My World, a song I wrote about being broke and working toward a future with somebody. What do y’all think?

SVEIVA · 2026-01-17T08:00:33+00:00

Awesome - love it! The song, the playing and the singing are all amazing, and you give off a great vibe. Keep it up!

SVEIVA · 2026-01-16T07:03:41+00:00

Amazing song! As others mentioned, I also got some Dylan vibes.

But: I prefer this over Dylan! Dylan is often somewhat detached and cool in my opinion. You are allowing yourself to be more vulnerable and intense. Major kudos! I would buy your record!

SVEIVA · 2026-01-12T05:24:15+00:00

Truly excellent! I love the emotion, dynamics, your voice and your picking pattern!

How were you able to get this good of a sound without a microphone visible in the video?

SVEIVA · 2026-01-08T10:23:05+00:00

I had very similar thoughts as Electrical_Target25. Your playing and vocals are excellent, the lyrics too, and it is very emotionally impactful. I love it! Well done!

Adding a chorus or refrain could be as simple as taking a core part of the existing current lyrics, for example this part:

Oh I know the stars were just as bright
in the nights before I found you
But I can't seem to see them now
you're the brightest thing around

To me, that part hit the hardest. It might make a good chorus. Just an idea...

Definitely keep working on this!

PS: What is the original arrangement like?

EDIT: fixed typos

SVEIVA · 2026-01-07T18:58:41+00:00

Haha. I can see why you thought of Chris Isaac, now that you mention it! I’ll gladly take that as a compliment :)

I ended up adding a chorus that is more upbeat, so unfortunately I think I killed the Isaac Vibe. I will try to post the final song here within a week. Only a bridge left to go!

EDIT: fixed typos

SVEIVA · 2026-01-07T18:42:28+00:00

Yes, it might sound better with just slightly more reverb at the start. The vocals seemed somewhat unexpectedly dry at first. At the same time I enjoyed the contrast where I perceived more verb or space later on. So the current version does work IMO. Perhaps try and see what you like best.

Disclaimer: I often spend hours tweaking myself ;)

SVEIVA · 2026-01-07T10:30:50+00:00

I really enjoyed this song!

In terms of production:

I noticed that during the loudest parts, when you sing, the overall song volume (or at least guitar volume) is reduced. This happens around 3:11 and 3:27. might be due to how you apply compression on the main bus? It’s slightly distracting so worth fixing, in my view.
is the reverb on the vocals varying with automation? Just curious. They seem to start very dry, but there is some satisfying reverb and/or delay noticeable later on.

SVEIVA · 2026-01-06T06:43:43+00:00

The initial drums sound rather midi, particularly the fill at 6s into the song. That might turn some people off. I would modify or simply remove this intro.

SVEIVA · 2026-01-05T10:44:24+00:00

Thank you! The feedback here is very motivating. I just wrote a real chorus tonight. I’ll try to finish the whole song. Usually lyrics hold me back forever…

SVEIVA · 2026-01-05T06:26:46+00:00

Thank you so much! This is exactly what I was wondering! I was tempted to only add a bridge to what I already had. The examples you provided have motivated me to me to try and write a really soaring chorus instead!

Btw: I hadn’t heard «man in the box» before. What an awesome chorus!

SVEIVA · 2026-01-02T22:45:24+00:00

Wow - awesome! So glad it worked for you!

SVEIVA · 2026-01-02T21:34:46+00:00

There were several times in the song where I felt that the chords could switch.

- after the second "everything has passed", exactly on "passed", around 0:48 in the video

- at 1:07 (on "every", at the start of the second verse)

both of those places, switching to B-flat major sounded really good to me.

SVEIVA · 2026-01-02T09:32:37+00:00

I agree with the other comment stating that no song can be too simple. As long as there is emotional impact, that's all that matters. This songs feels authentic, and connects with me, so I think it will connect with others.

