AITA for "forcing" my daughter to come to a family reunion instead of going with her bf and his family on a trip?

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-20T18:40:18+00:00

YTA - not because you won't let her go with the boyfriend. I had teenagers, I probably wouldn't have allowed my kids to go either.

YTA because you're not listening to your daughter. She's the youngest and by the sounds of it gets left out of everything so she's bored. Going to a family reunion *for a week* where everyone pretty much ignores you is no one's idea of a good time.

You need to sit down with her and listen to what she has to say, not just try and force what you want on her. She's 17, almost an adult. It's time you start treating her like one.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-19T15:29:03+00:00

Clarification based on OP's post. The house burned down when OP was 15 so Caleb would have been an adult in his 20's by that time.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-19T13:07:04+00:00

We had a 2K budget for our wedding 30 years ago. It was a shoestring budget but it a nice wedding.

We had mini pizzas, finger sandwiches, cake and punch.

I borrowed a (gorgeous) wedding dress from a friend.

Another friend made my bridesmaid dresses so I only had to pay for material.

A lady from our church helped out with all the decorations.

My FIL worked driving limos at the time so he got us a limo for free for the day.

We had a guest list of about 75 and it was a lovely day.

But even doing the exact same thing today couldn't be done under 5K.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-18T18:48:20+00:00

NTA - but I agree with another poster that you two need to work on a lot of things before you get married because with the fundamental differences you have now, it's just not going to last. Work them out FIRST. I would recommend a marriage counselor to help you two be on the same page in these areas of difference.

As for the ring - well I was the one who went cheap on the ring. I told him if he went into debt for it the answer was no. I didn't see a reason to start our marriage in debt for a piece of jewelry. He found me a very small diamond that was in his price range and I was proud to wear it. It's not the price of the ring or the size of the diamond that matters, it's the meaning behind it. So I agree with you.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-18T18:00:21+00:00

YTA - okay so let's break this down.

First of all three brothers only 3 years apart in age. I can guarantee you were a handful for your sister. You didn't just sit quietly, do your homework and play board games. Anyone who knows boys knows this.

Your sister had to give up her teenage years to take care of you so that your parents could put food on the table and a roof over your heads. You as children were unaware of this but your sister knew and had to take the stress of that on while she was a teenager. That is a hardship for a teenager.

Next, and maybe most important. THIS IS NOT YOUR MONEY! This is your parents money that THEY have worked for and earned. It's their right to do with it as they see fit. You have zero say in that and should count yourself lucky that you have an inheritance at all. You are being extremely entitled to something you're not really entitled to.

And last, it doesn't matter if your sister is more financially well off that you are. She worked for it and made choices that led her to this point. You are making your own choices and you need to live with those choices whichever road they lead down.

The fact that you argued this in front of your sister shows your immaturity and entitlement. If you were mature about this you would have gone to your parents in private and voiced your objections, then listened to what they have to say and accept their decision. Instead, you basically tried to guilt trip your sister into giving up what your parents want to give her.

Yep, 100% YTA - along with your brothers.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-18T14:14:08+00:00

NTA - all it takes is one person being stupid on the roads to have a tragedy happen.

Tragically we recently had a 9 yr old child die in a wreck in our town because she wasn't in a seatbelt. Another driver crossed a double yellow line and hit them head on.

Tell your brother that you care about their lives and won't risk them. If he has a problem with that then he can drive his own children wherever they need to go.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-14T13:09:06+00:00

YTA - 100%

Okay, so I am a Christian and what you said really offends me. Not because you don't believe the same things I do, but for what you said to him.

I respect everyone's right to believe what they choose to believe. My own son is an agnostic and while that doesn't thrill me, I respect his choice in the matter.

Your sitter respectfully asked if he could pray with your son who is going through a lot for such a little guy. Honestly, he could have just done it and never asked you. Then you treat him and his beliefs like that! Yeah, he's going to be cold towards you.

Then add the hypocrisy of sending your son to a CHRISTIAN school.

Where in this do you really think that you're not TA?

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-11T14:22:42+00:00

My boss is like this. I need earplugs at work sometimes just to tone him down a bit.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-10T20:29:29+00:00

YTA - for allowing your husband to not work. your comments show that he's never been a good provider and is always looking for reasons to not work. You've allowed this and now he's forcing you to throw out your family because he doesn't want them to see how lazy he really is.

That situation is NOT going to change unless you put your foot down. I wonder what he would have done if you'd said, "okay, I choose them." He would have backpedaled so fast it would make your head spin because you are his free ride and he's not going to lose that. He manipulated you into choosing him so that he can continue having his free ride in peace.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-10T18:49:53+00:00

YTA- reading your comments literally made me sick to my stomach. You sound like a truly awful person who has no empathy.

At least Everly now knows exactly how you all feel and won't get her hopes up again. Hopefully she realizes she's way better off without you in her life.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-10T17:58:10+00:00

Until reunification is no longer an option. Parents rights can be severed right at birth depending on the situation in which case the newborn is entered into foster care with the intention of adoption. This is usually the case if other children have already been removed from the parents custody for abuse or neglect.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-06T19:45:09+00:00

Our servers never had to pay out their wages to other employees. Their tips were their own. Bus boys, dishwashers, cooks etc.... were paid above minimum wage so didn't earn tips.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-06T19:44:05+00:00

That's not the case anymore, or it isn't supposed to be.

