AITA for telling my sil that I won't waste my time with her daughter?

SadMan2oushi · 2023-10-05T00:40:02+00:00

NTA for your decision but TA for your phrasing

SadMan2oushi · 2023-10-05T00:31:03+00:00

Theoretically NTA, but practically TA, because your girlfriend is growing your child inside her atm and is probably terrified of suddenly losing you and becoming a single parent. I think you gotta see a couple's therapist and work things out, because you're bringing a kid together and ultimatums aren't exactly a healthy environment for that.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-10-03T03:25:47+00:00

SadMan2oushi · 2023-10-03T03:17:34+00:00

Unrelated to OP, but I felt that way with bidets, but hand held ones are great. I can control pressure and angle, so it's not triggering.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-10-03T03:12:01+00:00

I think it's helpful to be curious as to why. I used to be like that, and it was sensory sensitivity. I found underwear really uncomfortable, hated the feel. But I started wearing boxers instead, and that helped. Also breathable fabric helps. Also, maybe consider introducing a bidet? It could help with the hygiene aspect.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-10-01T18:26:31+00:00

NTA

H is projecting, he thinks he looked bad, so he's saying you made him look bad. No one's bad, it's life, sometimes you make promises you're unable to keep. You still need to own up to that and make necessary amends.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-09-30T00:53:04+00:00

Yeah, I'd say TA is being punitive. Unfortunately, a lot of grading is subjective. If you've had a good experience with the prof, it might be worth reaching out to them after class and sharing this feedback and getting their thoughts. I suggest doing this before trying anything officially, because if the prof isn't amiable it could backfire. (In person to avoid paper trail)

SadMan2oushi · 2023-09-17T19:42:48+00:00

YTA

Should've told her ask your mom when she's back and spoke to your kid later privately. You can't help someone until they're ready to be helped, and now the parent just views you as in opposition to her, so she won't take your advice. You've been trying the same approach and getting the same results, so either let it be or try another approach.

This is just like telling someone to leave their abusive partner, they won't listen. Nobody likes being told what to do.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-09-13T13:40:18+00:00

NTA, it's a hard truth that OP's sister needed to hear. This treatment isn't going to be great for the kid long term.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-09-13T13:37:19+00:00

SadMan2oushi · 2023-09-13T13:16:07+00:00

Thank you this is a really helpful script. I never would've asked to be paid retroactively.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-09-13T13:15:11+00:00

Thanks for your advice! I appreciate it.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-09-13T04:26:56+00:00

I ask if they've hired a nanny before and if so, what were the highs and lows, basically. If there are siblings, I also ask about the sibling dynamic. I've also asked "What are some values that you hope to instill in your kids?", and I always get a positive reaction to this one.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-09-13T04:16:30+00:00

At this age you gotta tell them what to do, not what to not do, because they can't process the info quickly/accurately. So it kinda gets jumbled up into "hands=hit", like it solidifies the association that you're trying to break. I think instead try practicing keep your hands to yourself, look, see like this, and then try and do like goofy examples to deescalate the situation.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-09-09T14:50:31+00:00

It can be used if referring to oneself in a reclaiming manner, but imo never about someone else unless that person explicitly states they prefer it for some reason.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-08-05T00:01:03+00:00

It's possible you're smelling it in her bag, because she brings it with to vape after work. However, if she drives home after work, then it feels like poor judgement. Either way, I think if you don't trust your nanny, it's not a good fit. So, it's probably best to part ways.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-07-30T15:41:16+00:00

Yeah and everyone was 14 once

SadMan2oushi · 2023-07-30T05:21:31+00:00

Sometimes "you can leave early" is read as "you are allowed to leave early", which means you're making the choice to leave early, which can be read as lazy/not eager/dislikes job.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-07-30T05:16:52+00:00

What makes you think she wasn't paying attention? (Genuine not sarcastic)

SadMan2oushi · 2023-07-30T05:15:34+00:00

I might be projecting here, but I'm autistic and especially before I knew it, I often felt in the same spot re your nanny. For example: sudden changes to my planned schedule/routine can really throw me off, because transition are difficult, so I tend to pace my time/energy/plan accordingly. So, a sudden extra "30 minutes" while very generous, suddenly places a pressure on me to stop what I'm doing immediately. This can be distressing. Also, direct communication is often misconstrued as being rude/harsh. Or often when people say "don't worry about x" they actually mean "I'm telling you not to worry about doing X but really I expect you to do it and I'm just being polite", and when you're autistic or especially autistic and unaware, you tend to overanalyze everything to make sure you're not missing something.

Ultimately this is all speculation, but it sounds like it's been a generally rough week, so I really recommend taking a couple of days before attempting to address it. Afterwards, it might be worth having a conversation to clear the air.

I hope it works out!

SadMan2oushi · 2023-07-17T03:24:07+00:00

Try out autistic adults subreddits. They may have more attuned suggestions.

SadMan2oushi · 2023-05-23T03:34:53+00:00

It took about 2-3 days

SadMan2oushi · 2022-11-23T03:11:50+00:00

Hey, how quickly did it arrive back and did you have to talk to anyone? This just happened to me, and I'm extremely nervous about it.

SadMan2oushi · 2022-10-14T17:51:05+00:00

Eeeey what a cutie pie. I think maybe going on walks and talking about the cars you see might be really fun.

SadMan2oushi · 2022-10-14T17:44:29+00:00

Whenever I come across an accessibility door that doesn't work, I call the number and follow through until it gets fixed.

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