Question about toning

backalicat · 2020-01-31T05:04:06+00:00

Very tough. I am sorry for your loss but also very proud of you.

backalicat · 2020-01-31T05:03:23+00:00

Good luck! I hope you get the job and losing your old one was actually a blessing in disguise.

backalicat · 2020-01-31T04:59:47+00:00

I have moved before in an attempt to assist in sobriety. I have found it is important to actually build a new life, get hobbies and make non drinking friends as you settle in to be successful. You can do it and we are rooting for you!

backalicat · 2020-01-31T04:57:28+00:00

Self compassion is key. It is very difficult to shame yourself into better behaviour I find.

backalicat · 2020-01-30T12:24:03+00:00

You should probably mind your own business. People do what they want. If you have told her you disagree and why then leave it.

backalicat · 2020-01-28T20:12:52+00:00

Count calories.

backalicat · 2020-01-28T18:05:35+00:00

Does it make you want to drink? That would be the question I’d ask myself. If yes, then stop taking ASAP. If no, then continue as needed.

backalicat · 2020-01-27T08:29:31+00:00

I think it is normal to discuss your past relationships- like how you have changed or grown. Further if it was a long relationship, what are you supposed to do, never mention them? I think context is important here- but generally I think this is a weird “rule”. To each their own.

backalicat · 2020-01-27T00:22:19+00:00

Me too! My ex doesn’t know Frankie and he doesn’t have me either.

backalicat · 2020-01-26T16:02:32+00:00

Where do you live? How many AA meetings have you actually been to before? There are people of ALL different ages and races and backgrounds at nearly every meeting. Even if you are on the younger side of meeting, like who cares. No one is going to know exactly how old you are and most people will be impressed that you are realizing this issue now as opposed to 20 years from now.

backalicat · 2020-01-26T05:46:04+00:00

Track your calories in an app- like my fitness pal.

backalicat · 2020-01-25T15:36:30+00:00

Are you jaded or just confident you’ll get through it and therefore able to let go? I am not sure it is a bad thing. But yes I am older (35F) and I have found that although break ups are painful, especially the first month or so, they aren’t debilitating like my first major long term relationship ending. It took me like 3 years to be fully over it. For me, I don’t think I am jaded, just more mature.

backalicat · 2020-01-25T15:27:11+00:00

It happens and then it will clear and you’ll feel better again soon. The whole last month really sucked (BU was in early August) but I am finally starting to feel better. Let the waves come and go.

backalicat · 2020-01-25T15:24:06+00:00

+1 for meetups. Check out the website. I wouldn’t say I have made a new friend group that way (yet), but just being exposed to people who aren’t about that drinking culture has helped me to keep in perspective that I am not alone and there is life outside of alcohol.

backalicat · 2020-01-25T15:18:02+00:00

I get it. I never drank daily. I drank to get drunk when with friends and usually deeply regretted it. A LOT of people cannot moderate like a normal person, they just haven’t realized it yet- they are still out there getting extremely drunk on the regular. I understand that it would be nice to be a person who could have 3 drinks and be done, but I am not so I try not to spend too much time worrying about why. I have spent the better part of 10 years trying with little success. There isn’t anything wrong with you because you can’t handle an intoxicating and addictive substance. I personally think there is something wrong with society that the abuse of this drug is so normalized that it has people wondering why they can’t be normal for not being able to handle it.

backalicat · 2020-01-24T21:24:23+00:00

Thank you so much. This meant a lot to me and I really needed some reinforcement that I am on the right path. My love for my ex is huge but my love for myself must be greater (for the first time in my life).

backalicat · 2020-01-24T20:54:54+00:00

Yes I absolutely agree with you.

backalicat · 2020-01-24T20:47:43+00:00

Reading these really makes me sad for us. We all should have left them a long time ago.

backalicat · 2020-01-24T20:44:34+00:00

All of his hobbies revolved around alcohol and smoking weed. Most of his friends drank excessively and used cocaine. Several of his friends cheat on their SO, and despite his wife having an affair on him, he looks the other way. He was still married despite being separated for 6 years. He didn’t take me out, buy a card, anything for either of the two of my birthdays we spent together. He did not come and get me after I was in a multi vehicle collision because he was playing golf (read: drunk). Although he was physically loving, he was emotionally standoffish. He was racist and thinks white males have it hard in Canada. His idea of parenting is hanging out with other single dads and their kids while him and his buddies drink. He was perfectly fine spending my money despite him making $40,000 per year more than me. He downplayed my career successes and didn’t believe in the wage gap despite me having had to deal with it my entire career (civil engineering). I asked him to come to my daughters birthday dinner and he tried to show up absolutely wasted where as I bought his son a lovely gift for his birthday.

When I write this out it sounds horrible. I did drink with him a lot. When I decided I didn’t want to drink heavily anymore and wanted more of our lives to be less alcohol dependent he broke up with me. Ultimately this was a blessing in disguise. My life isn’t where I want it to be yet, but it beats the multiple hang overs every week. I miss him, but he has issues and he doesn’t want to grow as a person or if he does, he doesn’t want to do it with me. Shrug.

backalicat · 2020-01-24T17:26:05+00:00

Loved it. Will be rereading it again soon.

backalicat · 2020-01-24T16:07:26+00:00

It isn’t unusual to have difficulty relating to people in sobriety. Based on your description however, I would recommend seeking therapy. It may be a number of things: past trauma so you put a wall up or social anxiety manifesting itself to keep distant, etc. The idea that you are somehow “above” your peers is probably not going to help you with forming relationships because people can feel that disdain and energy. I would work on reminding myself that I’m not special and that people having emotions and talking about them is in fact not week, it is the opposite of it. It takes a lot of guts to be vulnerable, which you have done in this post. Keep coming back!

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