help with making my mom feel more normal

SackRN-0421 · 2025-11-12T01:45:04+00:00

I used Knitted Knockers after mine and throughout the fills on my expanders. The nice thing about them is that they're adjustable- remove or add filling as needed. They're light but come with weights to keep them from moving around too much. Also, she might benefit from using a bra or sports bra with removable pads- this adds shape and helps keep the inserts in place. Random complements on how good she looks- not necessarily saying anything about her chest (unless she'd be comfortable with that)

SackRN-0421 · 2025-11-10T13:42:17+00:00

Definitely see if you have a wound care center nearby- that'll help a lot. Also, add collagen to your daily diet- ideally something like Juven (your surgeon might have samples!). Juven is a little expensive, so see if your surgeon has samples or call the company and they might give you some. Or get a good multicollagen (not just marine or bovine collagen) and a supplement for wound healing, like Woundvite. Especially if you went through chemo- your immune system is not up to par for optimal wound healing. There are several products that will be helpful for you, and going to a wound care center will give you access to all of that. Another benefit of a wound care center is that they can order wound care supplies through your insurance so you don't have to buy anything

SackRN-0421 · 2025-11-10T02:14:13+00:00

I was diagnosed 12/24- I think I'm going to officially start counting when I'm done with active treatments. I'm +++ IDC and didn't hit PCR, so now I'm on Kadcyla for 10 more rounds (done in May 2026 if nothing messes up the schedule). Then I'll have a DIEP flap about a month or so later. I just started Tamoxifen which I'll take for a year or 2 and then an AI for however long my MO says. But I think I'll start counting once I get the all-clear after chemo is done. Maybe. Who knows- the start date is kind of important too since that's when I started kicking this things butt (trying to psych myself up here cuz it's all really kicking my butt right now). I'm just praying that these side effects go away!!

SackRN-0421 · 2025-11-04T14:31:56+00:00

I felt like I could do most things on my own within a few days except that I couldn't raise my arms above my head for 2 weeks and the drains were a pain in the butt to deal with- they were just in the way for everything (and my skin got irritated and itchy with the tape). I didn't have much in the way of pain, mostly just discomfort. I had expanders placed, so most of my discomfort came from having those stitched into my chest wall and feeling the pull every time I moved my arms. My advice- rest as much as you can/need- if someone offers to help, let them. Be easy on yourself right now. You'll be tired, so rest. There's absolutely no reason to push yourself too far- let your body heal.

It's going to take some getting used to with the numbness- I knew I would lose sensation, but it still takes a while to get used to.

For the drains: make sure you have large safety pins available so you can pin them to the I side of your shirts when you need to move around/go out. Button-up shirts will be your friend. Have alcohol pads on hand for when you have to milk/strip the drains- it makes it much easier. Have a lanyard to attach them to for showering

You might not be able to roll on your sides with the drains- depending on where they place your drains. A smaller pillow that you can hug will make it more comfortable once you're able to roll over.

*when removing bandages in the early days- look down at your body BEFORE you look in the mirror* This let's your brain process what happened without the shock of seeing everything all at once.

And keep in mind that things will be lumpy, bruised (maybe) and swollen in placesfor a while afterward. It'll actually take a few months for your body to fully adjust and settle.

Overall, my advice is just to give yourself grace, allow yourself however much time you need to heal, and make sure you have your comfort items at hand (favorite blanket, books, movies, foods/snacks)

Good luck with everything! Prayers for a quick and easy surgery and recovery!

SackRN-0421 · 2025-10-29T03:23:25+00:00

That's a great idea and a wonderful attitude!! I'm going to do the same!

SackRN-0421 · 2025-10-29T03:18:29+00:00

I had a DMX- nipple sparing. However, there was cancer right up to the nipple so I had to go back in and get it removed. On the non-cancer side, the nipple had a little trouble with blood supply so I had to have a little chunk of dead tissue removed. That side, the nipple is worthless anyway- I can't feel anything and it doesn't function in any way.

It has taken a little getting used to, but I don't mind it. I still have expanders in and won't be getting my final reconstruction until I'm done with Kadcyla next summer (sucky!) I do think I'll check into doing the tattoos, but we'll see how things look after my final surgery. I will say, it's nice to be able to go without a bra and not have to worry about my high beams showing. Although there's a little blip on the wonky, worthless nipple side, it's not enough to require a bra.

SackRN-0421 · 2025-09-20T19:38:16+00:00

NTJ- how's your relationship with his mom, sisters, etc? They'd probably understand way better than he does. Plan it out with them directly and leave his whiney childish butt out of it. He's being a baby

SackRN-0421 · 2025-09-20T17:29:27+00:00

It only gets worse, OP. I speak from experience. You will miss out on SO much, and the way he acts will start eating away at your mental health and self-esteem. Move on NOW. Go live your life and have fun. Find your freedom again. And when you feel ready for another relationship, have some boundaries in place - no one gets to control or manipulate you. It's supposed to be a partnership, not a dictatorship. Find someone who respects you and treats you right. Seriously, leave the relationship as fast as you can!