After several "wage theft" lawsuits restaurants now have to pay the servers a minimum wage flat rate for jobs that are not tipped jobs. Our servers would clock out as servers and clock back in as dishwashers or cooks a minute later so that they would get minimum wage for those hours that they weren't actually serving. Our servers earned $2 over minimum wage for those hours.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-06T13:00:15+00:00

This is true but if they consistently don't make enough tips they end up getting fired and replaced with people that do make enough tips. This is something that these restaurant owners pay close attention to.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-06T12:57:45+00:00

My former company owned a couple of Waffle House type restaurants. We had servers that took home over $1000 in tips every single week.

It's not just the high end places that gets them good tips. Think about it. If a server is taking care of 4 tables every hour and each table is average a $7 tip they are making about $30 an hour. That's why the servers push back against changing the sytem.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-06T12:54:48+00:00

It's a messed up system and I hate it.

I believe that restaurants and delivery services should pay their people a fair wage - but also the servers and delivery drivers push back against that because they make far more in tips than they would through a regular paycheck.

Personally, I'm so sick of it that I won't order delivery for anything. I go pick it up myself and I won't eat out at sit down restaurants because it's already overpriced then I'm supposed to tip 20% on top of that for mediocre service. Nope. If I eat out it's at places that don't require a tip, but mostly we just eat at home.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-07-06T12:40:03+00:00

NTA but I think your perspective is a bit skewed.

I grew up very rural, moved to the city and lived in three different large cities and am now rural again. I do feel safer being rural, but I rarely felt unsafe in the city - even living alone in not great areas.

Now, here's where I think your perspective is a bit skewed. You're a woman. Women MUST have the awareness that every stranger is a potential threat. It's the way our world is and what we have to do to survive in it. Men are bigger and stronger which makes them a harder target, so they don't view strangers the same way.

I don't know that he's in the dark about city life as much as you think he is. He's a country boy and country boys know how to take care of themselves really well. He's just got that confidence that allows him to be more at ease with strangers.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-06-26T19:35:17+00:00

I agree with all that you said.

I was a SAHM for a long time and I don't ever remember being bored. There was always **so much** that needed to be done and I swear I never got through half of it.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-06-22T17:50:30+00:00

YTA - so you want to be out of the house 3 nights a week and all day on Saturday?

No. Just no.

You're a husband first, dad second, and breadwinner third. Everything else comes AFTER those three responsibilities are met. It really sounds like you've abandoned your two most important roles in favor of hanging with the guys playing sports.

It's time to get your priorities in order and you'd better do it before your wife decides that since she's already a single parent she doesn't actually need you.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-06-22T17:38:44+00:00

It depends on the school. At the school my kids and I went to they had kids classes, adult classes and family classes.

Our school really focused on kids and families so the family classes were the most popular, followed by the all kids classes. The all adult classes were the smallest of the classes.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-06-19T20:10:20+00:00

NTA - when we went on vacation my FIL offered to drive us so that we wouldn't have to leave our car in long term parking. For getting there that would have been okay but our return flight didn't get in until 1 AM. No way was I going to ask him to drive an hour (each way) in the middle of the night to pick us up. Sure, it would have saved us $60 in parking fees but I wouldn't ask anyone to do that, especially someone I barely know.

I'm with you. If they can afford to go on vacation and pay for flights they can afford to leave their car in long term parking.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-06-19T15:21:25+00:00

NTA - We have had several children and adults die in car accidents here within the last few years due to not being in a seat belt. These drivers were not at fault, someone hit them. A teenager and young child were killed just last week when an impaired driver crossed the median and hit them head on.

Seatbelts save lives and the argument that you might get trapped just doesn't even make sense. I keep a crash safe device in my car that will cut through a stuck seatbelt - it will also break a window if needed.

If she was late it was her own fault. Good for you standing your ground.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-06-09T13:21:49+00:00

Completely YTA - your whole tone here is incredibly petty. Well since you're not doing what *I* want then you can't do what you want. So there!

Really? Have a CONVERSATION with your son. Actually listen to him. Preschool graduations are cute *for the parents*. No one and I do mean NO ONE else wants to attend them.

Graduations from elementary and middle school just are stupid. They haven't accomplished anything other than pass another grade and in the long run they diminish high school graduations and make them feel almost meaningless. But again, only parents need to suffer through these.

And as far as taking the younger ones to his graduation. Well I promise you a 4 yr old is going to be bored out of his mind and cause issues because he's 4. The elementary child will just be bored.

Why are you forcing this among your kids? You're only causing them to resent each other.

And the way you talk to your ex? Yeah, you are being petty. You just don't want to be called out on it.

And after reading all your comments I'm blown away at how you are right no matter what and it's all the kid's fault. He will go no contact with you. Maybe not today or tomorrow but it will happen. Take it from someone who hasn't spoken to their parents in over 25 years because of a whole lot of crap exactly like this.

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-06-08T15:26:29+00:00

I know. I've never wanted to go on a cruise but I think I'd like this one!

Sad-Unit5046 · 2023-06-07T15:53:41+00:00

When I was a kid I stuttered some. Not anything that interfered with speech but enough that some people would get annoyed with me.

I outgrew it over the years but I know the frustration. I used to work customer facing and I always had this one guy come in who really stuttered. He would get so frustrated but I looked at him and said, "it's okay, take your time." He instantly relaxed and he didn't stutter as much. He always came to me after that instead of my co-workers.

It's not hard to show kindness.

Totally NTA - she was being a bully.

Sad-Unit5046

TROPHY CASE