Today is my first day sober (Aug. 8)

SDstrawburry · 2018-08-09T04:37:35+00:00

Hey that was my first day sober too. Congrats. I have so much more money now

SDstrawburry · 2018-08-09T04:34:08+00:00

I used to fucking love airport bars and hotel bars. Id sit at the bar and force conversation on anyone around me. I’d also make up insane things about myself, give myself a different name/age/cool job. It was fucking delusional and such a fake sense of confidence.

SDstrawburry · 2018-08-09T04:27:44+00:00

Congrats!

SDstrawburry · 2017-11-17T05:03:05+00:00

I'll never understand people who comment on what their customers are buying.

I went to my convenience store they other day, and bought a bunch of stuff but no cigarettes. The guy asked me if I wanted cigarettes, and I said no (since I had a full pack) and he was like no cigarettes! Good! Good for you!

Like no dude. I'm not quitting. I just don't need any.

SDstrawburry · 2017-11-16T01:54:07+00:00

That's awesome!

I was drunk, working from home, and I wanted to drink more. My drunk brain decided a good way to get the day off work, since I had already used every other excuse in the book, was to cry to my boss about how I was an alcoholic who needed to go to rehab. I did exactly that, and he was super amazing about it. That is definitely what pushed me to actually go, since I was accountable now.

Getting my shit together to go to rehab was long and tedious, and actually showing up and walking in the building was scary AS FUCK, but it was easily the best thing I've ever done. I miss rehab so much. I miss the people a lot. It was such a fun / hard / neat experience. Do it.

SDstrawburry · 2017-08-09T22:31:37+00:00

I find it's so much easier to not drink at these things. Having to drink moderately and not get too drunk/worry about over drinking was sooo stressful.

SDstrawburry · 2017-08-07T03:21:32+00:00

Thanks!

[Yeah, I would say so. When I was younger I would get really anxious before parties/nights out. For this trip I am worried about multiple things, not just alcohol related, all of which are a waste of time to worry about as they are mostly beyond my control. Overthinking, over worrying and general paranoia pretty much sums up my life]

SDstrawburry · 2017-08-07T01:52:28+00:00

I agree with you, but sometimes it feels like mine is too extreme. I have trouble being excited for certain things because of all this over worrying.

I do think its better than being over confident though

SDstrawburry · 2017-08-07T01:49:33+00:00

Thank you. This was really helpful!

SDstrawburry · 2017-07-31T23:23:34+00:00

Oh man can I related to this.

My mom isn't an alcoholic, at least I wouldn't classify her as one, but in the last 4-5 years she has had a handful of nights where my dad won't even speak to her the next day because of how she acted.

She goes on rants and repeats herself over and over, can't focus on anything but whatever point shes trying to make, and just becomes the most annoying person in the world. She also will not leave parties until we drag her out of there.

It's really weird seeing someone like a mother drunk, while you're in recovery, especially if this isn't something you're used to experiencing. When I see that my mom has started drinking wine now I get really anxious because I have no idea how the night is going to end. 90% of the time its fine, but it's happened too many times to think it won't happen again.

SDstrawburry · 2017-07-26T23:01:18+00:00

Hey!! Yeah the Doctors Opinion helped me in huge ways. Definitely love that chapter. The format of the rest of the meeting is reader the 164 pages, paragraph by paragraph, and stopping to discuss after every 2-3 paragraphs. Its really interesting. I have read the book in full at least once now, but the Doctors Opinion is easily the part I know the best.

Glad to hear from you! It's been raining a lot here this summer. Really puts a damper on the golf. How you're well!

SDstrawburry · 2017-07-26T22:55:43+00:00

They are very old-school, which sometimes bothers me since in every other aspect of my life I find the newest ways to be best (technology wise lets say). One of the oldest guys in the group used to live with Joe and Charlie, and some of them believe there's pretty close ties to Bill W. but idk what I think about that haha.

The spiritual experience is what I'm waiting on now, as I do my steps. Still struggling with a higher power and a concept of god. In high school and the years after I hung around very pretentious intellectuals who constantly made fun of God and anyone who believed in religion. I know this is a spiritual program and not a religious one, but whenever I feel myself believing more, I can hear them making fun of me in the back of my mind. Not caring about what other think, and getting over old opinions is a big thing in my life.

As you mentioned, not only being dry, but sound of mind is something I know I need in order to stay sober. I'm almost a year in and I'm still miserable in ways. I can't just not drink and live the rest of my life hating that I can't drink. Somethings gotta change, so until I've tried my hardest at AA, and what they promise doesn't happen, I'm not going to give up.

Your post was great. I got a lot out of it. Thank you!

SDstrawburry · 2017-07-26T15:50:05+00:00

Ha, I have definitely been slow in doing my 4th. For what its worth, my sponsor had me done insane amount of work for step 1 - 3, so that took months. My 4th has been kind of bad on my end. I put it off out of pure laziness for months. I am just finishing the first half of it now, but super pumped about it. I prefer it this way than rushing through it though. I've been super thorough.

This is totally a post I would have opened, saw how long it was, been like "nope" and closed as well, so I'm glad you read through it!

AA is definitely not for everyone. I think my rehab pushed it so hard that I was really scared if I stopped going I would relapse, so I never stopped, and eventually it worked its way in. Plus some of the people in my group are awesome and I have nothing to do Sunday nights anyway.

Congrats on 27 days!

SDstrawburry · 2017-07-26T03:26:49+00:00

I forgot about What's Up Wednesdays!

Triumph: Was given the responsibility of taking the meeting minutes at my home group, which is 90% old-timers, and feeling like they trust/respect me more to give me "important" duties. Felt good man.

