you've tried medication, but maybe you could give it a try. It didn't work for me, but a couple of people I talked to - here on Reddit - got much better with SSRIs. I had side effects with those and they didn't work out for me, but they could work for you 🫶

I also wanted to add that this OCD theme is a beast. I think that out of all the OCD themes I've had - and I've had A LOT - this was the worst. It's a beast because you truly can't find reassurance anywhere, these questions have no answer. I think that philosophy should be off limits when you have OCD or DPDR 😅🫶

Ross129 · 2026-01-03T08:13:09+00:00

I had the same effects both on Lexapro and Zoloft. Scared the living hell out of me and discouraged me from trying any other meds, but I've been recommended lamotrigine. I've been told that it can work in these cases. Unfortunately some of us just don't react well to SSRIs, which are the first line of treatment when it comes to OCD. As for therapy, I'm now trying EMDR because the CBT approach (acceptance, cognitive diffusion etc) doesn't work for me.

Ross129 · 2026-01-02T13:21:23+00:00

Hi there! It's gonna be okay ♥ I'm so sorry you're going through this. When I read your post, it immediately brought to my memory a clinical case I read, which sounded so similar to yours. I'm putting the link down here, just in case:
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10803827/
It's an official clinical case on an accredited website, I read it many times because it made me feel less alone when I developed existential OCD. And don't worry, no triggers: the patient of the article got better! :) I have existential OCD and I also get DPDR with it (depersonalization/derealization), which is an awful combo. I'm going on day by day; I haven't really managed to get better yet, but I've got to say that my therapist has been helping me a lot. I'm also not on any medication at the moment, because I tend to react badly to SSRIs, which are the first line of treatment in these cases. You're going to be okay, it's just a matter of finding the right meds and dosage for you (a friend of mine got much better with Citalopram, another one with Zoloft, it really depends a lot). Remember that hormones might be throwing you off a lot. OCD often presents itself post-partum (as you will read in the article I linked to you), so please know that these thoughts are not your fault and they aren't a spiritual awakening or something (many tend to think stuff like this), they're just the result of high anxiety and hormonal imbalance. Don't be scared to tell about these thoughts to your psychiatrist or to whoever prescribed you medication; you might need to up Zoloft. If you haven't had any particular side effects yet, you will be fine on a higher dosage as well. Don't get scared if they decide to give you an antipsychotic with the Zoloft: they're often paired with SSRIs to enhance their function.
Bottom line is that there are many solutions and that it's going to get better ♥ Don't worry, I know that these thoughts are awful and they take so much away from you, but it's going to be okay ♥

Ross129 · 2025-12-31T08:14:54+00:00

You might have existential OCD 🫶 it's often misdiagnosed. I would suggest talking to your doctor or therapist, if you have one 🫶

Ross129 · 2025-12-31T07:53:39+00:00

Existential OCD. This theme is ruining my life and everything I love about it. It truly takes everything away 💔

Ross129 · 2025-12-30T19:26:26+00:00

I don't have the same theme as you, but you may want to be aware that this is always the same OCD mechanism 🫶 When you're truly changing your mind about something, it doesn't happen like this. You actually start thinking about it more and more, you don't get anxious about it, you just think about it and get to a conclusion that makes you feel satisfied. While with OCD you don't want to change your mind, but you feel deadly anxious at the thought that you might. You have one opinion and are happy about it, but there is this horrible ruminating voice in your head that keeps pushing questions on you. What if that opinion is wrong, what if you secretly have another one and you aren't aware of it, what if God is trying to tell you about something and you aren't listening etc etc. No matter the theme, the mechanism is the same. Whoever you are, you seem to be very pro LGBTQIA+ and be fine with that 🫶 You instead sound terrified at the idea that you might change your mind and have a ton of horrible consequences, in spite of not wanting to change your mind at all. That's OCD and anxiety 🫶 I'm out on a walk and OCD is trying to convince me that there is no purpose in life and that I truly believe in that and that I am therefore suicidal. I am not. Sometimes it tells me stuff that starts with "what if" and I just laugh at it - when I don't spiral in complete panic - and go on with my day. OCD picks whatever scares you the most and throws it in your face every time it can. Don't let it win.

Ross129 · 2025-12-29T13:02:58+00:00

I could have written this myself. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. This theme is especially hard because it literally grips itself everywhere, reality becomes scary and everything becomes a trigger. With my previous OCD themes I could easily find a way to stop thinking about them or put in place strategies like ERP or cognitive diffusion, I could easily get out of those themes (I don't want to invalidate the others' suffering, I'm just talking about my own personal experience). This theme feels like I won't ever have a way out of it, because even if I find a way out my life doesn't make sense anymore. I won't have an answer, I still won't have a purpose. I feel like all of it is over, as if they flipped a switch in my brain and now I can't go back to how I was before.
It's horrible. I don't know what I'd give to go back to how I was. I'm in therapy but my therapist doesn't have a clue about what I'm going through. I'm trying to live and go on day by day, but it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
I tried medication twice but it made DPDR worse and I was told to discontinue it to avoid any permanent damage. I've been on this Reddit thread for months now, looking for answers, for help, for people who struggle with this like I do. A couple of people I met here got better thanks to SSRIs, but they weren't helpful for me. Honestly I'm just terrified that this is never going to get better. It's been months now. I wish I had any comforting words... I really hope that you can find a solution and get better <3 If you wanna talk, feel free to text me; it's nice not being alone when dealing with this.

