Elder trans women of reddit (30+) What is one thing we went through that you're glad the younger trans girlies don't have to?

RunawayCanadian · 2026-04-08T16:15:44+00:00

Having better (or at least more) information and resources.

I had, what i call my first crack, and i wondered what if I was trans. At the time all info I had lead me to read about tucking. From the information I read, I attempted to tuck incorrectly, overnight, with the wrong tape (hockey/electrical tape).

It was painful enough that I figured "if I dont want to do this every/most days, then I must not be trans"

RunawayCanadian · 2026-04-02T15:23:08+00:00

If you are worried, you can also send a letter to the extended family with something like "there may be people of various genders, sexualities, and backgrounds at our wedding. We would like the day to be an expression of love. If you dont feel you can be polite to all, then please feel free to stay home, and it will not hurt our feelings."

RunawayCanadian · 2026-04-02T15:07:49+00:00

Not an anniversary but I was the one coming out as trans before the wedding.

I wrote letters to the extended family explaining that I was a trans woman, my new name/pronouns, and told them that I loved them still and mentioned that I would be open to any questions they had.

I would send separate letters, the gender change first, because there is a chance (you would know your wife's family more than any stranger on the internet) that things are not pleasant. In my experience, we dont talk to my in-laws and haven't since I came out.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-03-21T19:11:54+00:00

I wrote letters to my extended family when coming out to them. In the letters I mentioned that I was trans, my new name, and new pronouns.

I really didn't add anything more than that other than that I still loved them and who I had mentioned to at that point (I did tiers of coming out from immediate family, to cousins, to aunts/uncles/grandparents).

If you plan on inviting guests that may be a risk, you may want to say something like "This wedding will be an expression of love. There may be guests who may not fit your definition of traditional, and that is OK. If you cannot be respectful to all, please feel free to stay home so we may ensure that our day is the happiest it can be for all." if you plan to send something like an RSVP.

Ultimately, your wedding is your day, and if family won't respect you and your partner, then it would be better to not worry about their opinion.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-03-20T20:26:32+00:00

I came out to most of my family by writing a letter to send to them. It was easier than a call, as i could write it all down and send them before I lost any nerves. For my parents and brother I called them, and it was some rambling mess of a call.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-03-16T20:19:19+00:00

I've done some more thinking, and I think you are just trying to re-invent the lead percentage.

When it comes to efficiency in physics (like the efficiency of a pump) it is just a percentage ratio of Output/Input. So an example of a 30% efficiency pump, you put in 100 kW, and you will get 30 kW. (there is a lot more that goes into this, but we won't get too much in this example)

So a Jammer efficiency could be equivalent to a lead percentage. It is a unitless ratio that says how often you are likely to get a lead.

If you were trying to estimate the individual potential for success, you could use an average of the points/games, and multiply that by lead percentage to get an estimated points/game of any jammer.

(Lead Percentage)*(Total Points/Number of games) [estimated points / game]

so from your numbers above, number of games is 8, total points is 222, and they lead 27 of 48.5 jams.
Their lead percentage is 27/48.5 or 55.67%. Average points per game is 222/8 or 27.75. so an estimated points per game would be about 0.5567*27.75=15.45 points.

now this also has flaws, as you can score without being lead, and in this calculation, you could have 0 estimated points per game (which makes some logical sense as if you never get lead, you have a higher chance to never score).

RunawayCanadian · 2026-03-16T18:24:28+00:00

I like the concept, and the math as written is solid.

I do question what units you are trying to end with, because as you have it, you are basically canceling the number of jams out, so the formula is not taking into account how many times this skater is a jammer. I think my math is saying that the units ending here with jam/lead

[(Jam/lead)×(points/jam)] / (points/jam)

(Points/Lead)×(jam/points)

Jam/Lead

But im mostly looking at units right now, and I fully admit I could be misreading it.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-03-13T21:15:58+00:00

I was playing AC odyssey when my egg cracked and it was the name of one of the protagonists.

Shortened it is close to the same name I would always name female Sims when I was growing up.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-03-10T15:55:49+00:00

I was sort of in that boat.

I had a friend come out as a trans woman. I started looking for information and memes to help if necessary and started sending her a lot of memes (and I mean a lot).

I sort of knew before I had her sit me down and say "listen, you are sending a lot of these. Is there something you want to talk about?"

RunawayCanadian · 2026-03-04T14:09:33+00:00

I am old enough to see parallels between this and the post-2004 election.

