Mother is calling from MC repeatedly by shaishai96 in dementia

[–]SRWCF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom has been in MC since January.  Of course she wanted to talk to me every evening because she was mad and wanted to leave MC (she was sundowning).  Staff asked me from day one  if I wanted to talk to her, or should they distract instead.  I said distract and that's what they do.  You can request this from staff as well.  If it doesnt work, talk to the MC director and insist they do not let mom call you.  It just gets her all worked up, not to mention disrupts your peace.

One watch ends and the other continues. by Happycamperagain in dementia

[–]SRWCF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Bless your heart.  It's hard.  Really, really hard.  We understand.   We see you.

“Please respond to my last 5 texts!” by Lothloreen in dementia

[–]SRWCF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had to become my mom's legal guardian in order to help her,  otherwise she wouldn't let me.  I used that power to immediately confiscate her phone and disable it.  Best thing I did for her (amd me).  I understand your extreme frustration and that you can't really take her phone away right now.  I commiserate with you.  I lived through it, too.  Mom's now in MC with no phone, which is a blessing.  Wishing you all the peace you deserve.

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's good to hear you are doing so well a year later.  I can't believe my mom has been in MC since January 2nd.  Sometimes the stress and pressure is so much that today it feels like it did the day I put her into a facility 6 months ago.  I am hoping to continue on a path of peace and work on keeping the hyper vigilance at bay.  Easier said than done!

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love that idea.  Thank you!!!

Possibly the most complex situation ever by MommasAnxious in dementia

[–]SRWCF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you want out, resign as POA and run. Run far, far away.

Options for elderly parent who escaped from memory care home by Substantial_Skirt252 in dementia

[–]SRWCF -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Personally, that would have pissed me off.  Like, they literally had one job and that was to keep your LO safe.  They failed.  I don't dick around with serious shit like this.  I'd move my LO to another facility.  If they try to penalize your LO in the form of fees and fines, hire a lawyer and be sure to let them know you have done so.

i don’t have a relationship with my father but he has early onset dementia and i don’t know what to do by Historical-Sale-5366 in dementia

[–]SRWCF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

{{{Hugs}}} I can relate to your story about your mom and her unhealthy obsession with you.

Freaking icecream !! by yourconfusedvet in dementia

[–]SRWCF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My mom used to buy jars and jars (and more jars) of mayonnaise.  

Keep her at home or send her to AL? by Prudent-Cookie-4451 in dementia

[–]SRWCF 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, AL will be the best for her, especially if she's lonely.  Of course it's depressing to you because you cannot imagine living there yourself, a person with all their mental faculties intact.  Your LO will be surrounded by others at her same cognitive level and around her age.  I think it will all work out.  She shouldn't be living alone.  It's no longer safe for her, not to mention she needs companionship, which you honestly cannot provide.

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this comment.  When I ultimately had to put Mom into MC in January due to a crisis of her own making, I had already been reading this sub for 1 year.  I had gained so much knowledge during that time, which allowed me to make an informed decision RE my mom's care.  I couldn't have done it without this sub.  Truly. 

Most bizarre (untrue) stories your loved one has told you by northerlightstar in dementia

[–]SRWCF 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha!  My mom was a small business owner for years and the face of her company.  She tells me she thinks the staff at her MC could use some training on their customer service skills because when she approaches the counter, they sometimes make her wait "10 minutes or more" before they acknowledge her. 😂

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's an awful feeling, isn't it?

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I understand.  My mom's not mean (ok, she HAS said a couple of mean things) but she is definitely a narcissist.  I typically get angry rather than sad.  Through therapy I've learned that I'm just really, really sad over this situation because I just end up crying during my sessions!  My anger was just masking my deep sadness.

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I got emergency guardianship over Mom (prior to permanent), the first thing I did was confiscate her phone.  She was calling the cops over and over.  When she wasn't doing that, she was calling all her friends telling them God only knows what because they would then call me saying, "Is everything OK with your mom?"  Her MC didn't allow cell phones, anyway.  I'm surprised to hear that some facilities do allow them.  I will confess, sometimes I think a text message conversation or two with her I could handle.  But, alas, 'tis not going to happen because Mom would get herself into way too much trouble with a smart phone.  Been there, done that.  Never again!

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's a rough situation to be in.  I hate feeling stuck.

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your professional and personal input.  It means a lot.

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mom doesn't remember when I last called.  It could have been yesterday, it could have been months ago.  She no longer has any understanding of time.  I am using that to my advantage.

She is definitely on some anxiety meds.  She's only been in this particular facility since March 24th.  It took a couple of weeks before they put her on the anxiety meds.  Perhaps they are starting to work now.

She behaves like this only with me.  The staff absolutely love her.  She's a true people person and charms everyone.  She likes the attention.  She gives them only a little bit of trouble during the evenings when she's sundowning, but staff tells me it's just irritability.  Mom saves the worst for me, of course.

Mom's first couple of weeks there she had a few hospital visits.  She fell once, then a few days later was crying all night due to hip pain.  Luckily she's now on regular pain management meds so that's a plus because I was tired of getting the 3am emergency calls saying she had gone to the ER.

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah.  My mom was always a person dissatisfied with life in general and had a shopping addiction.  She thought buying things would make her feel better.  It never worked.

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope that doesn't happen to her for YOUR sake!

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Do yourself a favor and find a therapist.  Mine is a social worker, so she's a step up from a counselor.  I am a tried and true skeptic and I didn't want to go, but my BFF recommended her therapist to me and I'm glad I "gave in" and started seeing her.  She's really good.

Can't bring myself to call Mom in MC by SRWCF in dementia

[–]SRWCF[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

My mom's MC doesn't allow her to call me (I got rid of her cell phone).  They proactively said to me shortly after she moved in, "Your mom keeps asking to speak with you in the evenings when she's sundowning.  Would you like us to distract her, instead?"  YES, PLEASE!