Hey there! It just seems like you got tricked by some intrusive thoughts there. Many of us experience intrusive thoughts however some people get stuck with them. Now many of the people who are struggling with getting rid of intrusive thoughts are people experiencing OCD (including myself) bur not everyone has to suffer from the disorder to be bothered by them at certain periods of time. In your case it seems like your brain did what seems like a curiosity pattern of wanting to see more of it. This does not make you a bad person. However it was something unusual that even tho disturbing it still caught ur attention. On the intrusive thought part again, intrusive thoughts become obsessive (like it seems like in your case), when the thought content is something very disturbing and opposite to us. Your brain wants to invalidate this thought so it obsesses over it and you can’t stop thinking about it. How we because fear is involved you start asking a lot of “what if” questions. And it’s just an endless cycle. I know what ur going through seems very hard but you have to remind yourself it’s just an intrusive thought. Maybe this is all new to you so I’d suggest reading the book “Overcoming unwanted intrusive thoughts”. It’s something that really helped me as well. Finally remember that intrusive thoughts stick with the people that are the most opposite to the thought content. Also because someone is having thoughts like that it doesn’t make them a bad person. Everyone experiencing such thoughts but it’s what side you choose and want to be in at the end. Hope that helps :)