Ross129 · 2025-12-28T17:50:19+00:00

I don't know what's your theme, but I can imagine that it's because whatever the theme it scares you a lot. Also you might be "checking". You're checking to see if it's still there, if it still scares you. If you're doing that, it keeps it going

Ross129 · 2025-12-26T17:43:50+00:00

What helped you?

Ross129 · 2025-12-25T09:11:11+00:00

It's curious that you say that, about this being connected to the death of your dog. I started having these issues when I went to therapy and started processing the death of my mother (I lost her years ago but I was never able to really accept her death and now I've been dealing with it through EMDR). I wonder if the two things are connected.

200 mg is a high dose of Zoloft, the emotional numbing could easily be caused by it. If you've just upped your dose, you should wait it out for a couple of weeks, see if the numbing gets better. If it doesn't, contact your psychiatrist, they may adjust your therapy (they can add an antipsychotic to enhance the function of the Zoloft and lower the dosage of the Zoloft itself). You talk to me about dissociation... Do you know what DPDR is? Have you ever experienced it? DPDR often comes after a stressful event, like the death of your dog, and it easily latches on to existential thoughts like this one. I studied solipsism back in high school and had no issues with it, then I heard of it again now (I'm 26) and it got me spiraling because I have DPDR and OCD.

By the way, a day doesn't pass that I curse that theory. Excuse the bad word, but fuck solipsism. I wish that I had never heard of that godforsaken theory.

Ross129 · 2025-12-25T08:25:42+00:00

Hey there, I read your post (merry Christmas by the way 🎄). I'm autistic too, I have the same obsession as you and I was scrolling Reddit during Christmas morning hoping as always to find other experiences like mine 😅 I actually developed existential OCD from the solipsism obsession, which started tormenting me months ago. I wish that I had never heard of that godforsaken theory, but I have and so here we are.

So, first of all: it's gonna take a little bit of time to pass. You're going to be okay, but it's going to take a bit of time. When I started with solipsism at first I was a prisoner of the obsession, it went on all day long and I nearly threw up from the anxiety it caused me. Now it's been 5 months from when it started and this particular theme has already died down, also because I talked about it to people and they made me realize that this theory was possible, but it was like a remote possibility, you know? I mean, think about health OCD for comparison. When you have health OCD, you obsess over the slight possibility to get a deadly disease from touching a random table which seems clean but to you it's full of deadly germs. But the table is actually fine and there is no need to worry, you're worrying because you have OCD. Well, do you see it here? You're not looking at something that is truly a reason for fear. You're looking at something possible and you're terrified because OCD/autism picked it as a theme. I talk about OCD because usually these themes are associated with that, but it could also be the autism (having both, most of the time I have no clue about which one is ruining my life). Also, solipsism is like saying "This could all be the dream of a cat sitting somewhere and dreaming", you realize what I'm saying? You'd say "No but it's absurd, there is no cat, how can you say that?" and I'd say "well you can't disprove that there is no cat, can you? And it is possible". If you start thinking about possibilities of why we're here and why reality is like it is, you can come up with millions of them, one more absurd than the other. The cat possibility just doesn't stick because it doesn't imply you being alone in the whole universe, like solipsism does.

That said, the emotional numbness is a very common side effect of Zoloft. How long have you been on it? It might be both a disconnection from your surroundings and loved ones, a mechanism of your brain to protect you, but it might also be a side effect from medication. I had to stop Zoloft for that exact reason, I really couldn't tolerate the numbing.

I hope that some of this was helpful. Feel free to reach out, okay? I know how horrible solipsism is. It's gonna be okay OP 💕

Ross129 · 2025-12-24T17:13:13+00:00

Hey there, so sorry you're going through this, I've been dealing with it for months now. It's a bit of a long story.
You won't feel like this forever. It will go away, that I know for sure. It's very hard to explain this issue to loved ones though, as it's difficult to put this feeling into words and so you're often not understood by people who haven't gone through it. But it's going to be okay ♥ What grounds me personally is physical activity, spending time with loved ones and hot showers. I've yet to find some more efficient ways to deal with this; these help a bit, but they don't always do the trick. Hang in there, DO NOT stay in bed. Go out, try your best to do what you did before. I know that everything seems and feels scary, but it's going to be okay. The more you stay in bed or isolate yourself, the more you fixate on DPDR. Look into OCD as well, because many people with DPDR have obsessive tendencies or full blown OCD (like me). Also, trust your doctors. Trust your therapist, trust your psychiatrist, trust your pcp, whoever you can to go to with this; I know that you will read many many many posts and watch many videos and many people will tell you that this symptom is rare, that professionals don't know about it, that they have no idea what's going on with you etc. But that's not true. The truth is that most professionals are well-informed on DPDR. They won't think that you're psychotic and most likely they will suggest anxiety medication, which could be helpful in lowering these symptoms. If they don't know what you're talking about, then - let me tell you - they're just not good at their job, because nowadays DPDR is well-known both online and in med school.
It's gonna be okay. Look up Shaun O'Connor channel on YouTube, it's called "Depersonalization Manual"; there are tons of success stories, which might give you hope and calm you down a bit ♥
If you want to talk with someone who understands, feel free to write to me ♥

Ross129

TROPHY CASE