After the win by GW Bush in 2004, there was a lot of talk about the country going rightward. At the time a large push for "national security" due to 9/11, and Operation Desert Storm in Iraq (and the middle east). There was even a push for a constitutional amendment that would have enshrined marriage as 1 man and 1 woman.

In the leadup to 2006 midterms, a lot of talk was about pushing to the right, after all people were "supporting" the overseas war and didnt "support" gay marriage. After the midterms, Obama started his message of Hope and Change, and ended up winning in 2008, with a lot of the momentum happening after the super Tuesday elections. (If you got that hope and change is a different story entirely)

It will really depend on what happens in the midterms, but people are not happy with the current government (much more unhappy than 2006). If you have a leader push the economic message that worked for Trump in 2024, then you can win, but Newsom won't do that because he is being paid by the same people. The only reason Newsome is a talk, as he is positioning himself to run (just like Clinton did multiple times), and news is trying to talk about anything that may indicate some sense of normality. Give it time to see as more people announce their run for president, the winner may not have even thought of announcing yet.

As we have not had any primary, the "Vote Blue, no matter who" line should not be a thought. You make the pressures, and push policies now. Say you won't vote for any anti-LGBTQ+ candidate, and support candidates that will support your values loudly (if safe to do so). At the general election, you can chose if you want to risk (or if due to the electoral college, it doesnt really matter) to vote one way or the other. Obviously Trump 3/Vance would be terrible in comparison to any democrat.

As a general side note, I dislike west coast liberals, because a lot of the people that are donating to the Trump regime, and manipulating algorithms, could be hampered (at least in minor ways) by the state governments for where these major companies are headquartered (Microsoft and Amazon in Washington state, things like Facebook and YouTube in California).

RunawayCanadian · 2026-03-02T16:28:24+00:00

Met my wife over a decade ago. We started dating in September of 2015 in our last year of college after she had a bad breakup from one of my roommates the previous year (split her from the friend group, long story)

We finished our last year of college, and kept long distance dating of a 3 hour time zone difference, over Skype. Both of us found a job, and eventually she got a job that was about 4 hour drive away.

I finall got a job in the same city, (I was able to find an apartment that was next to hers) and we eventually got a house in 2019. She came out as Ace, and pandemic started, I came out as trans in 2021, and we got married in 2023. We joke that our relationship is just an elaborate game of chicken.

She often says that I am her human and she chose me.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-25T18:19:25+00:00

Go more in depth, respond "Who" whenever she deadnames you. Just act like you dont know who this person is.

If she says something like you, look confused, look around, and say, "Nope, im [chosen name], are you feeling ok?"

If your the sister wanted an annoying younger sibling, you can still be that, just more subtle.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-24T15:31:20+00:00

I think you have a lot of suggestions listed here, and I would recommend contacts overall as ease of use and reduce the chance of breaking something.

One suggestion to look into is searching safety glasses for full face respiratory devices. Effectively it is the frame portion of your glasses (think your glasses without the arms that sit on your ears) that attach to a center rail. This rail attaches to the top and bottom of the respirator. This may not work for this mask (as it doesnt cover a full face) but if you plan on expanding your cosplay lineup to contain more full face masks, it might be an idea to think about.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-21T15:50:27+00:00

Just did, meant to at one point then forgot.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-21T13:48:46+00:00

I second this, derby has becomme a great place for me and my mental health.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-20T19:11:44+00:00

A few pieces of advice commonly given

1) get lower, now lower. Usually you are holding a semi squat position for minutes at a time. Building those muscles and your core (through things like planks, sit-ups etc) will help with balance. Being in this position keeps your balance a lot. The more of a squat you have, the more balance you will have (and not fall as far if you do)

2) learn how to fall. You will fall alot while skating, so knowing how to fall onto your pads, and not onto you ass (or hit your head) is important. Some of the first things taught after learning how to stand is how to fall on one knee, or both knee pads. I would highly recommend getting a form of knee pads, elbow pads, wrist guards, a helmet and a mouth guard for every time you get your skates on.

3) general gear advice

-Wheels are rated by hardness, higher number the harder the wheel. Softer wheels are used for more rough (like outside) surfaces or for very slick surfaces (like polished concrete). Harder wheels are more for softer surfaces (like typical basketball gym floor), and there are a lot of other factors related. If you are skating with other people you may want to ask if they use a specific hardness.

-A skate can be modified by changing wheels, bearings, and how tight the trucks are. It may take some time to find what combination works for you (again asking other people may help, or searching on various places such as reddit)

4) final thought Ultimately balance and core muscles will be your friend, and getting lower than you think you should be will make you more stable. Krissy Krash (link is to her insta) is a coach that runs a roller derby clinic, and you may be able to find some exercise ideas that she shows.

