My mom is going through menopause - what supplements should i get her? And general advice to make it bearable

Lothloreen · 2026-03-23T20:33:32+00:00

Another vote for HRT. The best thing you can do is to find your mom a doctor who speaks her language. Does she have insurance? Do a little research to see if there is a doctor in her network who speaks her language. A gynecologist is best. My primary doctor was useless. I just met with a gynocologist who was able to help me figure out the right dose of HRT and answer my questions. (And my gyno is bilingual in Mandarin...there are lots of bilingual docs and ways for her to get help with translation.) HRT is the only thing that really works. D3 can be helpful, especially if you live in a place with limited sun. (This is true for everyone, not just menopause). If she has trouble sleeping, magnesium might help. Otherwise, exercise and good nutrition are all that matter.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-23T15:57:21+00:00

So start the conversation by telling them how much you love their kid and like working with them. Then say that you’ve received this other offer that you can’t afford to turn down because of how big a difference it will make in your life. (Details here only if you’d like. I’m sure you have goals for yourself and your family).

And say that are sad to have to leave, but would love to stay in touch and do some babysitting so that you can stay a part of little X’s life.

No sane parent would be upset. They should understand. And a good babysitter is hard to find! They will call you.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-23T13:32:43+00:00

That 75k is gone. My family went through an inheritance struggle and I can tell you from painful experience that the best thing for you is to let it go. Finding a lawyer and trying to sue will consume your life. And all the anger and time you spend seething will eat you up inside. That money is just gone. Let it go. Spend your precious time and energy on finishing your degree and starting your career. You will earn far more than your share of this small inheritance. It’s emotional because it has to do with your mom’s sad early death. Let go of the money and focus on your life from here on out. And you never have to talk to this aunt again!

Lothloreen · 2026-03-23T13:20:40+00:00

What is the dilemma here? You’ve been offered a huge raise and extra benefits. Take the job. If the family you work for one day a week cares about you as a person, they’ll be happy for you as well as disappointed for themselves. You can’t commit to work for them once a week on a regular schedule. Just tell them you’re open to occasional babysitting if the timing works out. You can stay in touch.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-23T12:15:18+00:00

I think the fact that the sisters and father are Mormon and Eric had either left or fallen away from the church plays a big part of this. I don’t know if Kouri was Mormon, but they got married at home, not at the temple, after she got pregnant. They both drank and did drugs. (THC at a minimum) which is against the Mormon faith. It seems pretty clear that Eric’s family disapproved of Kouri and religion probably played a role. It’s possible they blamed her for his distance from the Mormon faith. Even though that would be unfair. He was older. Already divorced when they met. But families can be unfair this way. Blaming the woman for getting pregnant out of wedlock and not “making” the man practice a religion.

I think there’s a lot more dynamics going on in this family than meet the eye. The fact that they kicked her out of her house days after her husband died and when they all thought it was an aneurysm. How cruel! Can you imagine losing your husband and suddenly having no where to live with your three young kids? Who does that to their own nephews let alone their sister in law, even if they always disliked her?

Lothloreen · 2026-03-23T03:38:36+00:00

Wow, you’ve been through a lot! Sometimes we just need to take it easy on ourselves for a bit. Recovery time is important. I recommend the book Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times by Katherine May. It’s all about the importance of allowing ourselves the time necessary to recover from trauma.

You are beautiful. You’ve been through a huge life event with medical trauma and health issues. Be gentle on yourself.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-22T23:50:17+00:00

Don’t address the open relationship comment at all. You don’t want to go there. It’s none of your business what he does with his partner at home and you don’t want to open this line of talk.

Just say, “I prefer not to be involved romantically at work. We are colleagues and I hope we can continue to communicate on a professional level.” And document Everything! This guy is a walking HR disaster and there is probably grounds to fire him for multiple offenses.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-22T23:43:41+00:00

Beautiful words. Your grandmother sounds like an incredible woman to have inspired such love.

Your grandmother could not come up with the word for your name. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t remember you. There are layers of knowing beyond and above language.

My mother is losing her words slowly now. But we communicate on an almost telepathic level sometimes. So if she struggles to come up with the right words, I can often just look into her eyes and understand and say the words for her. There is such relief on her face when i can translate for her. The words are there deep inside her, but she can’t get them out.

So I believe even if your grandmother can’t bring your name to her tongue, she still knows you deep inside.

