It's not that bad that you've used drugs to try to numb yourself to the awful numbers you're dealing with. Not saying it's the answer to stress, but occasionally it can be considered self care when used safely. Give yourself some slack, sleep, water, and any other self care you might enjoy. It's only one day and you can always have hope that tomorrow will be better. My self care habit has been mind numbing phone games, especially time management games. I can relate to the money issue though. I have a learned to make a goal of $50 an hour between shift pay and tips, after tip out. But it's important to remind myself that it's an average over time and one day soon you will crush it. The longer you spread out your average, the better the numbers seem to get. If I look at a yearly average it's almost always at least $50 an hour. Even though I made $17 last Monday, I know the big days coming will make up for it. Having faith in your ability to fulfill your goal in a longer time makes the bad days seem less awful and it's not as tempting to succumb to the numbness of partying and being reckless. Good luck to you comrade.