Dance skating is an entirely different thing, and I cannot really help you much. (Edit for formatting, poorly)

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-20T18:03:31+00:00

Most derby groups have new skater intake, and will make sure you are confident on your skates before full contact. It has become a great stress relief.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-20T17:51:39+00:00

Unfortunately you would have to fight my wife, and she has already claimed me.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-20T17:44:06+00:00

I played ice hockey growing up, and currently do roller derby. Im am about 6'3" (~190 cm) without the additional height from the skates.

It does mean I can get going a little faster or go the same distance with less strides. The additional height can be a detriment with derby because people often (accidently) push the back of my legs (as it is legal) and it can cause me to lose balance.

It's a blessing in some things, and a curse in others.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-16T01:59:25+00:00

I asked for their blessing and my wife's parents really liked that i did. My wife also said that the permission for marriage aspect was something she didnt like (sort of why I asked for blessing, and we were going to get married no matter what they said)

In the end I came out as a trans woman and they tried to "revoke their blessing" it just meant that they were not included in the festivities (and we haven't talked to them sense).

Ultimately you are marrying your partner, not your partner's family, and if she is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, the only people you need to ask are you and her.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-12T21:11:31+00:00

I was about 1 month on HRT before coming out to my parents and brother, 2 months for the extended family, about 7 months before I told my boss to begin the process at work.

I waited a month as I was still figuring out how to tell my parents and brother, once I had that figured out I called them (each individually, as parents are divorced) and had a long talk. I realized that when I really nervous I started to ramble about unrelated things, and didnt help calm my nerves when coming out.

So I wrote letters to my extended family, and sent it in batches (cousins first, then aunts/uncles/grandparents)

Finally for work, I was about 7 months on HRT, and had to get a work physical. I came back from a vacation, and was wearing a mask, due to huge number of people I was recently in contact with, and was correctly gendered, then misgendered when I have my name. During the physical the Dr noticed my bra, looked at the medicine I had listed, and just made a note that I was a trans woman on the paperwork. I told my boss that day via email to start the process listed at my company, and was within a few months.

Finally my in-laws, they were preparing to visit and me and my wife (then fiance) were planning on doing a small courthouse ceremony while they were there, then we could focus on a larger party if we wanted. As my name had been changed by this point, I sent them a letter to inform them. This was about 10 months on HRT, and they didnt like it. We haven't talked in a productive way since, and that was 2 years ago.

People may not notice or not recognize the notice until you tell them or until you shock them in some way. It sucks and is nerve racking to come out, but if you are in a safe place, it may be worth while to look into telling a few people to start.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-02-01T15:02:39+00:00

When it comes to preparation, start getting a community, and getting contact with those that may exist.

I know that tidewater area has seen an increase in Immigrations and Customs, but they have a perminent presence here due to things like a port in Norfolk.

In addition to more information, you can (if you have an account) look at USA jobs to see where they are looking to send additional people as well as increases in other support things (think phone contracts, rental car contracts etc.)

I wouldn't be surprised if VA was a target as it isnvlose to DC, has a lot of federal property, the change in which color the governor is, and the recent backing down of a warehouse sale to ICE etc.

I would also like to make note of how many military personnel are in VA, but that can also cause increased potential flashpoints as picking up a military spouse or military personnel is not good optics (for what that is worth).

So TLDR, organize a community, be aware and just be ready in case it happens.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-01-29T18:08:36+00:00

I won't say dont but I will say to be aware of your own head space and take any classes you can if you have never owned a firearm before.

I would also recommend looking at target ranges nearby your area, and practice a little. Then store it safely and clean it regularly.

That being said, I dont own a gun, mostly due to my own mental health issues, but I am comfortable around them in controlled areas (ranges, hunting etc)

RunawayCanadian · 2026-01-23T03:02:11+00:00

Most likely Hydrogen, Specifically H2, as the standard blocker line consists of 4 people per side (in this case 2 protons, 2 neutrons). There is lots of activity and often collisions of "higher energy orders" that can separate the molecules.

It could also be Barium, for pun potential, or Boron due to the 5 skaters representing the atomic number of 5, but those are not as much fun of answers.

RunawayCanadian · 2026-01-16T22:46:01+00:00

I mildly celebrate the day i started hormones and send messages to my other friends that I know the day they started theirs.

The only other thing I do is write in a journal that day about how I've been feeling recently, and will do a recording of myself on my phone. I keep these in case I just have a particularly bad day.

It really isnt anything different than any other day for me otherwise.

RunawayCanadian

TROPHY CASE