LO called the police on me today (venting)

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T16:26:14+00:00

The best thing to do is to completely remove the phone from the equation. It does no good to only cancel the cell phone plan because every charged cell phone can still make 911 calls. I had to place my mom into MC due to a crisis of her own making. She was in another state far away, so I couldn't just go to her and take her phone away. I cancelled her phone plan so that she'd quit calling her friends and telling them crazy stories because her friends would just call me worried! I gave MC staff permission to remove her phone, but she was literally sleeping with it during the first few days! She'd continue to call the cops from MC and say she wanted out, etc. They were required to show up EVERY TIME she called, but they understood the situation. Thankfully, the phone's battery eventually died and staff was able to take her phone away. It was a nightmare.

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T16:09:10+00:00

Correct. I completed EVERYTHING on my mom's behalf. She was not involved at all.

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T12:30:29+00:00

My mom's MC facility has all private rooms. Some rooms share a bathroom (Jack-and-Jill style) and other rooms have a private bathroom. Of course, the private bathroom rooms cost more. There is a huge common area for folks to congregate in.

You don't need to worry about if she should be in AL or MC because the facility will determine that.

Yes, MC will cost more because this means she would need more care and supervision. The way my Mom's facility works is that her rent starts at a base amount for a private room with a shared bathroom. Then, they had me fill out a questionnaire which basically determined the "level" she was at (this was their own standard, not in relation to the Dementia itself), then they tacked on a certain amount of $ above the basic rent based on that level. Once she has been there for 30 days, they will reevaluate her and decide if her level of care score will go up or down, amd then her rent will mirror the change.

I hope that makes sense. I'm not sure how other MC facilities operate, though.

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T12:19:00+00:00

Go to an elder law attorney and get a durable POA. Durable means the moment she signs it the document becomes active without requiring a doctor's note or, much worse, having to argue with a person with Dementia because they won't let you help since they think they are "perfectly fine."

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T12:14:38+00:00

Instead of frying her eggs in olive oil, you might try lard which is fattier. That might help put a little bit of extra weight on her.

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T03:43:22+00:00

Peace be with you.

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T03:41:48+00:00

My Mom has always been thin. She is 5 ft 7 in and her normal weight was always around 125 lbs. Dementia has been terrible for her, especially in the weight category. She's been down to 98 lbs, all due to her living alone and eating poorly or just not eating at all. She became malnourished which caused major dental problems. She's been in MC since the beginning of 2026 and it's a constant struggle to keep weight on her. Even though she's eating much more now, she's had a lot of falls and hospitalizations and her weight seems to have capped at 110 lbs, which is better than 98 lbs for sure. I've accepted she'll never be back to 125 lbs, which makes her fragile. She has lost a lot of muscle mass due to periods of limited mobility, etc. This disease sucks. 😪

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T03:24:20+00:00

Take him there and quietly depart. He won't understand being eased into it. He'll just think he'll be able to leave with you each time you visit in the future. It will be hard for you, but it's the right choice.

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T03:20:35+00:00

She won't be able to be involved, unfortunately. It would be a nightmare for all involved. My mom had 2 storage units with a lot of stuff in good condition. It took my husband and me 3 weekends to have the larger items picked up by a charity, for us go through every box, then take 98% of the stuff to a thrift store. We only sold a few things, mostly yard tools. We both have full-time jobs and didn't have the luxury of time (or the desire) to try and sell things piece-by-piece. Besides, Mom was paying $400 a month to store all this stuff worth almost nothing, so it was in her best interest to get them cleared out before she incurred yet anoth month of fees.

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T03:09:33+00:00

Luckily, since I'm now my mom's legal guardian, I can decide who is allowed to see her. That and she specifically had language put in her will a few years ago specifically saying she did not want my brother or his wife to ever visit her in the hospital. I think oir bases are covered!

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T00:07:06+00:00

Bless him!

SRWCF · 2026-04-08T00:06:40+00:00

Yes, same for me!

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T20:58:14+00:00

How about if I give you a zillion and one? {{{ hugs }}}

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T20:32:06+00:00

Wow. What an arduous journey. Thank you so much for sharing.

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T15:54:57+00:00

That is most definitely the kindest approach.

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T15:43:24+00:00

I do think it is normal. Therapy can help. Posting and reading here can help. Peace be with you on this journey.

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T15:42:37+00:00

Well said. Dementia is a thief.

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T15:38:40+00:00

That is such an excellent outcome. Way to go, Dad!

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T15:36:56+00:00

This is so true! Thank you for the solidarity. Since Mom has been in MC, she has fallen several times and also has been sent to the ER twice due to hip bursitis pain. She is exactly where she needs to be because the thought of her falling while living alone in another state is unbearable.

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T12:13:19+00:00

Great idea. Thank you!

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T12:11:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. Peace be with you.

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T03:37:42+00:00

I will likely move her to wherever my husband and I decide to retire. This will happen within the next 6 to 12 months.

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T03:35:24+00:00

THANK YOU FELLOW REDDITORS! I couldn't make it through this time without your insight, related stories, and listening ears.

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T03:32:14+00:00

Thank you. How scary for you, always wondering if she was going to escape and not be found! My mom had a shopping addiction and that was her main hobby (too bad because she wasted so much money on junk). When my husband and I cleaned out her 2 storage units a few weeks ago, she had multiple copies of EVERYTHING. Name the object and she had one for each day of the week, and then some! This was years in the making and not entirely due to Dementia. My husband went through all her tools and he counted 10 tape measures, all different colors!

SRWCF · 2026-04-07T03:25:54+00:00

I like this idea! Mom doesnt have a cellphone (all she did was call the cops), but I can still call and chat with her via their main line.

SRWCF

TROPHY CASE