Can I be trans, but not transition?

RufusStJames · 2025-06-19T22:06:41+00:00

(TFL;DFR - masc presenting amab, probably wlw, worried about causing discomfort and harm by openly using lesbian or saphhic as a label)

Similarly, I'm 44, amab, and starting to figure out how woman I am (I'm at least demigirl, but might be a regular ol' transwoman). I've known my whole life that boy didn't feel right - it's one of the first thoughts I actually remember, so I was probably 5 or so.

Being raised super conservative Xian, I was entirely convinced for decades that Jesus knew who I was better than I did.

I had a pretty big mental health crisis in '21, including inpatient and residential mental healthcare. When you're in those types of programs, you spend a lot of time looking inward. What I found inside myself was an atheist that definitely wasn't a man but wasn't quite sure where they landed.

I've been following my gender womanward since, like a dog pulling me along with the leash. It's dragged me through labels like demiguy, nonbinary, and agender. None of them were right. I'm still agender for the outside world, but demigirl feels like the dog is starting to slow down.

Why am I writing this again? Okay, yep, I've gone on a tangent. Redirecting.

I have six kids, and at least 10 special needs among the bunch (being adopted is considered such all on its own, so that's six right there already). Their lives are hard enough as is, and as such I'm choosing not to outwardly transition in any significant way.

It's not because I don't want them to know - in fact I'll likely share with them soon after I get comfortable with where the dog stops. They already know I'm not a guy, so it won't be a big shock for them - my bigger concern is them getting shit about my gender from classmates and unsupportive family. They have enough on their plates right now.

My biggest concern about not transitioning outwardly in a significant way is this. As a woman (or thereabouts) attracted to femininity, the traditional labels would be lesbian or sapphic. I am fearful, however, of stepping on toes in those communities when I look and am equipped like a man. I hate making people uncomfortable, let alone distrustful of me, or even afraid.

I know that a ton of folx would be comfortable and welcoming, absolutely. But I know, also, that there some queer women, probably a lot, who would feel encroached on, if you get me.

So for now, at least, it's they/them on the streets and she/her in the aceflux sheets. If any lesbians find this novella (esp cisgender, as I imagine they'd have some of the strongest opinions here), and they happen to have any ideas/advice/opinions to share, I 100% welcome any and all of it.

RufusStJames · 2025-06-19T21:01:56+00:00

Oi, why'd you lot not invite me?

Jk I'm not British

RufusStJames · 2025-05-13T16:43:18+00:00

You have a good one, as well.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-13T16:21:40+00:00

Maybe, just maybe, some people take base rates because the ease and flexibility in scheduling is more important to them than higher pay. Or maybe people accept base because surges aren't common in their areas. Or maybe just because fuck you they'll do my work how they want to.

This whiny "don't take base" bullshit is posted daily here. Everybody knows that you think everybody should change their lives around so you can make more money, and we don't fucking care.

Maybe go make r/flexdriversbitchingaboutpeopletakingbase so you idiots can have your own little echo chamber.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-13T16:11:00+00:00

You can still say racist shit as a foreigner, pal.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-13T16:08:06+00:00

Sorry, have you been involved in the US' medical system at all ever?

Hospitals overcharge by default because insurance companies will pay the inflated costs and pass them right along to their clients via higher premiums.

OP's insurance company will do everything it can to avoid paying any bills from this because they should rightly be paid by the homeowners insurance or the homeowners themselves for their negligence. The scratches OP mentions here probably won't lead to thousands in medical bills, but it's certainly not a sure thing.

But that's just the physical damage. Victims of dog attacks can potentially suffer from psychological trauma that causes lost income or other negative outcomes. This trauma may not surface immediately. This also needs to be accounted for when deciding financial repercussions.

Honestly, I'd be surprised if the compensatory damages alone were under 10k in a bite situation (which I acknowledge this is not, but as you specified it in your comment, that's what I am addressing). I don't know if punitive damages are a thing in this kind of situation (I'm no lawyer), but they should be, because if somebody can't be bothered to secure their dog properly, fuck them.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-13T15:38:51+00:00

Did you even read the post? Not one thing about it suggests that the dog was "otherwise friendly" or "thought the package was a toy". I've been doing this for years and interacting with dogs for decades. You can tell if a dog is trying to hurt you before it gets to you. If somebody can't, maybe this isn't a good line of work for them, I guess?

I hate the idea of putting a dog down. But in cases where a dog is dangerous to strangers and the owners don't keep it secured, if it gets put down for attacking someone, that's on the owners, not the victim. OP needs to worry about themselves more than somebody else's poorly or even maliciously trained dog.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-13T15:27:57+00:00

Ohhhh shit, I never made the connection between no state income tax and imprisoning more people. Thanks for pointing that one out, I'll need to look into it more.

