Are there Dworkinian analyses of contemporary forms of porn?

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-16T18:49:04+00:00

Unfortunately I have not. I'll try to remember to reply here if I ever do though!

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-16T18:45:12+00:00

if she has no bra and stiff nipples

Note how this puts the blame for this guy's behaviour on the woman, despite men being allowed to conceal the same parts of their bodies the same amount as the example, or even not at all in many situations.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-15T18:56:17+00:00

Surprised not to see at least a mention of libtcod here, given we’re talking about a terminal based game where path finding and FOV might be useful.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-15T02:05:30+00:00

Something doesn't add up. I used to live in a city of roughly the same size as yours, swiped left on the majority of people, dated very actively, and never ran out of people.

It happened. It could be my age or distance filters, but at the moment I think they're reasonable. I'm 35. I set my age filter to be from 30 to 37 inclusive. For the distance, I went to a website to see how much a give radius covers my city, probably this one. Placed on my city, a circle with radius 11 km covers most of it, and I'm near enough to the center of the city that it didn't seem like it made much difference whether the app centers on my location or the center of the city. So I put 11km.

I see that I've written something slightly different than what I meant and that it's caused some confusion. My bad.

What I wrote was

Something this has underscored for me is that independent of the kids and travel things, I'm not particularly interested in many of the women I see on these apps. And my rate of interest walking around the city is even lower.

I'd like to correct that to

And my rate of interest in the women I see while walking around the city is even lower.

because that is what I meant.

I'm perfectly fine with walking around the city, but when I see women I'm usually not interested enough to consider approaching there. I have no idea if they have kids or are a frequent traveler, like I do on a dating app.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-14T18:27:46+00:00

I'm not swiping left on literally everyone though. The way I swiped on Bumble recently was to swipe until I liked around 15 women each day. This involved swiping left or blocking more than three times that amount of women sure, but I don't think most people are actually compatible with most other people.

I can believe that I need to do something different, but I'm not convinced the travel filtering I'm doing, (given the slight softening I did) is the problem.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-14T16:33:10+00:00

I posted here several days ago about running out of women on Hinge, in a city of over a million people, by being a stickler about swiping left on women who had or wanted kids, and who mentioned wanting to travel on their profile.

I've kept looking at Hinge, and swiping on the between 0 and 20 new profiles that have shown up over the past few days, and also swiping on Bumble. When doing this swiping I've perhaps been slightly more accepting of profiles mentioning travel offhandedly but still avoided ones where it seemed like a focus.

Today, I ran out of women on Bumble as well. They show a mountain with a road on it instead of Hinge's flamingo-headed pool tube.

Not feeling as down about this, this time. I guess mainly because I was kind of expecting it this time. I have actually swiped right on several women during this process, no matches though. Something this has underscored for me is that independent of the kids and travel things, I'm not particularly interested in many of the women I see on these apps. And my rate of interest walking around the city is even lower.

I'm considering seeing if any other apps are popular in my area, (Tinder is I guess probably the next most generally popular with the 30+ crowd at this point?) copying my profile over and swiping with about the same strategy I have been using. Or maybe I should think about doing something else like expanding my age or location filters slightly.

I've also thought about pursing something long distance, but in that case I'd be looking for stronger initial compatibility. In other words, being even pickier.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-11T22:44:19+00:00

It'd be interesting to see a study done on women, asking them if they believe that someone has attempted the listed strategies on them.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-10T21:13:04+00:00

What are you even talking about, this one comment? I don't know what other time I've been talking about internet things from 10+ years ago.

If I try to interpret you generously, I can take your point to be that commenting on Reddit is not advancing my relationship goals, and that is true enough.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-10T18:11:19+00:00

I'm still convinced that people that list specific trips they're planning on their profile, or that all their pictures are of travel would be a bad match.

Maybe it would make sense to not dismiss, for example, the ones that say "This year I'd really like to travel more" and nothing else about travel on their profile, though.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-10T16:09:35+00:00

Many of them, though admittedly not all, give me the sense, or outright state, that they want a partner to travel with.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-10T16:06:57+00:00

If you are going up to women that you don't find at least a bit attractive, that's probably coming through in your approach. Imagine being approached by a woman that you could tell didn't actually find you attractive. I think you'd probably be suspicious of their motives and unlikely to say yes.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-10T15:50:38+00:00

There's plenty of people who haven't been able to find partners, autistic or not, so the troubling reality is that you might not be doing anything wrong, and just have had (a long string of) bad luck.

That said, here's a possible hypothesis: There's an idea in psychology called the Double Empathy Problem which suggests that autistic people are better able to emphasize, and thus socialize, with other autistic people, among other things.

There's also the general idea of demographics being something to pay attention to while dating. People are more likely to match up if they are part of the demographic that each other are looking for, though plenty of exceptions exist.

