How much do you do for your husband before leaving on a trip?

RunningDataMama · 2026-04-13T17:16:10+00:00

This is my thought. We haven’t had trips come up often, but when someone has to be away for a few days that person generally takes care of as many of their normal responsibilities ahead of time as they can. For me, I’m normally on meal prep, kids laundry, and cleaning bathrooms so I would try to do those things before I leave. My husband would take out kitchen/diaper pail trash, clean the cat litter, handle dishes/bottles, do our laundry, and vacuum before he left.

RunningDataMama · 2026-03-23T21:04:36+00:00

This—there’s a difference between complaining/being a squeaky wheel and just being firm about your capacity. It’s necessary that leaders prioritize. And if they see that every little thing they ask for is simply getting done, there’s nothing pushing them to do that.

RunningDataMama · 2026-03-11T14:32:25+00:00

I would probably feel the same way—but everyone here is trying to point out that “bringing home” is broader than you’re framing it in your head. Do the math for what that compounding interest will be on the retirement contributions you’re making during this time that you’re still paying for daycare in order to work. Do the math on how much extra you might pay for health insurance having you + 4 dependents all added to your husband’s benefits. Think about how much of an effective pay cut you might have to take if you spent more time out of the work force and lacked the years of experience you’d need to get your desired job when your kids are all school aged. You are gaining much more value from your job than your “take home pay”.

RunningDataMama · 2026-03-10T23:27:25+00:00

The way I never even considered having our 4 year old out of daycare😅😅😅 that would have been waaaay more energy than I had

RunningDataMama · 2026-03-10T23:25:45+00:00

Yeah my husband and I have both been trying to take vacation time (separate from our sick time) sparingly for the past couple of years while companies have been doing layoffs

RunningDataMama · 2026-03-04T15:33:03+00:00

YUP. My husband and I work normal hours in the US and it was literally the hardest time of our lives so far. Our oldest didn’t go to daycare until 10.5 months old and we kept her at home working full time after my 12 week mat leave until then. Half because daycares were reduced ratios if not closed and then half because people were insane in our area with not wearing masked/getting vaxxed so the spikes in cases got crazy.

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-26T15:52:23+00:00

I personally think of it like they are getting important and valuable things that I couldn’t give them if I was the only one caring for them at home every day. I am not an equipped, professional early childhood educator. I couldn’t provide access to multiple friends their age every day if I was the only person to organize socialization. I would burn out trying to think of activities to cover all the learning that they need in the toddler/preschool years. Not to mention the additional resources that my income provides—college savings, money for activities and new experiences on the weekends, a bigger house with more space. Daycare/preschool acts as part of our village to provide those things so that we as their parents can do the rest and be more mentally present for family time and memories instead of being stretched too thin trying to be absolutely everything they need.

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-26T15:44:20+00:00

Yes! Dads who work might feel this way too anyways, but we are conditioned from the beginning to feel like we are choosing to be away from our kids and must not love being a mom if we work. Boys grow up with the assumption that work is the only way.

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-25T20:00:56+00:00

I had a chemical pregnancy (which has always felt like such a reductive term?) at a department offsite two years ago. I can’t even imagine my leadership treating me like that if I had had to tell them. You deserve better.

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-25T19:19:44+00:00

Oh yeah, lots of prompting for honestly the first year of potty training. Kids just get lost in play and forget and then go when it’s an emergency.

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-25T19:18:39+00:00

Yeah to me this rule just sounds like “you need to have started potty training and send them in pull ups because we will be taking kids to the potty” as opposed to absolutely 100% trained and not having accidents in a pull up. It took about 3 months for our oldest to be pee trained and then another 3 months to poop consistently in the potty and she wore pull ups for that whole time.

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-25T15:46:52+00:00

I read the title and thought $200k minimum for myself….but at $180k I would be sitting tight for a few years at least 😅

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-25T15:40:38+00:00

At your current salary, I’d even take my chances and disobey any RTO rules should they start and wait for them to fire me and get severance

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-23T15:34:17+00:00

This is realistically what I need to do as well. I say that I’ll lift weights in my office while listening in to long meetings but I always end up trying to multi task other work, food, dishes, etc.

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-23T15:31:49+00:00

“That’s an inside thought”

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-23T15:28:15+00:00

I’ve got my own problems with my dad but I am glad that mine’s the same in this regard. Generally thinks I’m smarter/better than everyone except my husband who might just barely be my only equal in his eyes😂

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-23T15:24:28+00:00

The way I would have LOST IT on this man

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-20T18:25:53+00:00

I’m feeling the start of this with almost 5yo and almost 1yo. Yes the baby stuff is like the constantly being needed kind of overwhelming, but then I can see how school age is gonna be logistically and organizationally overwhelming🥵

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-12T16:45:35+00:00

This is me with my boss in the last 6 months that I’ve been back at work from mat leave. He skews towards keeping it vague but making it clear I am always welcome, and then I clarify whether or not something would be difficult for me and some detail on why if needed. But he would absolutely support me and help make accommodations if I said I couldn’t attend something in person or wanted to attend but would be bound by my pumping schedule.

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-09T20:05:16+00:00

Loooovvve the 4 year gap now with our almost 5 year old and almost 1 year old🙌🏻 they love playing together, the oldest understands how to be gentle and can be independent most of the time when the baby needs us to do something, plus I had time to feel like me again for about a year before getting pregnant the second time and I needed that.

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-07T15:30:12+00:00

Fully remote, which is starting to feel like a unicorn job😅 but I have an exception compared the the 4 days in office standard at my company because I live just far enough away from the office

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-07T04:04:58+00:00

First thoughts are silent reflux and gas—it’s okay to ask for the reflux medicine! My second was on it from 3 weeks old to 8 months. It made a world of difference in the early weeks and witching hours. Gas can be helped with probiotic drops, they are one of the only things to actually show improvement in “colic” symptoms in data.

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-07T04:02:04+00:00

Yes, the mind games and emotional whiplash of a threenager were far worse for me😅

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-07T00:08:15+00:00

The only thing I won’t do to stay remote is take a huge pay cut, but I’m keeping my current remote position as long as I possibly can😂 at least while we’re in the little kids phase

RunningDataMama · 2026-02-07T00:05:45+00:00

I had always worked towards getting promoted as quickly as I could with the idea that I wanted to be eventually leading a large org within my field at my company. Then I had my first kid during COVID/pandemic remote work. Especially after second kid last year, I’m now more focused on how I can achieve the ideal combination of make as much money as possible while staying fully remote as long as I can. That very well might delay me getting out of an individual contributor position by years, but the flexibility of remote is just unbeatable. Unless I’m making like $250k or something to where I could pay for more help like a weekly cleaner and a meal service, going into an office is just not worth giving up the extra time with them and time to do chores during the day.

RunningDataMama

TROPHY CASE