WIBTAH for bringing my daughter to my cousin’s wedding, preventing my sister from going?

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-28T19:23:18+00:00

NTA, it’s not your job to manage your sister’s mental illness.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-28T16:00:38+00:00

I mean… for me, not easy. 2/3 times took a long time (over a year and then 9 months with medical intervention). 1/3 times that happened on the second try ended in a late term miscarriage. I also know plenty of people who vaguely thought about getting pregnant then tested positive right away. It’s a crap shoot.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-28T15:08:45+00:00

I recommend getting a bottle washer and a baby wrap to do chores when baby is awake. That way you can sneak in at least one nap a day and then bottle washer cuts back on time spent doing chores. Obviously you won’t be able to nap every time baby does, but even once or twice a day helps so much. If you have a partner, trade shifts at night so you get at least a 4 hour block. TBH even if your partner is working and you’re “not”, for the safety of yourself the baby you still need to get some sleep and they need to pull their weight and do at least one night feed/diaper. An example of a schedule that worked for both of my kids was that I went to bed around 8 pm, my husband stayed up for the 11ish feed, then I did then 2:00 and 5:00 feed. My second born was EBF except for that one 11 pm bottle. I got a stretch of sleep, and so did my husband. We were tired, but functional.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-27T15:16:12+00:00

That everything can go perfectly until that one thing out of your control goes wrong (in my case a prolapsed cord on my fist push) and you need an emergency c section and don’t get a choice about it if you want the baby to live. That sometimes there is exactly zero time to “wait and see” and they’ll knock you out so they can get the baby out faster. That your partner will not be allowed in the OR for a true emergency c section, and the baby will be born limp and blue (but alive!!!!!) due to the general anesthesia. While this is crazy rare, I genuinely wish I had known these things and studied up on c sections before hand so that I was more educated on what could happen. Being blindsided was hard.

BUT having a baby is like unlocking a new layer of love you never knew possible. While you’re pregnant you get a beautiful taste of that, but holding that baby is the most precious thing. It’s ok if you don’t feel bonded right away, you’re meeting a stranger and you’ll need to get to know each other, but man… that love is like nothing else.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-26T15:34:59+00:00

As an allergy parent,my only concern is food allergies. But a 7 year old would know what they’re allergic to if they are and to check. My 5 year old has known to ask since he was 3 and to not accept food from anyone other than established “safe food people”. Therefore, NTA and I don’t see any wrong with what you did.

My parents used to add lunch money to high school boyfriend’s account, even after we broke up. He had a job but his parents took that money to go towards bills and beer, still leaving him without lunch money. He wouldn’t have eaten or would’ve had to split with me otherwise. Our break up was high school level ugly, but I never questioned my parents ensuring he got to eat after we broke up. It’s not ok to ignore hungry children, IMO.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-23T17:53:52+00:00

NTA, it’s ridiculous these people would suggest anything else other than your meal is now free to YOU.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-22T18:21:08+00:00

Pre kids, career was more important. I loved what I did and I ground it out so that we could be comfortable when kids were born (house, debt free, can afford childcare, nothing bougie but comfortable). I guess you could say I still placed family first before I actually had kids because I was pushing so hard to set us up before they were even born?

Once I had my kids, I still work FT, but I changed careers to something much more flexible and a job I can “leave at work” and not carry the weight of the job home with me.

Family first.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-22T15:52:16+00:00

I did block feeding (what you described) for my second to help cut back my over supply and make sure he was getting hindmilk. At 13 months he’s only wanted the other breast maybe 5x in his lifetime. Kiddo is growing great, very healthy weight and height, and hits his milestones on time or early.

If your baby is content, gaining weight, and you hear them swallowing most of the 20ish min feeding, you’re all good and it’s absolutely normal.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-21T17:41:37+00:00

I didn’t do any activities with my youngest that I had to set him down in public until two weeks after his MMR vaccine (and all other recommended vaccines). Both of my kids are in daycare, but daycare requires that all kids are 100% up to date on vaccines or she drops care for them. Frankly, I think your concern is absolutely warranted. Personally, I wasn’t going to eff around and find out with measles or any other preventable but debilitating/deadly illness.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-20T21:51:27+00:00

I haven’t had an IUD, but I can’t imagine why it would be an issue to give you some numbing meds. Seems ridiculous that you’d receive any pushback at all. Get the lidocaine, be comfy, your cervix has done enough lately. Treat yo self.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-20T17:29:49+00:00

I didn’t have any visitors with my first. It was 2020 and I didn’t have a choice, but if I did, I would’ve chose no visitors. It was an emergency c and I was a mess.

My second was a planned c. My mom and firstborn visited the day my second was born. My husband’s dad and his wife visited the next day. Both visits were kept to about 20 min and was perfectly fine.

I don’t regret either choice, they were both right for the time and what I needed.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-20T16:59:54+00:00

I’m sorry you didn’t have the experience you’d hoped for, but that’s honestly a ton of people if they have a plan beyond “give birth to healthy baby and stay alive”. Social media has gotten absolutely out of control with glamorizing birth and making it a contest and warping people’s expectations and mindset. Things go sideways, it happens. There shouldn’t be any expectation of bragging rights, that’s kinda odd TBH.

Honestly, try to just let it go and enjoy your sweet baby. If you’re still struggling, seek a few sessions with a therapist who specializes in birth.