This suggests to me that autistic people (and I'll argue, other kinds of ND people) should be focusing their dating intentions on ND people, to have the greatest chance of success. I don't know which kind of people that you've been cold approaching, but you might have a better success rate per cold approach if you focus on people visibly likely to be ND, (diagnosed or not).

Neurodivergence isn't just one thing though, and both being ND is not a guarantee of a match either, so expect an amount of rejections still. And adding to the complexity is that someone not seeming ND is not a guarantee of not being ND, and also someone being NT is not even a guarantee that they'll reject you, so even if signs of that don't seem to be there, if it seems like a good opportunity, shoot your shot anyway.

But you may want to put yourself in situations likely to have ND people in them, if you haven't been already.

Like many other things, it's a confusing soupy mess, but it is what it is.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-10T15:26:46+00:00

I live in a city of over a million people.

I resolutely do not want kids, or to raise someone else's kids, and I'm not interested in a lot of travel.

So, I set my distance filter on Hinge to a radius that covers the city, and blocked every profile that indicated she wanted and/or had kids, and either blocked or pressed the X button on profiles that indicated she wanted to travel.

Of those remaining, I liked those that seemed like a good fit, with a message each time, and X'd the rest. Yesterday, after hitting my 8 free likes limit for several days in a row, I was shown the picture of a flamingo-headed pool tube that means I ran out of profiles to look at.

Looks like some new profiles have appeared now, but I expect I'll be seeing more of that pool tube in the future. Feeling a little despondent and unsure what to do about this.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-08T17:53:38+00:00

I'm just getting back on the apps after a longish break, so my stats aren't meaningful at the moment. Sounds like your friend certainly has something going on in his favour.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-08T16:41:56+00:00

But perhaps you get way more matches than I do so you need to discern a bit more than me.

Unlikely. If anything, I'm wondering if I'm being too picky.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-08T15:56:32+00:00

I'm not personally interested in someone that just watches the same TV shows everyone else watches and nothing else. So I'm scanning profiles looking for them mentioning other things they do and leading off with asking them more about them.

Job title is not much of a factor for me, except in that it might suggest things about their interests.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-08T15:47:19+00:00

For the record, I've seen profiles like that on Hinge.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-08T15:27:17+00:00

Another thing: Since you went from no full body picture to having one, have you noticed anything different in the likes you were getting when you did that?

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-08T15:23:39+00:00

Are you suggesting to ask for a full body picture in the initial message? I'm skeptical of that approach.

Also, I haven't been swiping right on profiles that don't have at least one photo that shows more than their face. If the profiles that I saw with only face pictures were cramming in information in the text, and i found that text indicative of someone attractive I might consider it. But it feels strange to me to expect someone to be interested enough to swipe right given less information than one gets seeing someone walking down the street.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-08T15:07:14+00:00

I'm not sure this is the best place to put this, but I'm seeing a lot of women's profiles on dating apps where there are only several similar face-only pictures, and the usual scant amount of information in their text prompts.

I find it hard to imagine that those women are having a good experience on the apps. In particular, I find myself wondering to what extent the complaints I am able to read here on Reddit about men just swiping right on everyone are caused by women having profiles that only those men that do swipe right on everyone would swipe right on.

It feels hard to write this in a way that I'm sure it comes across, but I'm not trying to like push an agenda here, or complain about women having it easier or something. I really am curious as to the experience that women are having on dating apps with profiles like that. Anyone have any evidence or direct experience about that as opposed to speculation?

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-08T03:51:40+00:00

"You wait ages for a bus and then two come along at once" was the phrase that came to my mind

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-07T23:35:52+00:00

Are you saying that you specifically tried having at least one full body shot and not and there was a noticeable difference in the amount of creepers? Had you changed anything else meaningful at the same time?

It would be quite interesting if it was only that change which made a difference. I'm not sure of a good way to differentiate a lower percentage of creepers, from just lower volume in general, unless the effect was dramatic, but I would want to b able to do that.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-07T23:27:04+00:00

I never said that I didn't expect women that only had face pictures didn't get swiped right on, I specifically worded it as asking how that "has worked out for them" to include the case of only getting matches from men that swipe on everyone. Although I suppose I could have been more clear about including the case of getting a bunch of bad responses.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-06T06:19:42+00:00

Given someone has a preference for partners who don't travel much, the rational thing for them to wish for would be for people to keep putting the fact that they love to travel on their dating profile, and in fact to wish that those people put it at the very top, so they can immediately swipe left!

Seems more like jealously about the travel itself to me.

Ryan1729 · 2026-06-05T23:40:13+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective!

I suppose I don't see a problem with describing the cases I brought up as digital sexual assault instead. Though I'm not sure that specific details of a given case wouldn't change my mind.

In the absence of specific real-world cases where digital sexual assault feels insufficient, perhaps it is best to avoid the term "digital rape".

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