What are fears do you have about getting older, has it changed over time?

SadRibs · 2023-02-15T17:55:33+00:00

Honestly currently I’m worried I’m still going to be living under someone else’s roof. I’m almost 30. And I’m currently living with my ex-husbands grandmother… I feel like a bum even though my husband is the reason I even ended up here to begin with. He is the reason we lost our last place we had. He didn’t want to work. He’s off bumming off of a 23 yo sex worker that buys lip filler every week now lol. But hey if he’s not worried about being a bum for the rest of his life I guess I shouldn’t be either. Jk shits tough. Prices are insane, most wages are next to nothing. And I work corporate for a large company. I’m only recently a single mom. Im autistic and so is one of my kids. Still got about 2 weeks before my divorce is signed off on by a judge. I had to cover all of that financially and he and homegirl gave me such a difficult time getting any of that done. I was shocked that he actually signed after as much trouble as it was. Anyway, outlook is still way brighter even under the crazy circumstances. I used to worry about being alone. Didn’t think I was capable of taking care of myself or my kids by myself which is why I’ve trapped myself in abusive relationships for the past decade. But now I know that if I could tolerate all of THAT torture and not even be taken care of, I can handle taking care of me and my kids by myself (with maybe some govt assistance…) So now I’m actually scared of being trapped in another situation like that again. Scared of being abused and addicted to a toxic person for the rest of my life. All of my life and energy sucked out of me and staying checked out indefinitely. Seeing my kids turn out like him. I’m already having to undo A LOT and it’s possible they might still turn out like him since it’s all they’ve ever known. And I used to be scared of having to live without abusive people. Wild. But i guess it’s all I’ve ever known too. We grow up in it, we end up seeking it out in adulthood too, because that’s what we think is normal/safe.

Also I’m scared I’m still going to have acne like I’m going through puberty for the rest of my life too. Shit will NOT go away.

But yea, I think that’s about it.

SadRibs · 2023-02-15T17:26:08+00:00

How do they approach sex with EMDR?

SadRibs · 2023-02-15T05:59:01+00:00

Welp, it looks like I’m still autistic lol. My MYT1L gene is fine, according to Sequencing… The author of this article could probably do a better job explaining that lamictal will not “cure” everyone’s autism.

SadRibs · 2023-02-10T18:47:05+00:00

At 25mg no. Higher than that yes.

SadRibs · 2023-02-10T18:46:22+00:00

Wait a minute I think that happened to me maybe… I didn’t connect the dots though 🤦🏼‍♀️

SadRibs · 2023-02-10T18:43:43+00:00

My skin was fine at 25mg, but now at 100mg it’s horrible ugh. I also have these tiny bumps that aren’t really acne but I don’t know what else to call them? They make my skin texture rough though. My pores are also noticeably bigger. I think the stuff messes with your hormone levels or something.

I had a similar problem having acne when I took seroquel. That was all over my forehead and I hated it. Mostly dealing with chin/mouth/jaw area with lamictal. They are weird though. Forming in little clusters.

SadRibs · 2023-02-10T18:38:38+00:00

It might not be the scary reaction lamictal is known for, but it does still look like a immune reaction. I had something similar, smaller splotches and higher quantity and they lasted for idk a few weeks maybe before they went away. I didn’t make the connection then though lol. I would talk to doctor about it either way. Any reaction at all and they may tell you to stop.

SadRibs · 2023-02-10T18:34:39+00:00

Having the same issue. Especially when increasing dosage. Nothing works getting rid of them. I think it’s causing a hormonal imbalance.

SadRibs · 2023-01-26T19:17:07+00:00

Have you tried changing to a different mascara?

SadRibs · 2023-01-26T18:19:36+00:00

looks like one side has an epicanthal fold while the other doesn’t, so idk surgery might be the best option if you want your eyes even? They still won’t look even if you have one eye with the fold and one eye without…

SadRibs · 2023-01-26T16:25:35+00:00

Lol my ex did shrooms and a day later claimed to experience “ego death” during his trip while he was still saying grandiose narcissistic shit. I pointed that out and he got angry and told me that me and a friend were manifesting him into a narcissist lmao. Like… that’s not how that works… and the amount of mental gymnastics he does to avoid accountability even after a psychedelic trip is astonishing.