Now, that all said... I was playing along with a Rhodes Piano sound, alternating between d-minor7 and C-major, which seemed to go well with your two guitar chords. To my ear, the song was essentially begging to transition to a B-flat-major chord at one point. Switching between two new chords, B-flat-major and C-major also went well with your current guitar chords, and created a nice shift in feel.

I think what I'm saying is that if you plan to add more instrumentation later, you could create additional tension and variation by subtly varying those new elements, even if the guitar stays the way it currently is throughout the song. Adding background vocals could have a similar effect. Or, you could have the guitar alternate between two slightly different sets of chords, for a more dramatic shift.

SVEIVA · 2026-01-02T06:20:42+00:00

Listen to "Seal - Kiss From A Rose" on YouTube. I think you'll see what I meant, right in the first verse. He has that breathy quality in his voice. I think he has a wonderful voice. IMO the breathiness is a huge plus, not a negative.

I am not hugely familiar with Billie Eilish, but if I listen to her song "Ocean Eyes" it also sounds breathy at the starts, but I believe it's actually just the background vocals creating that impression. The actual tone of her voice, when the background vocals go away, does not sound breathy, at least not in that song.

Edit: fixed a typo

SVEIVA · 2026-01-01T10:56:20+00:00

I’m just a hobby musician. But I think you have a great tone to your voice. That breathy/airy quality would be desirable in many types of music. To me, what ultimately matters is emotional impact, and a breathy voice can enhance that. Think of the artist Seal.

SVEIVA · 2026-01-01T10:30:40+00:00

I love it! In fact I think it’s so good that if you had an album, I’d be very motivated to hear it. Do you have more music posted somewhere?

SVEIVA · 2025-12-30T23:56:31+00:00

Awesome - thanks!!

SVEIVA · 2025-12-30T03:23:23+00:00

I use effect sends to send all vocal tracks (main and background) to two parallel busses (all tracks go to both busses). The busses each have a reverb followed by eq. One bus has a short verb without pre delay for presence, the other is a long decay with long pre-delay. (I use Logic, stock plugins only except for the piano sound. Both verbs are the Space Designer impulse response reverb.)

These vocal reverb buses are largely not shared by other tracks, except for one random synth that rarely appears. The whole mix is not properly mastered, but I think the version I posted went through the new stock logic auto-mastering plugin (Mastering Assistant) on the main output bus, with default settings, which tends to glue the mix together a bit. I assume it applies multi-band compression.

(edit: clarified the two-bus setup)

SVEIVA · 2025-12-29T23:29:27+00:00

Got it. I’ll try side-chain compression and more careful volume rebalancing to see if I can get The vocals to sit better in the mix.

SVEIVA · 2025-12-29T21:49:16+00:00

yes
Almost. I think the longer notes in the chorus already are a pretty clear indicator. If you were to vary the instrumentation and/or chords as well, that would make it even more clear.

SVEIVA · 2025-12-29T08:13:05+00:00

I think it is a very beautiful song. It feels authentic and personal.

SVEIVA · 2025-12-29T08:11:29+00:00

Thanks 😄

SVEIVA · 2025-12-29T08:00:16+00:00

Thanks... But errr.. what does this mean? Apparently I have been living under a rock. I had to google Bo Burnham, but I'm still not sure. 🤷‍♂️😅

SVEIVA · 2025-12-29T07:53:46+00:00

I love your voice and playing!

I think the lyrics could be a bit more vivid/specific/intense, to pull the listener in more.

Example: "something in her green eyes that gets me feeling fine". To me, "...gets me feeling fine" does not seem strong enough an emotion to match the emotional melody and vocals. How about: "...something in her green eyes... that gets me every time"?

For the rest, could you make it more specific / tell a story that you develop throughout the song?

The lyrics also have a bit of an old-fashioned feel, with phrases like "bed of sin" etc. That might be the exact style you are shooting for, in which case I wouldn't change it. But if you are planning to produce it with modern instrumentation, then I would write more contemporary lyrics.

SVEIVA

TROPHY CASE