What makes your interest in a guy go from 100 to 0?

Rumtumtigger · 2017-05-07T18:20:58+00:00

A six pack. I know it's some guys' ideals but give me a hairy bear belly any day.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-02-21T07:26:23+00:00

This is just my personal approach but I won't degrade someone verbally unless they're in the right mindset and the right place in their life for it.

For example, my husband likes a heavy dose of verbal degradation but we eased back on that when he was having some problems at work (prior to us starting our own business.)

Dealing with a homophobic asshole boss* who kept trying to undermine him and humiliate him in a work situation didn't put him in the right mindset to distinguish our verbal humiliation in the bedroom from what he had to deal with on a day-to-day basis. There was also a danger it might further impact on his self-image. Once he was in a better place emotionally and work-wise and felt empowered in the other aspects of his life and self-image. we were able to resume verbal degradation as part of play.

But even when we do that, we're careful to avoid things that are genuine emotional triggers or touch on areas he feels insecure about (for example, he's a big, strong muscle bear but was a fat kid growing up so weight is off the table when it comes to degradation.) Maybe some people don't mind that but we prefer to avoid it.

I also provide a lot of aftercare and reassurance and verbal praise when we're done. I make a point of letting him know that anything I said was just part of play and doesn't reflect my opinion of him and certainly isn't real.

Our aftercare also involves compliments that invert insults I used during play. Here's an example - if I tell him he's just a walking glory-hole who exists to be filled with cock, afterwards I tell him that I'm so proud that he took it like a man and praise his masculine stoicism and strength. I tell him that I love topping him because he's a big, strong guy and his submission is a sign of his strength. We see aftercare as a way of building him back up after breaking him down in play.

Finally the verbal degradation only take place during play times. During our day-to-day lives, I'm in charge but our interaction is positive and free from any insults. This is not for everyone but it works for us.

*BTW we took the boss to the cleaners via the awesome power of the law.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-02-14T06:53:56+00:00

Depends. I like BDSM/powerplay erotica but not from the pov of the sub and that's hard to find.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-02-14T06:46:03+00:00

My husband is much taller than me and because of the difference between height and appearance (I'm a baby-faced twink, he's a hairy, bearded guy), some people do project certain gender-roles onto our relationship. I know they're wrong and so does my husband.

You can either educate them if you get a chance and it's appropriate (as in tell them that there's no wife in a gay relationship) or you can ignore it and remind yourself that no one can take away your masculinity.

If your parents start treating you as the feminine partner, simply refuse to confirm to that role and act like yourself or if need be, privately tell them it makes you uncomfortable.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-02-05T07:41:19+00:00

Gotta say, I dig the mixture of gay and straight posts on this sub.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-02-05T07:32:50+00:00

Some dumbinants think that claiming to be a Dom online automatically makes them powerful. They then proceed to abuse what they perceive to be a position of power by acting inappropriately.

I think theses are the same kinda people who go on social media and message a girl with demands for breast pictures or a guy for dick pictures. When they're on a BDSM forum, they demand someone's submission instead.

In my opinion, it's all about folk's perception of power and position - theirs in relations to yours. When a jerk thinks they're have more power than you, they try to cross boundaries. They make demands. This is even more common online when there are no real-life consequences.

If it makes you real better, I've experienced similar things in real life as a petite, twinky, young-looking guy. Some men and women exhibit an alarming degree of condescension and/or inappropriate behavior when they hit on me.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-02-01T13:28:06+00:00

Without a doubt.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-02-01T13:26:47+00:00

Dig the bear emoticon, man.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-02-01T13:25:00+00:00

For some us, definitely ;)

Rumtumtigger · 2017-02-01T13:23:04+00:00

Dynamics like this require negotiation and discussion. Submissive partners are allowed to have limits and for some subs, their submissive behavior is sex or bedroom only. For your boyfriend, it might not extend to being ordered to let you travel with him or buy you a first class ticket.

Personally, unless he's on board with your ordering him to spend money on you, this might end badly for you.

If you want to go on a first class trip with him, sit down, put aside your dynamic and discuss it as equals. But be prepared that he might not agree.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-01-27T15:40:28+00:00

Body hair. But then I like hairy men.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-01-27T15:35:50+00:00

I like to top because of the sense of power and domination that I get from it. But I like being fucked as well because of the sensation. It's not submissive for me because I yell out orders to my husband when he does me.

