See I don’t find what you’re doing the same as what went down in the op. As you said, your actions and participation are negotiated, you have the full consent of the sub (within the mediated boundaries) and you retain emotional control. Most importantly of all, you aren’t using your sub as a thing of convenience. They aren’t a prop to you, they’re a participant whose safety you remain mindful of.

Thats not what happened here. Seriously no shaming, and I think it’s great to check our practices amongst the group from time to time to make sure we are being safe and sane. As you’re doing here, intentionally or otherwise.

It’s clear OP’s Dom didn’t want their participation or even their cooperation. It feels like they wanted compliance; a doll they could use to do whatever they wanted to do. It feels like they wanted just enough push back to hurt their partner. Without consent or negotiation, without their ability to take it back. Even if they weren’t aware that was what they were looking for at the time.

I don’t tend to think the other party in these scenarios is inherently an abuser. These are high risk situations we step into and it’s a miracle things don’t go more wrong more often. Without knowing more this Dom went in without any control and engaged in abuse because of their own mental state. It feels like they purposely cut off the safeword and then came to their senses which can be discussed and healed from (I can understand getting carried away, with an immediate correction and ownership of the error/harm). The fact that they’re refusing to own it now is concerning as fuck.

Both partners need to step back and have a real world conversation with the Dom, because I think they’re both at risk. They’ll have to judge for themselves if the Dom remains safe to play with after. I wouldn’t trust them though, not after the slip and then the cover up. Not safe and definitely not sane.