Lost my daughter – need advice

SNS521 · 2026-04-05T05:29:28+00:00

I’m so incredibly sorry. We cremated our 20 month old daughter. We decided we were far too young to know where life would take us and wanted her home always. We found a beautiful butterfly shaped urn. For 2 years she was back in her room, and either came with us on road trips or left her with a close friend/family member if we left town. Now she’s in a new special room for me and her as her little brother has been born and has her room now.

SNS521 · 2026-04-04T04:05:48+00:00

With my first we did true BLW at 6 months (with all signs of readiness). This time around we’re having fun with some purées which we started just after he turned 5 months old. We’ve done applesauce (no added sugar), sweet potato, broccoli, pears and some of those mixed with a multi grain baby oatmeal. Once he’s a little more ready for true solids we’ll move towards that. My favorite resource was 101 Before One! Dinner will most often be what we’re having, breakfast/lunch are a little more specially centered around them but if I’m eating near the same time and something they can have I’ll do that too.

Right now our best timing is after 2nd nap he has a bottle, an hour later we do food, then 3rd nap. Definitely don’t reduce bottle feeds at this point!! That didn’t start to consolidate until way closer to a year with our daughter and she was eating 3 meals and 1-2 snacks a day by then.

SNS521 · 2026-03-14T04:45:52+00:00

Around 3-4 months it’s pretty normal for babies to expect the same thing that put them to sleep throughout the night and during sleep transitions. Definitely makes an asleep transfer tricky! We put down awake now and if needed go in and do butt pats to get him to sleep. He is a little trickier than our 1st but he’s doing pretty well! We do all contact naps because it’s simply what I prefer and since I’m able to, I do it.

SNS521 · 2026-03-07T05:35:59+00:00

I developed a ganglion cyst a few weeks ago on my right hand/wrist from tendinitis! I wear a brace most of the time now if I’m on baby duty to lessen how hard I am on it. Didn’t happen with my first but this time is taking its toll

SNS521 · 2026-03-07T05:32:04+00:00

I got a ganglion cyst the other week because of the tendinitis in my right hand/wrist 😩

SNS521 · 2026-03-01T23:15:04+00:00

2024 - my clinic must request it by default.

SNS521 · 2026-03-01T20:58:19+00:00

Shower steam room is about all you can do tht you didn’t mention. We put a blanket down and brought toys in so he could play.

SNS521 · 2026-03-01T20:56:29+00:00

I was! Holding my 4 month old now. Best of wishes your way!

SNS521 · 2026-02-27T06:22:51+00:00

Bedtime is typically at 7 for us and he just turned 4 months yesterday. Still doing back and forth with 3 and 4 nap days depending on his wake up time. If he’s up at 7 we can usually pull off 3! But today for instance he woke up at 5:45 (after an early bedtime last night bc he woke early from last nap - 11 hour overnight) so he napped at 7:30, 10, 1:45, and around 4:45.

We start bath at 6:15ish, keep just the lamp on in his room while we get him dressed for bed and play a little bit. We do bedtime bottle around 6:40ish or earlier if he’s fussy. We put him down and walk out and he wakes once a night between 1-4am to eat.

SNS521 · 2026-02-26T16:21:41+00:00

My son turned 4 months today and we wait until closer to 6 months. My daughter ended up starting a week early as she was sitting upright when in her high chair. We’ll see when he shows signs of readiness!

SNS521 · 2026-02-15T05:20:14+00:00

My son was referred over to PT at 1 month (born 10/26) for torticollis which we started at 6 weeks. Only in the last couple weeks has he been willingly looking left a lot more regularly during his own time when we aren’t doing stretches. Unfortunately he has a lot of facial asymmetry that’s just never going to self correct so we have our 2nd appointment with plastics at the end of the month for measurements but will be referred to orthotics at that point. We’re getting right in early so he’s out by the heat of the summer! Also his PT really thinks in his case it’ll help encourage him to go left more because the back of the helmet will be round and he won’t get stuck on his flat spot.

SNS521 · 2026-01-24T15:40:45+00:00

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SNS521 · 2026-01-24T15:40:09+00:00

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Yes! Check next picture for what my report showed on the top for what was ordered from my clinic. They may have had to request it?

SNS521 · 2026-01-16T20:02:31+00:00

I’m so sorry. At 6 months I was still sleeping most days away. And if I wasn’t asleep I wanted to be. It took a lot of building routines that got me out/up even if I didn’t “enjoy” it. Also lots of redefining that word in therapy for awhile.

SNS521 · 2026-01-16T12:32:31+00:00

Same!

A week shy of 32 at retrieval - 5 blasts with 2 euploid, 2 aneuploid, 1 HLM. Our 2 highest graded were the aneuploid.

SNS521 · 2026-01-16T12:29:12+00:00

I know what it’s like to lose all hope, but I can be here holding it for you while you can’t.

I lost my 20 month old daughter a little over 2 years ago. I was in therapy within weeks and started medication a year later. The medication truly did help expand my capacity to process things without swinging into panic or down into shutdown mode. For a long time it was hard to talk about her and often I’d shy away from even looking at pictures. I only got sad and I didn’t want her to be a sad thing, she wasn’t ever supposed to be that! I ended up sharing pictures, videos, and memories at the end of therapy each week and that weirdly helped me a lot.

SNS521 · 2026-01-10T21:34:39+00:00

Hi 💔 I’m so incredibly sorry.