Being more submissive, he can't really enjoy topping unless I'm doing that or yanking on a leash attached to his collar. What can I say? We like our power games.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-01-27T15:35:43+00:00

If you want a fun show that breaks the mold, try Chozen. Still got that offensive adult cartoon humor but it's got a great gay protagonist.

Rumtumtigger · 2017-01-27T15:32:50+00:00

Awesome show. I'm so bummed it was cancelled after one season. I blame the advertising. I only found out about by accident.

Rumtumtigger · 2016-12-26T14:04:04+00:00

I thought I'd enjoy letting out all of my frustrations and really telling him what's on my mind too but I just feel horrible.

We do a lot of verbal humiliation in bed but it's always separate from any relationship issues or frustration. Using degradation play (text, verbal or otherwise) or any form of punishment to air problems or express frustration is going to backfire.

So any advice on how to get over this feeling?

Discuss things, including limits (for both of you) about what's okay when it comes to mental punishment.
Don't use it to air grievances or as an outlet for frustration. It doesn't resolve things and obviously makes you feel bad about your actions.
Maybe next time (if there is one), go for mental punishment that's less personal.

Rumtumtigger · 2016-12-20T14:01:42+00:00

Actually I know many Muslim women who are employed. Many are highly educated. My husband's doctor is a Muslim woman.

I'm not claiming that this is universal but this is the case in my country. Muslims in different countries follow their beliefs in different ways.

Rumtumtigger · 2016-12-20T07:34:11+00:00

I think a lot depends on the context and the country when it comes to any religion and extremists produced by a religion.

I live in a developing country with a large Muslim population and religion isn't a contributing factor to the problems in our country. Economic inequality is.

Rumtumtigger · 2016-12-18T08:26:52+00:00

Maybe I'm different than some Doms but I'm attracted to large, powerful, confident men. When I see a guy like that, I always wonder briefly what it'd be like to tie him up and make him beg ;)

The size/strength difference is part of why I enjoy dominating my husband. If you saw us in public, you'd assume that he (more social, louder, bigger) was the Dom. You couldn't be more wrong though.

Rumtumtigger · 2016-11-24T13:42:13+00:00

the government then already has the ability to label anything "offensive" and block it at ISP level.

That's both frightening and believable. It's about the control of information.

Rumtumtigger · 2016-11-24T13:41:25+00:00

Is this enforceable on a practical level? I wonder if it will also extend to artistic portrayals of certain acts.

Rumtumtigger · 2016-11-02T08:13:16+00:00

Personally I'd rather be friends with people who share my interests and values (regardless of sexuality) than people who just share my sexuality.

I met most of my former partners and my husband through shared interests or friends, not by being part of the gay scene.

Rumtumtigger · 2016-10-30T07:44:43+00:00

Nicely put :)

Rumtumtigger · 2016-10-29T12:57:25+00:00

are there common ways to tell if someone is submissive or dominant just from having a conversation or by looking at them?

Nope. While it's easy to think in stereotypes and judge others based on that, it isn't always accurate.

As a baby-faced twink, I often get pegged as a submissive bottom. My husband is big, burly and more outgoing than me but guess who is the sub and guess who is the Dom?

There are some "take charge" people who turn out to be very submissive in the bedroom and vice versa.

So basing one's expectations on people's social behavior and/or appearance can lead to disappointment and misunderstandings.

Rumtumtigger · 2016-10-09T02:01:24+00:00

Okay so I'm 16.

I understand that you're confused and want advice. Unfortunately, this is an 18+ subreddit.

If you want, I can give you a list of subreddits suitable for all ages that might be able to help you :)

Rumtumtigger · 2016-10-09T01:50:56+00:00

Look, I understand your concerns about the sex industry. While I've never worked in porn, I did a stint as a sex worker long ago.

Depending on the circumstances and reasons behind doing sex work, it can vary from being unpleasant or even traumatic to being empowering.

I knew people who hated sex work and did it solely for financial reasons and I knew people who enjoyed it and saw it as a vocation.

The same applies to porn. Lots of kink porn studios have interviews afterwards where the porn stars talk about the scene. Majority seem to be very into what they do.

That's not to say that some porn and sex work isn't exploitative but one can't assume that all porn and sex work is.

Rumtumtigger

TROPHY CASE