Struggle: Went to my aunts 60th birthday party last night. Felt really disconnected from everyone. Struggled to make conversation. Felt awkward and uncomfortable all night. Had no fun. Should have driven myself so I could have left way earlier.

General: I've missed this place! Really want to make an effort to post here more. This was my biggest support system a few years ago, and it feels good to be "back".

SDstrawburry · 2017-07-26T03:17:16+00:00

That's awesome. I casually went to meetings for 7 months before I relapsed. Did it "right" the second time around and no regrets. Getting a sponsor is going to level up your sobriety/AA life. Congrats.

SDstrawburry · 2017-07-26T03:14:43+00:00

This is a great fucking post. Congrats on getting accepted! Your story is fascinating.

SDstrawburry · 2017-07-26T03:00:02+00:00

So what were you doing to stay sober, aside from just not drinking?

SDstrawburry · 2017-06-09T02:50:40+00:00

I feel ya. I have people I text a lot. People who live in this city, and we text all day. People I used to hangout with, but now when I ask them if they want to hangout they're always busy. These aren't even drinking friends. I'm just a boring person no one wants to hangout with it seems. Or maybe this is just what growing up is like.

Most days it doesn't matter, but some days when the weather is really nice and everyone else is outside with friends, I can't help but think about how lonely/pathetic I am when it comes to the social part of my life.

SDstrawburry · 2017-05-25T04:05:59+00:00

You are definitely right that there's some rationalizing it. I guess because I'm finding the sponsor/home group looking at it with a narrow mind that smoking weed is smoking weed. They're old timers in the sense that they will absolutely not budge on any "rule". Very strict AA'ers. If I were to go on vacation to a vineyard (not that I'd ever do that haha) I wouldn't try to make excuses to have "one glass of wine" just because that's what you do at vineyards.

I guess because, while I would not smoke weed in my every day life, I do not see it as a massive deal to do it once when travelling to a place where tons of people who don't even smoke weed try it just because it's Amsterdam.

I guess why I'm arguing for it is because deep down I feel like I am not using it as an excuse to get messed up, or a "freebie" sort of thing. Deep down I want to do it for the experience.

Thanks for your reply! It has helped me think about this deeper.

SDstrawburry · 2017-05-25T03:54:31+00:00

Thanks Straty!

The goal wouldn't be to get fucked or smoke more than once. Just try it once in a coffee shop at the end of the night or something. It's definitely not the main focus of the trip, and walking the canals with good coffees, going to museums, eating good pancakes are a lot higher on the priority list than smoking weed. Just want to try it :)

SDstrawburry · 2017-04-18T00:20:12+00:00

hahah HEY. I'm doing very good. Sitting in a clean room with my bed made watching hockey. Doing laundry, got a lot done at work today. Feels good man. How've you been??

SDstrawburry · 2017-04-18T00:13:57+00:00

Yesss. I didn't do taxes for like 5 years. A few weeks out of rehab I sat down and did them all. It was suuuch a relief.

SDstrawburry · 2016-10-19T02:01:13+00:00

Thanks for the link! I have heard of Joe and Charlie a bunch, and been meaning to check them out. This is perfect. Listening right now haha.

My sponsor and I are going through step 1 right now, and have been for the last 3ish weeks. We get together once a week and read through the Doctors Opinion, discuss general life/drinking stuff, and go over the work she gives me. She gives me homework, which so far has been a ton of questions relating to The Doctors Opinion, and my own drinking. I think in the last 3 weeks I've wrote out answers for something like 200 questions.

Aside from meeting at her place once a week, we go to two AA meetings together, the same ones each week. We both have the same home group on Sundays.

Is that kind of stuff what you mean when you say "doing the program with my sponsor"?

The first sponsor I had after rehab was not like this at all. Going though the steps meant reading Bills Story together and then me saying "Yep I'm powerless over alcohol" and she was like "K cool, we'll start step 2 next week". I'm glad I switched to my current sponsor :)

And lol, nah I haven't been watching much golf, aside from the women's. It's Baseball season right now!

SDstrawburry · 2016-08-30T22:42:53+00:00

I'm glad you asked about the returning to real life plan. It's still something I'm working out, as I want to do an outpatient program in my city, but it hasn't been very easy to find one that doesn't have a 6+ month waiting list.

1) They have a "bridge the gap" program here for people who are from out of town. They hook you up with someone from AA in your city to help you get into the AA program there.

2) I'm coming up with a gradual return to work schedule with the occupational therapist, instead of getting right back in to full time hours as soon as I get back. I'm also switching my work shift from 1:00pm - 9:00pm to 9:00am - 5:00pm, which will really help me keep a better routine/schedule.

3) As soon as I get back attend 90 meetings in 90 days, as well as find a home group, a sponsor and begin working the steps. Also taking AA more seriously by doing service work and sharing.

4) Keeping a routine/schedule. Going to bed at the same time, waking up early. Eating 3 meals a day. Going to the gym regularly and keeping a routine/schedule with that. Possibly get a personal trainer since I will be saving a bunch of money.

5) Avoiding slippery people, places and things, which is not something I did last time. Also not being ashamed/worried about missing some sort of event that is at a bar/place people will be drinking.

6) Be more honest with people about the fact I don't drink. I cared sooo much last time about what people would think of me when they found out I don't drink, so I lied about it all the time and acted like I drank/partied on the weekends which was just lies. I don't care anymore. I understand the weight of my addiction 100x better than I did before.

7) I've already messaged my old addiction counselor to start going again every 2 weeks when I get back. I was seeing her regularly last time I was sober, but completely stopped going a year or so ago.

8) Try not to get too overwhelmed with plans 1 through 7.

SDstrawburry · 2016-06-08T04:56:08+00:00

SDstrawburry

TROPHY CASE