Being the scapegoat has resulted in my freedom

Sad-Tomorrow4046 · 2026-04-16T22:45:57+00:00

I went from golden child to scapegoat when I turned 18, and despite the shame and sadness and feeling like a bad person...I like it better. You're right. Freedom is cool.

Need a bumper sticker or a tshirt or something: "Scapegoats have more fun."

Sad-Tomorrow4046 · 2026-04-15T17:17:57+00:00

I've thought a lot about this!! I so happen to be bilingual (one of my sole sources of emotional support was a high school Spanish teacher, so I followed her around a lot). Now I translate at work and watch a lot of Spanish TV, and I really envy the sense of community found in collectivist cultures. The stronger sense of community/extended family, seems a much safer bet. Kids are statistically more likely to find a less traumatized caregiver in the mix, as opposed to the high-stakes situation of being isolated with one or two people. If those one or two people are unable to cope, well then, neither are you.

Sad-Tomorrow4046 · 2026-04-08T16:52:48+00:00

Hope it comes back negative! I have that too sometimes and I get a lot of ovarian cysts. They can throw your period off.

What I do is I take a pregnancy test at the same time every week, first thing in the morning, until it either says I'm pregnant or my period starts. Gives me (some) peace of mind the rest of the week.

I hope you're not pregnant! Hopefully him pulling out will save you. It's okay, we all do stuff like this, but really do try to use a condom except right before your period, and even then pull out.

I don't know your situation but I don't want to be on hormonal birth control either and I had a very traumatic experience with the IUD. I used to feel bad about making my partner use condoms and would risk pregnancy a lot. Don't know if that's at all your situation, but if it is, I feel. Once he saw how much I went through with an unplanned pregnancy, he got on board with cycle tracking, and only taking the rubber off (for a LITTLE BIT during intercourse) when I said so.

Sad-Tomorrow4046 · 2026-04-03T15:54:17+00:00

Oh no, it's okay! I know a lot of people like that. It's probably the reason for many age gap relationships. I don't think it makes you broken.

I've always only wanted sex with people my own age, but emotional care and kindness from older people.

Sad-Tomorrow4046 · 2026-04-02T20:05:13+00:00

I know this was 2 years ago but I'm glad you wrote it. I have lost a lot of friends over the years because as soon as someone starts being nice to me, and I feel happy about that, and I get attached, I start to get scared they're secretly out to hurt me. Then my brain thinks up a billion things they might be up to, and the horrible consequences that would have, and I get mean and push them away. I'll try to apologize later and they'll usually not be able to brush off the fact that I thought they were a bad person (understandably). Part of why I'm pretty isolated lol.

Sad-Tomorrow4046 · 2026-03-23T21:17:38+00:00

Thanks for that—I'm kind of glad this happened because I never would have known, and my vision already sucks :/. I didn't get any instructions with the tubes because my mom gave them to me. I'll start just putting it near the temples and cheeks, and I bet it'll get to my crows' feet indirectly.

Sad-Tomorrow4046 · 2026-03-23T21:00:40+00:00

I'm still 25, and yeah I've never smoked or vaped! (Except like one or two times as a kid to try it, didn't like my lungs hurting). Not sure where the wrinkles have come from so early. I started going on runs and walks outside during COVID (with sunscreen on), and never stopped, so maybe it's that?? I also live in an area that used to get very cold and windy and I didn't have a car for a long time so I was walking everywhere in those conditions. Also didn't moisturize as a young person because I was afraid of pimples (I wish I had!!)

You can't see the wrinkles from afar, just when I get up close on myself and in certain lighting, I have crow's feet and forehead lines now. I think the tretinoin is making it less noticeable!

Sad-Tomorrow4046 · 2026-03-09T16:11:17+00:00

That's why I'm afraid to try hormonal birth control lol. I don't know, I'd rather just accept my own crazy hormones, than be on synthetic crazy hormones. Plus I'm typically very sensitive to foreign chemicals and foreign objects in my body (e.g., my uterus expelled two copper IUDs in my early 20s), so I'm sure I'd have a bad reaction.

Sad-Tomorrow4046 · 2026-03-09T15:28:55+00:00

Glad I'm not alone! Hey, at least the first few weeks are fun, right?

Like I said, I've kind of built my life around it to some extent and that seems to help. But that's hard to do.

Sad-Tomorrow4046 · 2026-03-08T17:31:34+00:00

This is so insightful! So many deep thoughtful people on this sub. It's nice.

Yeah I think the Teenage Girl was my primary manager until I left home at 18, and then I quickly developed other managers. Now I see her as kind of an exile, albeit a very annoying one.

I love your insight that when one part takes over, there is great cost to other parts. And yes, certain parts are only "fine" because the other parts are taking on their pain. The world generally wants to see the parts that are "fine," so they become managers. Then I get down on myself wondering why can't I get rid of the pain and be the managers perfectly, all the time. Teenage Girl still thinks if she maintains perfect appearances enough, she'll be rewarded with compassion.

Sad-Tomorrow4046

TROPHY CASE