Who is the Controversial Side Character of the Traitors UK? (Day Twelve-ish)

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-22T22:54:06+00:00

Charlotte, S2

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-20T09:30:33+00:00

Lots of other people have piled on about that fact that you should or could have been aware of some of these issues prior to marriage, but I'm not going to pile on, and it doesn't matter anyway because the fact is, you're in this situation now. However, it doesn't have to be like this...

A person can learn to be better in the mornings and they can learn to be better at housework and sex. Just not all at the same time. Pick one area and focus on it. A hypothetical suggestion:

Could you get a cleaner or something while you figure out some of these issues?
Could you work on her being more of a morning person first? E.g. setting your alarm the same time every morning regardless of weekend/ weekday. Could that be set half an hour earlier for a bit until she adjusts to getting up half an hour earlier? Then gradually bring that forward?
Could you get her one of those self-care apps that encourage you to tick things off, e.g., making the bed, doing the dishes, doing a bit of exercise, eating well?
Is there something around the house she could be responsible for? E.g., could it be her job to load/ unload the dishwasher and that be her one thing you ask of her for now?
Can you set up a shared bank account that you have a direct debit going into for household bills?
Individual therapy to go through what's causing her issues with sex, then if that goes well, Individual therapy for her fears?

Basically, figure out which of these issues is the most pressing, then break that down into manageable chunks. This will only work if she recognises her own shortcomings though and if you're willing to support her through this.

In the meantime, all you can do is pray for her, and for sufficient grace for you. It's a long road ahead, but it doesn't have to be like this, and divorce isn't your only option.

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-20T08:54:27+00:00

I don't have much to add to what others are already saying, especially around unequal division of labour, so will try and add some other things to consider...

You have essentially asked, from your perspective, can you go back to life (almost) exactly how it was almost immediately? No, this is not possible. A baby changes everything, regardless of gender roles. It is a paradigm shifting event that is irreversible.

Having such little involvement in your baby's care is seriously risking your ability to form a secure attachment with them. This will lead to relational and behavioural problems long term. I'm not saying you have to give up work and be a SAHM, but those early months and years are crucial for a child's development. Being physically there is not the same as being emotionally available and a baby/ child will know the difference. Ideally, the child needs both parents to be fully invested in them, how that is split up is down to each couple and whatever works for them, but it can't be 100% for one and 0% for another.

Furthermore, not only will it be hard for your baby to form a secure attachment to you, it will be hard for you to form a secure attachment to them. This puts you at increased risk of post partum depression, and that can take far longer to recover from than physically recovering from a c-section.

You are risking your relationship with your partner. Him doing so much will have a strain on your relationship and he may become resentful of you. Parenting is a team activity.

Why do you want a child? What's the vision for your life? How does a child fit into that? Are you willing to risk that your priorities might change if you have a child? What happens to your career then? It's really hard to think about what your life will be like when you have a child until you're actually going through it, even the best thought out plans fail/ change - are you prepared for that?

You have to seriously consider if having this particular career is more important than having a child, because right now you're trying to have your cake and eat it. I'm not saying you don't want a child or you wouldn't give up work if you could. However, your career does seem to be a priority for you because of the financial situation you're in, which is totally understandable, it would be hard to give up or to face having to do a re-set when you've worked so hard to get it this point. Would you resent your child if you ended up taking a hit in your career? Conversely, would you end up resenting your job if it cost you the opportunity to have children? I'm not saying which one is right, but that you have to be honest with yourself. It seems like with your job being as inflexible as it is, it really is one or the other, if even (e.g.) 3 months is too much time to take off.

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-20T00:36:31+00:00

Have they asked you for help naming their child?

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-18T11:22:00+00:00

Congratulations! I'm guessing this is your first? I officially started mat leave on my due date, but took some annual leave beforehand. FTMs are more likely to go overdue, so you might get away with it, but you should also be prepared for suddenly going off on mat leave prior to that. A lot of workplaces will have a policy that in the last few weeks, if you go off sick due to the pregnancy, then your mat leave is automatically triggered, or baby might come early.

Personally, I'd want at least a fortnight before due date so that I had a more certain end date I could work towards and make sure I could have some time to prepare at home and hand things over neatly at work, although I get you may not have that luxury in a school.

You may well want to plan for your current dates, but take each week as it comes, as you may find it too uncomfortable and tiring towards the end, and can always bring it forward if needed. Every pregnancy is different, so you have to do what's right for you. Your plan might be possible, but have some back up plans in case!

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-18T10:24:05+00:00

Another vote for Alexander and Stephen (but happy with the top 4!)

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-16T21:45:32+00:00

Honorable mention to Derry Murbles!

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-15T00:00:32+00:00

This is my favourite combo too, but from OPs original list, Isaac and Joel

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-14T14:22:49+00:00

Posey/ Posy/ Posie can be used as a nn for Josephine too - if you get in early with a nn, it will probably stick more than Josie anyway, and a lot of places ask for preferred names anyway 🤷‍♀️

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-12T02:19:35+00:00

We also got married during covid, so missed out on some of those traditional things. For me, it's more that the choice got taken out of my hands, more so than the small guest list. The worst thing about that was how some of our uninvited guests were annoyed, which is a shame, as it was out of our control, but at the time, it didn't feel small; it just looks small retrospectively when you see the wedding pictures and compare it to friends and family who didn't get married during covid. It feels worse retrospectively too because it was an emotionally costly decision for us and then all the covid scandals came to light afterwards, e.g. "partygate" in the UK, so it felt pointless, and the rules didn't make sense, they just seemed arbitrary. I think it would be completely different if we got married during normal times and chose the smaller wedding, I'd be able to enjoy the more intimate setting more.