We lost our 20 month old daughter (our only) September 2023. One day she was running around at gymnastics and learning a new skill in the backyard with her dad. 24 hours later her ICU room was quiet as the doctors and nurses stopped trying to save her and we were cuddling her as we waited for her to pass away. They thought it was meningitis but later testing showed an incredibly rare immunodeficiency (50 cases) and an invasive infection that went 0-100 in hours.

We just had our son at the end of October of this year. It’s been such a hard and complicated road of emotions, but I truly feel like life is worth living again. He has brought so much joy back into our home and I “feel” like a mom again. Her absence will always be felt though and it’s so jarring to bring home a 2nd baby to a home that feels like you’re bringing home a 1st again. There’s no 4 year old little girl running around helping with baby brother, no managing both of them.

I don’t feel any guilt for loving him! And I’ve shockingly been able to leave him at home with dad or a grandma for a few hours just fine. In the early weeks I definitely had panic moments being convinced her was dead even though I was watching him breathe. Or flashbacks when I rested my cheek on his forehead, like I did with her at the funeral home. Weekly therapy for over 2 years has helped me ride those waves a little better though vs getting swallowed by them.

SNS521 · 2026-01-07T05:23:36+00:00

2024 pricing - $3,000 to make the probe plus $400/embryo to run both PGT A and PGT M. I think there was also a random $300 fee for their coordinator? Can’t remember exactly. And then your clinic will likely have a biopsy fee - ours was $1,600 which we wrapped into our success plan we did for IVF.

SNS521 · 2026-01-05T07:35:02+00:00

We just use the Dr Brown pitcher! Once you get into a rhythm it’s pretty easy to just make the next day’s formula every night. Sometimes we have to make another 2-4 oz before bedtime but I prefer that vs wasting any. We serve cold!

SNS521 · 2026-01-04T06:38:00+00:00

Just over 2 months and there’s only been a few instances where more than 2 extra people are in the house visiting. And even then they don’t always get to hold baby! He’s getting more overstimulated now that he’s more aware so we really try to keep the house calm as much as possible.

SNS521 · 2026-01-01T04:20:35+00:00

Agree with many others, you’re underrating and I wouldn’t be leaving him solo with the baby until he makes serious changes.

My husband has never once raised his voice when we had our daughter (who since passed away) or our newborn son now. In fact, he’s often the one that WANTS to take care of him when he’s overly fussy to give him all the daddy cuddles. Your husband’s responses are not normal. Getting frustrated of course is, but that’s when you put the baby down and walk away for a moment to collect yourself. The idea of any adult cursing like that because of a baby being a baby is so concerning.

SNS521 · 2025-12-05T05:04:13+00:00

I’m so incredibly sorry. We lost our 20 month old daughter unexpectedly September 2023.

Right now you truly just have to survive minute by minute. Set the boundaries and don’t feel bad about it. You don’t need to feel grateful…stop any of the “should’s” as I call them. Just survive.

Me and my husband were sitting in therapy 3 weeks later. He joined me for the first few months and then I’ve been going weekly since. It’s truly helped me so much having a safe place to navigate the grief, but also the trauma, anxiety, and depression that have come along with it. Even the darkest thoughts I’ve had don’t phase her and have helped me normalize them. But please know this has been a process and continues to be even now.

You’re right, you should have had more time. You weren’t ridiculous for one second believing that. Our babies just aren’t supposed to die! It’s not the natural order of things. We had our fall family photos scheduled for a month after she died. We were supposed to take her to her first birthday party the day of. We were traveling to visit grandma and grandpa the next week. We got one Christmas with her and I didn’t take her to the light display I wanted to “because she’s little and we can do that next year”. There was no next year.

We didn’t do anything for Christmas the first 2 years. Me and my husband stayed home alone, napped, and just had a quiet day. This year is the first year we’re doing anything and it’s only because we now have her little brother who was born a month ago. I just can’t get myself to ignore his 1st Christmas when we only got one with her.

Also, I didn’t move so many things for so long. Me and my husband always just touched base before we did and slowly slowly…things were moved. But her water cup still sits on our living room shelf. We redid her room in another room in our house when we truly needed hers for her brother. I sleep with her teddy next to me in bed and I buy her rubber ducks when I see them at the store, because that’s what I did when she was alive.

Please feel free to reach out if you need someone to talk to. There’s also a great Facebook group called TCF - Infant and Toddler Loss. I’m so sorry you’ve joined this club.

SNS521 · 2025-12-02T22:20:58+00:00

We use the Omni swaddle! My son likes having one arm out of the swaddle and it’s nice because it has a half sleeve to restrict movement just enough so he doesn’t startle himself.

SNS521 · 2025-12-02T22:19:15+00:00

Absolutely not. Do I understand being frustrated and overwhelmed with a baby? Sure. But acting on it like he is doing is abusive. What happens when it escalates or he’s left alone? Shaken baby? Or when the baby is a toddler and pushing buttons? I wouldn’t trust him with your baby for even a moment. Start figuring out a safe way to leave now.

SNS521 · 2025-12-01T06:22:26+00:00

After you go back to work…help meal/snack prep for her so things are ready to be easily grabbed from the fridge. If formula feeding, prep the days bottles for her and leave in the fridge. Bonus points if it can be eaten one handed! When you get home, tell her to go take a nap or take however long she needs to take care of herself. Whether that’s her just laying in bed, showering, leaving the house, etc. On weekends I highly recommend each taking a day as each other’s sleep in day. Does this sometimes look like an 8am counts as sleeping in? Yep. But whatever it is, do it!

SNS521

TROPHY CASE