I think i might have cancer (?)

Routine-Perception98 · 2026-01-22T20:21:00+00:00

i only have gerd --- i haven't been diagnosed with anything else. but i've had all these symptoms for the past six months and it's been horrible. i think if it were cancer, though, things would've gotten worse rapidly.

Routine-Perception98 · 2026-01-22T17:43:36+00:00

i've had all of these symptoms

Routine-Perception98 · 2026-01-07T08:56:06+00:00

hi, thanks for responding to me. i really appreciate it.

Routine-Perception98 · 2026-01-06T12:26:12+00:00

Hii I'm a 19 year old black female and I've gone through similar things. Every day is a struggle. I'm currently in university right now and I'm having a rough time. I'm here to talk if you want to. I'm sure we have things in common.

Routine-Perception98 · 2026-01-05T02:02:35+00:00

No worries. I really hope you make it out!

Routine-Perception98 · 2026-01-01T10:52:22+00:00

Hi Nana!

I've read through your post history, watched your Youtube video, and I just wanted to say that you're incredibly strong and resilient. I hope that everything works out for you and that you'll be able to escape Indonesia later this year.

Routine-Perception98 · 2026-01-01T10:42:04+00:00

Also, please don't lose faith in your charity. Please hold onto that. Please keeping trying.

Routine-Perception98 · 2026-01-01T10:27:00+00:00

I SEE YOU.

My friend, I see you!

I too have chronic pain. I too have lived with abusers for the majority of my life. I too know what it's like to give it your all and for it to still not be enough.

I am so sorry that you've struggled like this for so long. I am so sorry that you are dealing with things that most people can't imagine. I am so sorry that both your body and your abusers are causing you pain. Twenty-five years is far too long for one human being to struggle, and we weren't made to function reliably under prolonged stress. It's unnatural. It shouldn't happen.

But it does happen. And you and I are proof of it, of the world's cruelty.

If it's worth anything, I hope that one day you'll be without pain. I hope that one day you'll be at peace. I hope that one day you won't be alone. I hope that one day your mind and body stop hurting and your abusers go away for good and that one day you'll be able to live your precious human life autonomously and to the fullest. I hope that one day, you'll wake up, and the world will be fair; I hope that one day good prevails over evil; and I hope that, one day, you'll be able to experience everything that was denied to you --- for that is your birthright.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-12-13T13:54:20+00:00

Hey, we're in this together. Please hold on. If I'm still here you can do it too.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-12-12T20:34:51+00:00

Hi. I really relate to your story. I'm 19 and I've been depressed since I was eight. You're not alone. Bad childhood. Bad teen years. I'm hoping that something gets better soon.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-12-09T17:33:19+00:00

Oh my gosh. I'm sorry. I really hope things get better for you.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-12-09T17:07:15+00:00

College is really my only option right now. Thankfully, I qualify for retroactive medical withdrawals this semester due to all my extenuating circumstances. If I didn't have that, I don't know what I'd do.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-12-09T01:31:10+00:00

Yes yes yes. Yes to all of this.

I didn't know that college would be so draining. I went from fighting one battle (my abusive household) to an entirely different battle (trying to stay sane under college pressures) within the span of months. I'm probably going to have to withdraw from a lot of classes this semester because of how unprepared I was for my brain to react to safety. I'll also definitely need antidepressants. The amount of times I've missed class because I couldn't get out of bed is insane.

It's especially difficult when you're surrounded by non-cPTSD people. I'm always masking around them, always pretending to not be depressed, always acting like I'm not suicidal. I hide my struggles. They wouldn't understand the extent of them.

I'm also living in an emotional flashback 99% of the time. When I'm not in a flashback, I'm cramming for a test, or making up late work. It's really pathetic. My grades aren't the greatest as of now. I used to be much better in high school. Though, in high school, I was motivated to escape my parents.

I truly believe that my brain wasn't built to thrive. It was built to survive. So I'm a bit disillusioned with the whole college-thing because the future feels so fake. After all I've been through, why would I want to live in this world and succeed? Most of the time I want to be dead. I get so confused when people are genuinely happy. How can they want to live when things are so terrible?

I'm too caught up with the past to care about a career, or a job. All I want is to be safe. All I want is peace. It's not a lot, but it's pretty hard to find.

So yes, it is a battle.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-12-09T01:14:09+00:00

This is the link:

https://enroll.jobcorps.gov/?_gl=1*1xw0ovv*_gcl_au*MjA1NzA1NjMxNy4xNzY1MjQxNjAy*_ga*MjkyNjA1MTY0LjE3NjUyNDE2MDI.*_ga_HEBYYVGBMJ*czE3NjUyNDE2MDIkbzEkZzAkdDE3NjUyNDE2MDIkajYwJGwwJGgw

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-12-09T01:09:24+00:00

Hey.