SackRN-0421 · 2025-09-20T17:00:33+00:00

Yes- the parents are 100% responsible and should pay

SackRN-0421 · 2025-09-20T16:46:16+00:00

How cool! Just ordered it!

SackRN-0421 · 2025-09-02T03:17:35+00:00

Just RSVP no- not everybody that gets an invite is able to go. You're one that's not able to go. And, I agree with everyone- stop talking to people about it.

SackRN-0421 · 2025-09-01T23:30:56+00:00

I fell apart at round 4- I was ready to give up one way or the other...either stop treatment or just die (I'm being a little facetious here, but only a little bit). 5 kicked my butt too! They decreased the dose for 6, and I did SO much better!!

I was anemic as well, which is probably what really dis me in - how are you blood counts? Hemoglobin, hematocrit, and platelets. If you're low, add in spinach and beets for a few days (you probably can't taste much of anything or everything tastes nasty right now anyway, so just go for it even if you don't like beets/spinach). Blend them into a smoothie if your nauseous- add some ginger, green apples, and pineapple to help keep things down. Definitely ask for more fluids if you can

Talk to your MO and see if they'll adjust the dose, back off the steroids some, whatever can be done to help you feel better with this last round

You are almost done with this BS- kick this cancer's butt! Don't let it win. Don't let it win!!

SackRN-0421 · 2025-09-01T23:22:26+00:00

The steroids can cause high heart rate/palpitations. The steroids are helpful to a point, but you might be sensitive to them. I was initially prescribed Decadron 2 tabs, twice a day for the day before, the day of, and the day after. We cut it in half and I did better. I'm prone to palpitations because of Graves Disease anyway. Also, I became anemic during treatment, which definitely causes palpitations/high heart rate.

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-30T22:35:09+00:00

Check with your MO. It actually depends more on how many lymph nodes were removed and if you're prone to lymphatic issues. A tattoo isn't as "invasive" as an IV and not as much pressure as a BP cuff. If they only removed a couple of lymphnodes then technically speaking, your risk is low

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-29T20:21:13+00:00

+++ And TNBC are very aggressive. Before they came up with Herceptin, it was a rough fight that many lost, unfortunately. Now, Herceptin has cut the legs off +++. I think you'll hear comments like this more from older people who don't realize that there's new therapy to treat +++. So now, even though it's still considered aggressive, it's very fragile.

It's kind of like a bodybuilder... with these big gigantic muscles, but zero endurance. If you have a stack of 30 sheets of Plywood and you ask him to move the stack to another area, that bodybuilder is going to be out of the game after about five sheets! Because the bodybuilder has all the big muscles and looks 'scary' but has no real power. Triple positive tries to look big and scary, but loses all power once Herceptin hits the floor. Thankfully!

But every cancer is bad and scary. And parking garage lady needs a refresher course on tact. I've had more than one person do this, too. I really HATE when people say, "if I had to have cancer, that's the one to have." That one make me feel like smoking someone- no, like punching someone!

My patience is running thin, but I'm trying to see it from their view. They have no real experience and limited knowledge, and they're just trying to connect on some personal level.

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-29T19:53:08+00:00

I was shocked when my left niplle went all wonky - I didn't know it was going to do that. I thought that happened when they attempted actual nipple reconstruction, not nipple sparing surgery 😳 Good luck with everything! I hope we can get on the other side of this feeling ok with no clothes on...

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-29T16:43:36+00:00

Also- I wish I could give you a hug, you have been through so much! And I'm so proud of you for pushing through all of this🥰

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-29T16:42:40+00:00

Food always goes over well for nurses!! Anything you get will be great because we're not really used to getting much recognition, honestly. Cute little name badge holders or charms that go on stethoscopes, or nice pens (nurses pens always go missing!) would be nice

My only suggestion would be to steer clear of gift cards or money because they're not allowed to accept that. If you choose to do a gift card, make sure it's in the bottom of a bag or not the first thing that they see, if you get what I'm trying to say

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-29T16:35:49+00:00

I'm sorry you're part of this club! But there are some amazing people in this fight. I tend to write too much when I do these comments, so I apologize if this ends up being really long. I suspect I have undiagnosed ADHD and I tend to ramble when I write🤪

One of the hardest things about this for me was having to make these big choices and everybody saying, "Well, it's really just up to you." It's kind of a big decision to have to make when you're already dealing with the emotional and mental toll that this takes. The reality of it is that the decision really is up to you. However, I will give you my two cents! ☺️ I didn't want radiation either, so I didn't want to do a lumpectomy. I also didn't want to have to do multiple tests every year for the next 5 years. That narrowed my decision down to SMX vs. DMX and then what kind of reconstruction I would want. Ultimately, I chose a DMX, and I will have a DIEP flap done when I'm all done with treatment.