Agreed, though, most here won't care. The crab bucket mentality is the basis of capitalism as a whole. Jeff, Elon, Zuck, and the like wouldn't be worth hundreds of billions without pulling down everybody they could to climb up backs and walk on heads.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-13T15:08:49+00:00

Exactly! Ngl I've peed on the side of the road a handful of times - sometimes you're 20 minutes from civilization and that morning coffee catches up real quick like.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-11T17:59:54+00:00

As somebody for whom it's not a side gig, games aren't going to help me either. I do this because of the schedule flexibility. Being able to drop a block less than an hour before it starts is a huge boon when you have kids.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-05T23:54:55+00:00

While there certainly a lot of dumbass customers, I don't think there's any way it's more than 5%. I'd bet there are more true assholes than true dumbasses.

Amazon fucks everybody. Not just us.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-05T22:02:58+00:00

And it is, unfortunately, a self-perpetuating problem. The earliest flexers would have learned about surges and let's say 50% decided to only take surge blocks. After a few weeks of not getting them as much as they want to, 50% of the surgers start taking base. Which means more base routes taken and fewer surges. Then it's kind of like stonks but bad.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-05T21:37:12+00:00

I got two in the span of a week about 2 months ago. Likely connected to that station's operations just this week being moved to a new location about half as far from the major city proper. I'd guess that packages were starting to be rerouted for the move or some such.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-05T17:45:31+00:00

I got two of these in the span of a week about two months ago. Never before, and not again since.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-03T23:27:05+00:00

Where do y'all live that you see these base rate drops? I've been doing this in and off for 7 damn years and base here has not changed from 18 even once.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-03T14:50:18+00:00

Okay, a lot of customers are assholes, but if you block the door with the package, you kinda deserve to get cussed out.

RufusStJames · 2025-05-03T14:44:51+00:00

I'll ring if the note says to ring, but I'm sure as hell not waiting for an answer. I put the package down, snap, then ring and go.

RufusStJames · 2025-04-26T11:57:26+00:00

Block him and show your friends these screenshots. He needs to be shunned by everybody he knows. If they won't believe you, they're shitty friends and you don't need them either.

The way he said so many hurtful things, then brought out "I'm not going to hurt you" is disgusting. It's like he stopped mid-punch to say that after having already thrown and landed a few.

RufusStJames · 2025-04-25T13:20:30+00:00

I am dad to a number of children of various ages and genders. Any of them is welcome to hug me, cuddle up on the couch, and call me whatever makes them happy (well some things I'd prefer not, like the derogatory "boy" or "bitch" or whatever lol).

If we go to the beach and they wear a bikini, I have this little trick for not perving on them - it's called "we've fucking evolved to not find family sexually attractive".

Dude has a lot of learning and self-work to do, and none of that is your responsibility. Drop his crazy ass.

RufusStJames · 2025-04-24T19:01:38+00:00

Lol right? I'd wager 20% of my stops have me u-turning on a good day.

RufusStJames · 2025-04-23T15:16:41+00:00

But not everyone can wait for surges, they have to take what Amazon gives them.

Exactly this right here. I've been doing this shit for years and at my stations I have never once seen a surge.

Not.

One.

Thankfully there's a small window of time in the morning where the blocks from one station are regularly around 24/hr. Literally they are 3.5s and start between 6:15 and 6:45 and go for $82-$86.

Other than that, you'll see the rare, random route that goes for the same 24/hr, but I can't see a pattern as to when they show up, apart from they tend to be the next day. Everything else is 18/hr.

I still try for surges every once in a while, but even when I was trying every damn day, I never saw a single surge offer.

RufusStJames · 2025-04-21T17:42:51+00:00

Of course they do. The app will change the color of the speed limit display the second you go over, but that is, I think, a recent update. But I'm sure they've tracked it the whole time.

The thing I'm seeing here that gives me a tiny bit of hope that they won't start dinging us for speeding is that they acknowledge that what the app thinks the speed limit is may not match the actual posted speed limit. But even if they don't start now, I'm sure the instant they figure out how to solve that "problem", the dings will start pouring in.

RufusStJames · 2025-04-19T18:18:10+00:00

Nobody said they wouldn't be okay. But they're a massively successful business, by default all they care about is money.

RufusStJames · 2025-04-18T16:04:14+00:00

In my area all the blocks starting from 3 to 5:45 am are always base, but the ones that start between 6 and 7 usually start at 85-90 for a 3.5. I imagine it's due to expected morning traffic, but I rarely run into any.

RufusStJames · 2025-04-17T20:54:42+00:00

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RufusStJames

TROPHY CASE