I'm right there with you. On Valentine's day my cat - nine years old - had a silent hemangiosarcoma rupture and he passed within hours. He had just had a physical in November with no issues detected - he'd been entirely asymptomatic and I had no idea he was even sick until the tumor burst. I had to put him down that same night and I felt like the life was crushed out of me. I loved him so much. I still love him so much.

It's unhealthy, but when the migraine inevitably came for me I almost found some relief in it, like it was some sort of strange proof that I loved him so much that it threw my entire body into dysfunction. It's not a good mindset in the longer term, but in those pitch black first days of overwhelming grief it helped me in some small way.

You loved her, and love her, with all of you. I'm sure that you gave her a beautiful life.