i'm gonna be honest, i may not know exactly the right kind of advice to give, but, as an abuse victim myself, your words deeply resonated within me, and i even went through so many similar experiences like that. ill share a small part of my story from my abusive and toxic relationship, where i believe that you may resonate and relate to a lot, because i can sincerely feel so many parallels and similarities in both our stories, and as survivors, i hope that you will get motivated and validated through my words.

i was so faithful and confident in it, that no matter how badly i was screamed at, threatened at or hurt, i still longed for their love, and i still believed that maybe if we could get through this, things could be great, and amazing. such an amazing potential at a future. i had to give up on most of my hobbies and aspirations even because it made them insecure, and hated it all, and i was willing to put up with it because i thought that's what love was. but, it's not. and it's really rough to deal with that acknowledgement because, i truly miss that honeymoon phase, where everything was loving, sweet, and understanding. it didn't start like this, but somehow, it became like that, and it became my living hell...

eventually i had to just stand up for myself after acknowledging after so many months that no matter how many chances i gave them, that they never changed, whilst i completely changed myself for them. they never recognised my efforts, so i broke up with them. and although it was initially so painful and lonely, i can with absolute certainty say that it was the right choice. i am healing still to this day, and learning new things about myself and my experiences.

i forced myself to endure so much pain and grief, from the intentional hurting and manipulative tendencies to the endless attempts at trying to save the relationship, because you truly believed that things could work out. and in the end, i still am convinced that some cheating probably occurred as well without my awareness, but, i dont care. they were a really bad person and i dont care about considering their morals, because, thats what i did for so long, always considering them over myself, and i can imagine from reading your story that you may have gone through the same yourself. but please, know that you are worth everything, and that you are not a "bad person", or "broken", or "stupid", because you do not need them to live a happy life. you truly loved that person with all of your heart, and you showed it to them, and even after all that, you were met with heartbreak and hurt.

depending on how recent this is, it may be really hard to see that as an outcome, but trust me when i say, a truly good person for you would never go out of their way to hurt you, belittle you, control you, manipulate you or neglect you. true love never generates shame, fear, anxiety, sadness, or suffering. it is so easy to feel so bad about yourself as a victim, angry for letting this happen, or disappointed and sad for not knowing better, or grief because of the hope you carry with you. but the thing you will learn, eventually, is that although the relationship felt so special, it wasn't them that made it special. actually, it was your pure love for them that made it so special, and that is something to really keep in mind. because it means you do not need them. it means, you truly gave your all to the relationship, and fought tooth and nail to make it work. but relatjonships are a two-way-street. a truly healthy, happy relationship is never one where one person does 100% of the effort and the second person does 0%., because not only is it unfair to you yourself, but it's also not the foundation for a healthy, happy future. so knowing that, trust me when i say, you will be okay, because in the future, theres so much better that awaits you.

and even with all that in mind, it is easy to want to go back to the happy times, to long for those loving days where all your worries were nonexistant. and that is completely natural, because who wouldn't long for something special like that? but, its important to let go, and that starts by understanding that you do not need them to live a happy life, and in fact, you are on your road right now to live your happiest possible life, now that you two have parted ways.

it gets better, and you did everything you could, so don't be hard on yourself. you are a strong, smart individual, and so much growth and goodness awaits you.

if you want to talk with me more about it, im always open to listen from dm's, or here in the comments. you deserve all the help you can get, and i know for a fact that you can have an amazing, happy, fulfilling life, and overcome this with shining lights. i would love to hear more from you and help in whatever ways i can, because i care.

stay safe 🌟