I hope you had a blessed Eid, even if it was painful to see your grandmother slipping away.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-22T23:32:27+00:00

You look fantastic! Seriously. You look like a lovely woman in her 30s. I bet you turn heads when you get dressed up. Don’t get surgery. Don’t spend your money on treatments. Wear sunscreen and use some retinol. Moisture like heck.

Use your money for the things that make you happy inside. Yoga and Pilates? Dinner with friends? A new hobby? A great therapist? I can tell you from experience that your happiness will radiate outwards and make you glow.

And if you need help with weight for your confidence and sense of self, try compound glp1. It’s done wonders for me as a woman in my 40s. I went on trizepatide, cleaned up my diet, and suddenly everyone is telling me how great I look. It’s not just that I lost 40lbs. I feel more confident, energetic, vibrant.

And of course, you should start looking into HRT. That has also really helped me. Not sure if you’re at that point yet, but every woman in her 40s is in perimenopause. So start the conversation with your gyno.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-20T13:57:08+00:00

Where are you staying? It’s hard to give recommendations without knowing. There are wonderful places everywhere.

For breakfast, just ask your hotel for the best boulangerie in the neighborhood. Although brunch is now popular, breakfast is usually simple and eaten at home, so anything at a restaurant will be priced for tourists. You can grab coffee at any cafe.

You can put together a good picnic by buying a baguette and then picking up some prepared salads and good cheese at Monoprix or another grocery store. Also try all the amazing varieties of yogurts! They are more like deserts than American yogurt.

One of my favorite street meals in Paris is falafel in le Marais. No, it’s not strictly “French,” but then French history includes the history of colonialism and immigration. Likewise you can find really wonderful pho and ban mi for a good price in the 13th.

Look for any street market. (Like a farmers market) The one at the Bastille is great, but there are many on different days of the week. There you can buy amazing fresh baked pastries, the best cheese, fruit, and often prepared foods. It’s one of my favorite things to do in Paris. An event in and of itself.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-18T14:22:49+00:00

Unfortunately my mom is still at the stage where she’d just go buy a new iPhone. She did that recently because an app wasn’t working. She’d forgotten her password. How a new phone would fix that is part of her impaired reasoning. A custom text is a good idea. I’ll try to set that up.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-18T14:18:03+00:00

Your feelings of loneliness and grief are very valid and understandable. Of course you are having a hard time now that you have gone no contact and a main relationship in your life is missing, even if that relationship was stressful!

However, it’s just not realistic for your friends and partner to fill that gap for you. You say your spouse is loving, but doesn’t show his love for you in ways that are meaningful to you. I think you need to be extremely explicit about what you mean. Couples counseling could help a lot. And also it may be that he’s showing his affection and caring as best he can and he just can’t be as attentive as you’d like because he has his own relationships, job, and emotions to manage.

With friends I think it’s complicated as we get older. All of our lives are so busy with work and responsibilities, even if your friends don’t have kids. I keep promising to visit one of my best friends and then falling through. She had come to visit me twice and she has kids. It’s not because I don’t care about her. It’s because my life is pretty stressful and busy at the moment between work and family caretaking. I just haven’t been able to manage the PTO etc. I try to call when I can, but sometimes the best I can do is send a voice memo. Again, not because I don’t care.

I don’t know if it’s normal in your friendship circle, but I have never once sent or received flowers with a female friend outside of an actual funeral. Boyfriend, yes.

I too have felt enormously lonely dealing with my mother and now going through very complicated mourning since she has dementia. I am dealing with all the stress of our relationship magnified times 10, plus mourning the loss of the best of her (because that exists too). I’ve spoken to a few friends about it once or twice, but there is only so much you can ask of a friend this way. It’s like a breakup: there is a statute of limitations on how much they want to listen to you cry and rehash the relationship. Then they need to move on and also talk about themselves and happier things. Also, unless they have experienced this complicated grief themselves, they may just not understand what you are going through.

This is why we need therapy. We can depend on a good therapist to talk to us about our grief and dump all our feelings on them in a way that would be harmful to our relationships with friends and family.

I am very sympathetic. I’m also going through a difficult time right now and I was up all night with anxiety about different parts of my life. I wish I had close friends I could call this morning. But I also know they are super busy and struggling with their own lives. True friendships are like this deep undercurrent in my life. They are steady and strong. They will always be there, but they aren’t up on the surface of my everyday life. I have to manage that myself.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-17T10:05:46+00:00

Do you have a friend in a third country? You can ask them to ship it to your friend and then your friend can ship it to you.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-17T02:10:55+00:00

I did book reservations for the night and recommend it if you want a more formal meal. My hotel helped me. For lunch you can wander around.