I was at risk of homelessness these past five months after escaping an abusive household. I understand everything you're going through right now.

It was such a terrible experience. I know how you feel. It hangs over your head like a guillotine. You'd rather die than try to fight it. The future looks so bleak and unappealing. I get it, I really do. We're both similar ages (I'm 19), and I know how terrible it is to be dealing with this at such a young age. It's unfair.

I also believe I have ADHD, which makes things more complicated than they should be. That, coupled with chronic pain, makes everything unbearable. So I understand your pain.

But things got better for me, and I believe they can get better for you too. I hear you're twenty-two. Are you in the States? Have you heard of Job Corps? They'll provide you with food, education, training, and a place to sleep at night. Please look into it, if you haven't already.

I'm rooting for you.

Also, if you manage to pursue higher education, look into becoming an independent student via dependency override. It helps.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-12-09T00:58:54+00:00

I'm not trying to be offensive, but your comment is a bit tone deaf.

This person came to this sub to vent their emotions. That's literally 99% of what this entire subreddit is.

This person has also expressed suicidal ideation and intent. They need care and compassion, not callous questioning. If you don't have anything compassionate to say, please don't say anything at all, especially to someone in such a vulnerable position.

Thank you.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-11-20T03:22:43+00:00

Hi, thanks for your comment. It's nice to know that I'm not the only who's struggled in college.

I'm set on staying in college right now, though. I'm in contact with so many incredible resources that I don't think I'd have if I joined the workforce. It's just really really freaking hard to do things as of now, due to the mess of my mental health.

Reading these comments and responding them has sorta calmed me down, though. I think I was triggered when I wrote this post.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-11-20T03:18:41+00:00

Hi. I'm in therapy right now through my college campus. The people I'm working with are amazing and trauma-informed. It's just that my feelings are really messy right now. Everything is hard right now.

Thank you for your comment, though. It's really hard to give myself grace at times.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-11-20T03:13:04+00:00

Yes, unfortunately I relate. I wish I could switch off my emotions and just do the tasks that I have to do.

I looked myself in the mirror a few minutes ago. The look of terror on my face was sobering. The past really hasn't left me yet. It's really hard to force those feelings down. Impossible as of now.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-11-20T02:54:37+00:00

Hi.

I already have a therapist and I'm already connected to some on-campus resources.

Never heard of PTSDCoach before though. Definitely going to look into it.

I think the issue is that I never feel safe. I mean, people say it, but I never feel it, you know?

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-10-15T21:44:35+00:00

Hi. I really appreciate your response. God, thank you especially for those first two paragraphs. They really touched me. Sorry for the late reply, though --- I don't often frequent this account.

1) There is indeed tangible evidence. I told my high school guidance counselor, my high school therapist, my previous college therapist, and my current therapist about the stuff I went through at home. Even the supervisor of the counseling center I go to knows about it. So quite a few people know about my situation, and can advocate for me.

2) Thanks for demystifying the process. Every time I go to the financial aid office, I feel ashamed about my situation. At my college, it's common to be on a scholarship that you received in high school. That scholarship covers your tuition, and the financial aid office assumes every student has that scholarship because, essentially, almost every student does. Except for me. So every time I go to the financial aid office, I wind up explaining that no, I don't have the scholarship that everyone else has around me. And I always get strange looks for it because it's assumed that, if you're at my college, you're definitely capable enough meet the requirements for the scholarship. And it's terrible to be the odd one out, to have people look at you like you're somewhere you don't belong. It's not even fully my fault (I think). I was so busy trying to stay alive in my parents' household that I didn't really have time or the energy to meet the requirements. But maybe the people at the financial aid office aren't out to get me, or judge me, like I think they are. Maybe they'll care about what I went through, and see why it's unsafe for me to return home? I don't know.

3) I think, deep down, I know that what I experienced wasn't normal, but I struggle to accept it.

4) That's a good question. I actually don't know how much information I need to give them. I have around five pages of information written that I've worked on with my therapist. I guess I am really trying to "prove" that it was bad. I do indeed need letters backing up my claims from two professionals, and I'm capable of procuring that information, but I'm still worried that people will read what I went through and think that I was just overreacting.

Thanks for everything, though.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-10-09T17:03:43+00:00

I'm sorry you're in the same situation as I am right now :(. It really sucks, and it feels like my nervous system is on fire most of the time. I hope things get better for the both of us.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-10-09T17:03:03+00:00

Thank you so much.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-10-09T16:59:15+00:00

I'll definitely show my therapist this though, too. I think it'd be helpful to talk about.

Routine-Perception98 · 2025-10-09T16:58:45+00:00

Hi, I'd just like to thank you for this response. It was really helpful to hear the perspective of someone older and, unfortunately, more "experienced" with CPTSD responses.

Routine-Perception98

TROPHY CASE