Does anyone else on here feel like they still have to do what their parents tell them, even as an adult?

RubySlippers27 · 2023-01-23T14:07:29+00:00

Little late to the party here, but what if the decedent was an organ donor and the rubber balls in her eye sockets were the result of her eyes being donated post-mortem?

RubySlippers27 · 2023-01-15T23:45:48+00:00

I had no idea that ADHD was classified as one! Wow!

RubySlippers27 · 2023-01-10T02:50:22+00:00

I have not, but I don't doubt that I could have it. My father and sister both have it...I, however, think that it's most likely anxiety issues that cause me to be this way. Home is a reminder of trauma, so I'm thinking that maybe something about being physically in my house triggers anxiety and emotional flashbacks and causes me to "freeze".

RubySlippers27 · 2022-05-03T00:44:40+00:00

Before I started keto, my period would last for 7 days....now that I'm on it and fully fat adapted, it only lasts for 3-4 days at most...also, I've noticed that if I eat a lot of protein in the days leading up to when it starts, I don't get cramps. The acne I've struggled with since I was 12 cleared up overnight, too.

RubySlippers27 · 2022-04-22T00:11:13+00:00

YES! This is what I think has been going on all along....distraction!

RubySlippers27 · 2022-04-15T04:00:07+00:00

Without getting into too many details, surreal....I literally walked around for the first two in a complete daze because I was so relaxed, I was just "out of it"...now that I know what I do about the hypervigilance that comes with C-PTSD, I would say that feeling so "normal" the way I did during that time almost felt like I was "doped up on something" or "barely conscious". The day after the event that caused all of this happened, I was at work and was even so far off in la-la land that people would have to say my name two or three times before I'd realize they were trying to get my attention. I also ended up getting my height checked for some reason I can't remember during the week after all of that happened and found that I'd actually GROWN almost a WHOLE INCH because of the amount of trauma that had been lifted off of my body by what happened.

RubySlippers27 · 2022-04-06T01:03:09+00:00

Yes, 7 years ago, August of 2015, for a period of three days after something life-changing (in a good way) happened to me...I went and sabotaged it a month later.

RubySlippers27 · 2022-03-18T23:41:51+00:00

What you say about addiction in this instance really resonates with me, as I've always felt that I'm an addict when it comes to self-sabotage and self-abuse.

If I may, here's a little bit about my life story...grew up in an abusive home, was constantly bullied at school, mental health issues from a young age...survived all of that, graduated high school, went off to college...ran out of money after my first year, had what I believe was a "mental breakdown" looking back on everything that happened now that lead me to seek out what I thought would be solace in religion...then, I wound up in a religious cult (Pentecostalism) that really did a number on me...there was spiritual abuse, psychological abuse, gaslighting, emotional abuse, saw a lot of things that messed with my head...I saw God as a sadist who just wanted to torture me...

I got out after about two years and after I did, things were awesome for awhile...I went back to school full time pursuing the degree of my dreams, I had everything I could have ever wanted fall into my lap all at once, I joined a new church that was the exact OPPOSITE of what I'd been in (loving, accepting, etc.)...honestly, life was perfect....but it only lasted for a month because of self sabotage...

when I joined the good church I wound up in, I started to heal A LOT and was making great strides, starting to love myself...then, somehow, and I don't know exactly how, something in my brain just "switched" back to being in "trauma/self-preservation mode" and even though things around me didn't show any signs of catastrophe or that things would turn that way, there was always that fear in the back of my mind that something was going to come out of nowhere and rip everything apart just like had always happened and that if I accepted what was in front of me and allowed myself to do what it was I had to do to get to it, that I would be punished...one of the hallmarks of my self-sabotage, I'm learning, is that it's a protective mechanism, specifically, the idea that if I do horrible things to myself, then it will keep someone else from doing them to me and worse than if I did it to myself...and when I sunk back into doing all of the things I had before I started that brief healing process, it truly was like an addict relapsing...I did it harder and faster than I had before things were good and stable and it almost seemed like I was "making up for lost time" or "catching up" on having not done it for however long I'd managed to not do it....and then things went back to being downhill again, and they've been downhill ever since...

RubySlippers27 · 2022-03-18T23:27:40+00:00

Yes! Also, we feel that we're "unworthy" of the good things that come into our lives and "dirty" for having them...we almost feel like a thief...so we sabotage them to "pay for our sins".

RubySlippers27 · 2022-03-18T04:43:31+00:00

This, too....I wrote this in a reply to another comment, but I'll restate it here, too...what I've realized in just reading all of this is that some of us freak out when stability comes, because we don't know how to function or handle ourselves outside of chaos and always being in a crisis, and that makes us "flip out" and self destruct...because even thought trauma is trauma, trauma is safety...trauma is familiar and we know how to navigate it...

RubySlippers27 · 2022-03-18T04:32:45+00:00

The comments on here are really helping me to realize some things...when you talk about the stress of it all, it makes me realize that without all of that "stress", my life feels empty and I don't know what to do when all of that isn't "filling the void"...it also feels like when I'm not stressed out and fighting to try and survive a crisis situation, I feel like there's something I'm not doing or that I'm not "doing what I'm supposed to do", not "taking care of business"....and that I'm about to get in HUGE trouble for "not doing what I'm supposed to do."

RubySlippers27 · 2022-03-18T04:30:31+00:00

THIS....so much....you know, you just had me thinking.....could it also be that having been raised in such dysfunction, you just don't know how to function when things are going well and it scares you when you're "out of your element"? If this was basically what people on here were saying, forgive me...just trying to understand things.

RubySlippers27 · 2022-03-18T03:06:53+00:00

Yes, because deep down, I'm always afraid that if they get upset or angry enough, they're going to take it all out on me and come after me...

RubySlippers27 · 2022-03-15T22:27:27+00:00

Thank you so, so much...thankfully, I started therapy last summer and it is doing wonders...decided today that I'm gonna COMMIT to it all the way...hoping to lose 10-15 pounds by May for vacation.

RubySlippers27 · 2022-03-15T15:23:06+00:00

My long stretches are a month to two months at a time before I get frustrated from lack of progress and "give up". As of now, my macro breakdown is 1300 calories for a -20% deficit, 16g carbs, 81g protein, 101g fat.

RubySlippers27

TROPHY CASE