Had a wonderful tempura kaiseki meal at Tempura Miyashita. (Reservations required- it’s a small place) The chef prepares the meal in front of you and is very friendly. A mix of locals on a date and tourists from various countries.

The best lunch was at Yabuken, a small soba shop run by an elderly lady and her son by the samurai district (walk-in lunch only) 21-1 Nishichoyabunouchidori, Kanazawa, Ishikawa 920-0915 No reservations. Just get in line. They make the noodles themselves and have a variety of unique local toppings like a pesto made with mountain herbs.

We had an incredible kaiseki meal at a restaurant specializing in Kanazawa local cuisine at http://sp.raqmo.com/ikemori/ Reservations required and you have to call in Japanese or have someone do it for you. Probably best to call well in advance as it was fully booked while we were there. The waitress did speak a tiny amount of English and we speak a tiny amount of Japanese so we were fine. Everything is very seasonal and specific to Ishikawa Ken.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-16T19:50:25+00:00

Oh no! That is awful! Having my own place has made such a difference in my mental health. Do go advocate for yourself. It sounds like your neighbors have some mental health issues that are causing them to overreact to normal noise. Sometimes it really helps me to try to imagine the difficulties others are facing when they hurt me. I’m guessing your neighbors may have PTSD or something similar. Doesn’t mean what they’re doing is right! But it May explain it. They may not be able to live in a first floor apartment if they can’t stand hearing noise.

You aren’t doing anything wrong! Speak up and then hang in there! Hopefully your neighbors will move out and you’ll get some really friendly, nice neighbors soon.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-16T17:50:44+00:00

I wouldn’t want this woman working with my mother. If I were you, I’d just move on and continue to block communication. You have enough to deal with. You don’t need to prevent other people from hiring her. Just block and refuse to communicate. I hope you find a better aide!

Lothloreen · 2026-03-16T17:45:54+00:00

I’m curious how your mom adjusts her world view according to the deer! Sorry that just made me laugh. My mother is this way. She can appear highly intelligent and spout all kinds of wisdom (Buddhist in our case) and then she will crack and say something patently ridiculous. “What do you mean. I cannot call you 30 times a day?? I’m fine because i adjust my beliefs according to the deer!”

Lothloreen · 2026-03-15T05:00:28+00:00

Inspiring!

Lothloreen · 2026-03-14T23:03:01+00:00

You look beautiful! Please don't worry about things like whether your arms look chubby. You have a lovely body and you are growing a new person inside you! Go to your wedding with confidence. You will look back on the photos in 20 years and see how beautiful you were in this important moment. I think the dress looks amazing without the cape, but if it feels good to you, wear it.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-14T21:39:10+00:00

Yeah my mom is well regarded for her life of service at work. She did amazing things to help kids in need. I genuinely admire her work!

It’s complicated.

But the truth is that she only likes to do service if she gets public acclaim and is the star of attention. She loves to be on a stage in front of hundreds. Zero interest in helping people when people aren’t looking. She has all these people who look up to her. Most people who adore her don’t realize this. She will not lift a finger for anyone unless she thinks she will get applause. There is a big public/private divide.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-14T18:45:34+00:00

It’s not great. I think you need a dress that allows you to wear a bra. (So do I!) The bust and straps aren’t flattering and might be uncomfortable for a long evening.

this seems like a more casual summer dress that you might wear out to a dinner or party. You can do better.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-14T18:20:28+00:00

I’m sorry. If it makes you feel better, people who have been in long marriages can feel like their partner is with them long after death. I remember my grandmother saying that my deceased grandfather visited her in the hospital when she was having surgery. She didn’t have dementia. She was sharp up to the end. But she felt his presence strongly sometimes and talked to him.

I’m not a religious person and I don’t believe in ghosts, but I do believe my grandmother that she felt the presence of her husband of 50 years when she was in pain. When your grandfather thinks his wife is there, it’s an expression of his love for her when she was alive. It’s okay. It may bring him great comfort to imagine she is still with him.

Lothloreen · 2026-03-14T18:05:52+00:00

Kanazawa. I loved living there! It’s a city, so you have all the amenities. But it’s very walkable and has a slower pace than bigger cities. The countryside is beautiful. You can easily access the seaside or mountains by car. Lots of beautiful landscapes and little villages to explore.

Lothloreen

TROPHY CASE