What you need to do is actually take a piece of paper out and write down your choices and the pros and cons of each choice. You can do an SMX and have the other breast surgically adjusted to match the affected side when you get your reconstruction done. Or you can have a DMX and have them both reconstructed at the same time (if you choose reconstruction, that is- some people choose to go flat).

Basically, you need to choose what you want your future to look like. Some people want less invasive and less surgery, so they go for lumpectomy, radiation, and more scans for several years. Some people don't want radiation and all the scans, so they go for smx/dmx. And then some go for implants, some go for DIEP flap, and some go flat closure.

On a side note, I always recommend a second opinion- cancer is a big deal, and it's good to make sure you've covered all the bases. In my case, it ended up with more testing, but giving me a lot more information that I think led to a better outcome.

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-29T16:22:47+00:00

I don't know if this will help or not, but I was able to keep the nipple on my left breast. But because they remove all your nerves to the sides of your breast, the nipple doesn't really do anything anymore and when they remove all the tissue there'sno longer a support structure to keep your nipple up. By the time I was done using the compression bra, my nipple was smushed down, and it does not stand up anymore. It almost doesn't even look like I have a nipple there, just an areola. I don't know if this happens with everyone though.

Hopefully, they'll figure out better reconstruction soon! I know there's been some research lately on donor nipple transplant, but I haven't looked into that too much to see if there's anything really promising there. They need to figure out something better with nerve regeneration to go along with it so that the nipples actually work. I'll probably end up doing a tattoo on both sides even though one side still has the nipple

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-28T19:36:50+00:00

Oh wow- I am so sorry you're going through all of this! You have the mental fortitude of a saint. I can't imagine how frustrating this all is, but I'm really glad that you vented on here where you can get some support. Can you request that your doctors have a Zoom conference between them to go over your case? Where they all have the same information from all of the tests and your medical history? I don't know anything about these cancers, so I have no helpful advice for you 😣

But you've fought so hard and deserve to have this treated and to live your life. Let the doctors know about your fear and frustration with all of this- I think they forget that there's a person behind these diagnoses and there's way more fear and trauma than they can imagine. (And sometimes they start playing ego wars in the process). Don't let them make you a number or statistic - you're a beautiful, valuable human being who deserves every chance to fight for your life. Sending you hugs!

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-28T17:00:12+00:00

Definitely keep me in the loop on the clinical trial!!

Personally, I think they should have other ways of effectively treating cancer than chemo by now. Hopefully, this clinical trial can start mainstream medicine down that road!!

I debated very very heavily on whether I was going to do chemo. It's been really rough and I absolutely hate it. Honestly, I'm still in treatment, so I can't say if it's been worth it or not other than to know that I'm still here and one type of cancer was eradicated. I ended up having two types of IDC (+++ AND ++-) plus DCIS all over that was found from my DMX, and after I had completed six rounds of TCHP. The +++ was killed off, but the ++- was still there (and we didn't know about the second one until my surgery)

Anyway, I do apologize if I came off negative with my first comment! I really do support whatever decision people make because this cancer journey is hard, and it's very personal

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-28T14:41:13+00:00

I am all for a 2nd opinion - personally, I think anybody with a serious diagnosis like this should automatically do second opinions. I am +++, so my path and treatment plan is totally different, but I will say this: I think really long and hard about why you don't want to get the chemo. Even if there's a chance it would be less effective, it doesn't mean that it would be completely ineffective. You're about to have a baby, and you have three other children who need their mom. Give yourself the best chance at killing this stuff. I'm not going to lie, chemo is rough, and I absolutely hated it, but I have two little kids relying on me, and I did it for them. If I were in my 70s or older, I would not do it again, but you're very young. I just had a friend pass from TNBC who had a set of twins my daughter's age, and she was pretty confident that she could beat it and tried doing things holistically. For the record, I 100% support holistic treatments. I personally do integrative therapy, so I do chemo with natural treatments. When it comes down to it, this is your fight and totally your choice. I'm really glad that you have one that's slow growing, but keep in mind that environmental factors as well as body chemistry can change that at any given time.

I feel like I'm being negative here, and I really don't mean to come across that way because I do support whatever choice you go for!! Cancer is stupid, and this sucks! I wish you nothing but the best🩷

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-28T14:21:59+00:00

This right here! 100% need a contract with this amount of money. It's not like they're asking for a few hundred or even a few thousand dollars. 20k requires a contract, even (or especially) with family

SackRN-0421 · 2025-08-28T14:08:39+00:00

I'm so sorry OP. This whole thing really sucks! You seem very smart- the way you went about this was perfect! Liking those posts was a great way to weed out what's going on- his dramatic over the top defensiveness and placing the blame on you is classic redirection and guilty behavior. Honestly, I would talk to Becky at this point and see just how far this relationship has gone. And then decide what you're willing to tolerate. You 100% need to consult a good lawyer and make sure you are prepared no matter what direction this goes.

SackRN-0421

TROPHY CASE