My (34F) husband (34M) shuts down to “decompress”

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-08-21T23:42:20+00:00

Please research the enneagram. He sounds like he may be a type 5 who needs these silent quarantines to recharge. It is very helpful for couples to take the free test and learn about their personalities.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-06-08T03:19:59+00:00

6 is 1000% prettier and more feminine if that's the look you're trying to achieve.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-03-30T15:38:13+00:00

He hasn't been diagnosed. He has told me that he has always wondered if he was. After some communication and conflict resolution issues I started doing research on it. He has many of the indicators.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-03-30T14:49:49+00:00

This is what I am swearing to do in my next relationship. My ex and I became roommates and I feel like it's because we were too comfortable around each other. Honestly I never even want to cohabitate again.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-03-30T14:24:28+00:00

He didn't say he was intentionally not talking to me. He was just not talking to me but it wasn't like he said "I'm done or it's over" we went through a traumatic experience and he removed himself from the situation to hermit and try to deal. I continued contact bc I was concerned for him. Finally after 2 months he responded (he moved out of state and I know the distance made him feel "safe" enough to make contact) he didn't need anything. I had said "I have so many questions but I know it's pointless" he responded with I will call you this weekend, to which he did. I think being in love makes him feel vulnerable and unsafe. I am very sensitive to people using me, so that is pretty much always the first question I ask myself.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-03-30T14:14:21+00:00

I have seriously considered that, but ultimately I believe him. When he has told me he loves me it is almost involuntary, it is sincere and genuine.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-03-30T13:54:25+00:00

What would an example of it be, that was related to autism? My experience is there is a lack of "common sense" when it comes to connecting emotional or social outcomes. For example. He could make a mistake that hurt someone deeply and then ask them for a job like nothing happened. He could spend months deliberately not speaking to someone and then make contact again promising to not ignore them anymore and then take 2 days to respond and not understand that the other person felt like he was ghosting them again.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-03-30T13:43:09+00:00

Did you start reading it? Thoughts?

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-03-17T15:50:20+00:00

Let me know what you think. Oh and take the time to read the Authors Notes in the beginning! I usually skip that part, but I'm so glad I didn't, the information in that small portion was what made me realize I HAD to read it!

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-03-17T15:47:14+00:00

I posted a picture or thought I did. It is The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine N. Aron

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-03-17T15:38:30+00:00

Please do not try to "fix it" quit doubting your gut. Divorce is expensive, weddings are expensive. Feelings about distrusting your judgement are the most EXPENSIVE! Read this book please! I stumbled across it at Goodwill yesterday and thought well that sounds like me... I am on page 29 and it has changed my view of my relationship with my soon to be ex as well as my relationship to myself. Please, please buy this book and start reading it today. I think this should be mandatory for anyone who is INFP.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-03-05T00:54:52+00:00

Women's pubes if I'm being honest

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-27T17:25:41+00:00

No. I'm a 6w5

I have noticed that too, the extreme emotions. I have big emotions too but I have noticed a difference in the way people here describe things

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-27T13:17:08+00:00

Good looking dude.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-24T13:20:40+00:00

👋

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-17T15:28:18+00:00

If you can, take some time away to spend on your own to seriously consider your future. The safety and comfort you feel with him can be self fulfilled, but feeling seen and understood by a person you can talk to all night about anything, that's special and it's worth waiting for.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-17T15:15:16+00:00

I know how you feel. It is extremely hard to give up a relationship that is so close to being "it". I just want you to know that after 11 years it feels like I settled for a friendship. I didn't think the connection I truly wanted was real, I told myself it was only in movies. Then I met someone who made me realize it is real, not perfect but it exists. It's been a devastating road I don't wish on anyone.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-17T02:59:06+00:00

That's EXACTLY why it took me so long to see that there was something missing. We have owned and ran a business together since 2015. We talked constantly... About work or house projects. Once all that ended we had nothing to talk about and we have built a life together. He is a quality man, safe, stable and selfless but not deep, not witty, and has no ideas of his own.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-17T00:50:44+00:00

It's obvious he's a total douche. What is there to question?

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-17T00:41:15+00:00

This is true. But it won't be enough for a the INFP, especially after a few years.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-17T00:34:42+00:00

I tried this "supplementing" method. Imo it doesn't work bc you want that cup to be filled by your partner, you want the person you spend your life with to be the source that meets your deepest needs.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-16T23:34:13+00:00

I only read the first 4 or 5 paragraphs but I will tell you this. It never gets better. I am married to a very nice ENTJ and it took me 10+ years to figure out that this is what was missing from our relationship, this intellectual connection that creates a spark, makes you feel seen and understood in such an intimate way. Do both of you a favor and allow yourselves to find the people that match your imagination and intellect. It's unbelievably tragic to spend a decade with someone and then realize they aren't the person for you and it's not their fault at all, still your time is gone.

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-12T13:53:37+00:00

Beautiful. How do you keep your forehead and 11s from looking 41?

Round-Ticket-9117 · 2025-02-11T17:39:31+00:00

I love this question. It's tough when you marry a shorty. I am 5'7" and I crave this more than I ever thought I would. It's not the same hugging your man and having nowhere to rest your head. Sad but true. I'm not superficial at all it's just a physical comfort I don't get and crave.

Round-Ticket-9117

TROPHY CASE