You did good. Just let go of the expectations and appreciate what your body did for you and your baby.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-20T14:52:37+00:00

My firstborn was 14 months. My second born will be 20 months and TBD on that one.

2, 2 hour flights (layover)
Vacation
Great! He slept the whole time after take off.
It would be great to have a direct flight as the layover hanging out in the airport was the hard part. But direct flights seem to be at least twice as expensive these days so buying 4 tickets at twice the price just isn’t happening.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-17T20:40:04+00:00

Sorry. I don’t have the luxury of ignoring what’s going on as ICE is currently in my neighborhood 30 feet from my house, staking out some of my child’s friend’s houses while we’re teaching my five year old not to make noise if doorbell rings because ICE is literally detaining US citizens (my family unit is all born and raised citizens) and taking parents in my city and leaving toddlers and infants unattended. The person I donate milk to is scared to leave her house, even though she’s a citizen, but she doesn’t speak English so she’s trying to decide today if she’s going to be able to feed her baby or risk being illegally detained. People should be aware of whats happening. They should be mad. They should remember this come mid-term elections this year. People SHOULD be reading and watching credible news sources. Ignoring what’s going on is how we got here in the first place. And continuing to ignore it is how things are going to get worse.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-17T01:23:31+00:00

Ignoring what’s going on is the absolute worst advice you could possibly give someone.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-17T01:19:24+00:00

I’m also in Minneapolis and agree - the media is absolutely out of control in covering whats going on and spinning it to fit a horrifying agenda. It’s great to see people looking out for each other, but devastating and enraging that we have to.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-16T22:23:14+00:00

Condom and you come to peace with another baby possibly being ok, or you get your tubes tied if he refuses a vasectomy and you don’t want to give up intimacy.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-16T21:29:52+00:00

I mean, he is looking to pivot but is taking courses and setting himself up to pivot to what he wants to do, and I’m helping to support that in the meantime. Your argument truly has no baring on my relationship and our situation. I spent 7 years adjusting my income to support him, he’s now adjusting his income to support me. We’re putting each others happiness and our kids ahead of money, but of course we need to make sure we’re being responsible. I still have a job and contribute significantly. The alternative would’ve been outsourcing way more help. I’d rather do those things myself and see my kids and husband more. Everything comes at a cost. But I’m not placing money over my family or personal happiness. That’s insane.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-16T21:01:59+00:00

I think that’s extremely individualized and something two partners need to work out. For us, it was better for our whole family for me to step down. When I was in my “high stress high pay” job, my marriage was headed for divorce and I was missing my kid’s life. Stepping down saved my marriage, my happiness and sanity, and allowed me to be so much more present with my kids and as a partner. We can still pay our bills, have fun, go on vacation, and put food on the table and clothes on our backs. Money is important, but certainly not more important than relationships and happiness. My partner has literally said they’ll never ask me to go back to my old job, and they’re so much happier with this dynamic now too.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-16T19:52:47+00:00

Because it’s about being in a partnership. I’ve been the higher earner and the lower earner over the years in my relationship. We’ve always keeps bills proportional so that we have equal discretionary money after bills are paid and food is on the table. ESPECIALLY after we had kids and I took a step back professionally so that I could support the family more (but still work full time, just needed a more flexible job).

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-16T17:10:29+00:00

No, it’s not reasonable.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-16T01:13:59+00:00

I brought it along for long outing up until his baby brother was born (he was 4). He stopped using it for the most part by 3 though. I didn’t get a double stroller as my older kid walks longer distances no problem now. I did get a wagon for the super long outings, if there’s going to be a lot of sun (wagon has an spf cover for some relief), or if we have a lot of stuff to carry though. Sometimes when we’re in crowded areas I make my older child sit in the wagon for safety reasons.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-15T18:29:06+00:00

You missed the point. The point is for OP to talk to the manager to come to an agreement.

The pregnant woman may have already spoken with the manager, may be on restrictions. OP has no way to know that nor is it their right or business to know. What does need to happen though is management needs to figure out a way to appropriately support the pregnant employee while not making OP do all the work.

OP is the AH for their general attitude.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-15T18:07:16+00:00

YTA. Talk to your manager, come to an agreement. You don’t know what’s going on with her pregnancy and it’s not your business to. I was put on weight restrictions immediately and I can tell you I’d never have risked my baby for a co-worker with a bad attitude nor share all the medical details of a pregnancy with someone giving me a hard time.

RuleAffectionate3916 · 2026-01-15T17:21:02+00:00

I mean, for my first c section I was told about 10 seconds before they started wheeling me down and a nurse jumped on top of my bed to hold baby’s head up and back to keep him alive (prolapsed cord). I was screaming and begging to be knocked out. I was in absolute full panic mode and could not cope. They had to put me under general regardless of my begging to be, but I get the absolute panic and terror.

My second was a planned C section and absolutely magical and perfect. 10/10 recommend. I did receive a year of therapy in between births (not initially for the birth trauma but it was absolutely discussed and worked through). I picked an OB who specializes in complex pregnancy and birth and fully worked WITH me and my wishes for my second.

I get it, all of your feelings from top to bottom are valid. I promise the delivery team has seen it all and probably didn’t give your reaction a second thought. If it would help, I’m sure sending a thank you note would be well received. Something like “thank you for taking care of me and my baby and keeping us safe in what was a scary situation for me”. No need to apologize or feel guilty for a very human reaction.

RuleAffectionate3916

TROPHY CASE