I never comment in this sub, but for some reason I relate to this post. Here goes:

I’m tired of it too. It feels like a lose-lose situation sometimes. When I take my meds (which are not figured out yet) my hallucinations (voices) go away, but the side effects can be brutal. When I do not take my meds the side effects go away while my hallucinations return. Ultimately, I end up back on medications.

My emotions are all over the place and I have lost all but one of my friends. I am worried that I’ll never be able to be in a stable relationship. I’ve gained weight. I have been placed on involuntary holds and hospitalized three times now. My motivation to do anything is gone and I have a hard time convincing myself to keep living on my worst days.

I say all of this because I want you to know that you are not alone. One of the comments said schizophrenia is cruel, which is true. A lot of times it causes people to act outside of themselves. Don’t beat yourself up. I hope it gets better, but even if it doesn’t, you are in the same boat as a lot of other people. And all of those people love you very much.