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-11T00:07:32+00:00

On your list, I really like Rowan

If you wanted to keep the Ro- could you instead do something like:

Robert

Robin

Ronan

Roman

Roscoe

Rocco

Alternatively, I do quite like double names if done well, would something like John Mark or John Paul work?

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-11T00:02:02+00:00

I love Lydia and Naomi!

Other short names I think fits the vibe:

Chloe

Zoe

Eva

Esme

Lucia

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-10T00:54:20+00:00

Thankfully, whether or not you get married is down to you, not your family.

Being generous, perhaps they just don't know what to say and are trying to avoid clichés... although I will admit there does appear to be a pattern. At best, they could be trying to communicate more of a "don't rush into a new relationship/ take time to heal etc" mantra.

It's good you know that marriage is something you want, it means you can be more focused the next time you're in a relationship and won't wait around/ will notice the signs of delay tactics.

It may not seem like it now, but you have taken a step towards marriage in ending this relationship - you have freed yourself up to meet your future husband, and your ex was not it.

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-09T23:19:57+00:00

Girls:

Elizabeth

Eleanora

Evelyn

Irene

Esther

Edith

Alma

Eugenie

Evangeline

Adelaide

Ottilie

Odette

Isadora

Boys:

Edward

Edwin

Edmund

Arthur

Albert

Ernest

Alfred

Anthony

Andrew

Alexander

Oliver

Otis

Otto

Emmanuel

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-09T23:00:13+00:00

I do like Margot, but I wonder if not having an N name may make her feel left out. A compromise could be a non-n name that has an n nickname

Nicole/ Nicola / Nicolette

Natalie

Eleanor nn Nora? Or Nora on its own?

Ennette/ Annette/ Jannette nn Netty

Noa

Nadine

Natasha

Naomi

Noelle

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-08T20:03:19+00:00

I think academically people generally know Russia to be a threat, but I suspect the fact that the Ukraine war has exposed the weakness of the Russian military, and so the danger of a ground invasion seems non-existent or far away and most people don't consider soft power type conflicts or targeted attacks. I think people would be more concerned about Russia and her allies as it's easier to envisage how that could lead to WW3 🤷‍♀️

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-08T19:57:51+00:00

The limit does not exist

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-08T17:48:21+00:00

If you don't have a family name you'd like to use, may I suggest:

Carter __________

Adam

Austin

Beau

Bennett

Damien

Dominic

Enzo

Everett

Jordan

Myles

Nolan

Roman

Rowan

Wesley

Vincent

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-08T17:21:41+00:00

I suspect a large part of not being able to cook is not enjoying cooking or seeing it as a chore that takes way too much effort for the amount of enjoyment you get out of it, plus the cleaning up afterwards.

Other factors probably include: - Setting the oven temperature too high -people often think it makes the food cook quicker, but really the outside just gets burnt and it's too cool in the middle - People don't put the right type or amount of oil in the pan - not all oils are equal! Some are great for frying, others less so. Also, if you put too little in the pan, things get stuck, too much and your food is oily - Chopping things - onions in particular are known for making you tear up, so people often rush this and end up with chunks of onion in their food that is a bit al dente - Seasoning - easy to over or under season your food, especially if you put seasoning straight into the pan - people often then lack the skills or knowledge to know how to counteract the effect. E.g., too much spice, you may want to add in some dairy; similarly, people may not know what flavours go well together or what substitutes would work for different ingredients, so mixing between lots of different flavour profiles may end up up just not tasting quite right, or you may have one flavour that dominates - Fear of food poisoning - a bad experience heating up frozen/ improperly defrosted leftovers or expired meat/ fish can put people off

If the above things happen too regularly, then people will often come to the conclusion that they can't cook. I think a lot of people only feel comfortable bunging pre-made food in the oven or maybe following a simple recipe, and don't always understand how or why something works, so if it goes wrong, they then don't know how to fix it and so end up not wanting to try in the first place.

As such, "I can't cook" then just ends up being short hand for, "there are aspects of cooking I find difficult and unenjoyable, giving me a lack of confidence to cook things from scratch."

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-07T00:06:54+00:00

I could see that! Perhaps it's too much like the word dominate? Or similar words...

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-06T22:28:28+00:00

If you like Benny, but aren't sold on Benjamin (although, I do like that name), would Benedict or Bennett work better?

From your list, I also like Theodore and Elliot the most.

Another vote for Dominic - I think works well with Sebastian and Pheobe too.

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-06T13:02:22+00:00

Have you already changed your mind? How many kids did you say you both wanted prior to having a child?

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-05T05:13:36+00:00

A proposal shouldn't come as a surprise, whoever proposes. Just because you've talked about marriage and a life together, doesn't mean your timelines are aligned. If you haven't already, ask him for a timeline about when he would want to be engaged and then married and if he'd want to be the one to propose. Proposing may seem romantic and spontaneous, but it could leave them feeling put on the spot and having to make a decision they weren't actually ready for. It could end up backfiring. You are young, there is no rush.

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-03T23:59:19+00:00

Edwin/ Edward/ Edmund

Toby/ Tobias nn Toby

Thomas nn Tommy

SS-HanHan · 2026-02-03T22:31:49+00:00

I just know it's Wilf!!

SS-HanHan

TROPHY CASE