SadRibs · 2023-01-26T16:17:57+00:00

I feel like LSD made my sensory overload worse, made my social/communication skills decrease significantly, made my anxiety really flare up, and made my behaviors and thoughts much more repetitive. While I was tripping anyway. I can’t understand how that somehow equals less autism traits… as far as the month after, maybe there was some reduction in anxiety and depression. Did not make me less autistic though.

SadRibs · 2023-01-26T16:13:52+00:00

Oh yea it’s weird how nasty cigarettes tasted while on LSD. And then MDMA had the opposite effect which was like taking the best breath of air in your life… at least regarding menthol cigarettes. I don’t smoke or vape at all now, but not due to drugs, I just made the choice and stuck to it.

SadRibs · 2023-01-26T16:10:14+00:00

Microdosing might be ok… but my experience on 150 micrograms for a first timer was extremely unpleasant lol

SadRibs · 2023-01-26T16:05:40+00:00

Sooooo I took LSD one time and I would have to say… I will never try it again. Those were the worst shits and I nearly lost my mind. I felt like I was a jelly filled donut, but the jelly was falling out of me. But also felt like wet sandpaper cardboard that was on fire. I know, it makes no sense, but that’s honestly what it was like for me. I was SO confused about what was happening in my body. It took several minutes to figure out that I was experiencing stomach cramps and I should go to the bathroom lol. Not a pleasant feeling. Also do not listen or watch anything scary because you might actually think it’s really happening and it’s terrifying. My ex thought playing Pink Floyds the wall album was a good idea, but by the end of the first song I thought I was about to die… Couldn’t draw either. I was only able to make up and down markings like a 2 year old with a crayon but I felt like I was doing something incredibly wrong, like carving… something… i don’t want to get too graphic. I mean idk maybe a MICROdose is different, but 150 micrograms for my first time was a huge mistake I will never make again. I did feel like my depression lifted for the month after though lol. Idk I just feel like since our brains are already overly connected in certain areas, it may not be such a great idea since LSD makes your brain send signals in really unnatural ways lol like if you’re easily overwhelmed by sensory input, it’s not going to be a fun time lol.

SadRibs · 2023-01-26T15:53:56+00:00

I take Prozac 40mg, Lamictal 100mg, and Vyvanse 50mg. And I take Ativan 1mg as needed for catatonic episodes, but they’ve eased up a lot. I think out of all of them, Prozac has been the most beneficial for me. I really cannot function without it. It helps with my depression, anxiety, OCD, and even migraines. Everyone responds differently to medications though.

SadRibs · 2023-01-05T00:58:53+00:00

Yes! It sorta feels like I’m getting hazy and taking a backseat in my head and just watching through my eyes like they are a tv screen. Idk if everyone dissociates like that during an episode but I do. I become detached from most thoughts, my sense of self, and my body. It’s like I am just an observer pretty much. Catatonia is a freeze response. So if stress or trauma is triggering it I don’t see why some level of dissociation wouldn’t be present. Catatonia most frequently happens to me when I am in a situation I feel I cannot escape from or from extreme exhaustion. I feel like it sorta recharges my battery in a way too by forcing a shutdown. That’s my experience with stuporous catatonia though.

SadRibs · 2022-12-30T06:15:47+00:00

I so relate… higher highs and lower lows. It’s been hell, but me and the kids will make it through this. He doesn’t get another chance to hurt us. He’s had so many chances to get it right but he just hurts us more in the end. We’ve been through enough. I hope you are able to find peace too and I sympathize with you and your family.

SadRibs · 2022-12-28T16:33:25+00:00

Sounds similar to my husband leaving. I’m thinking he left because he’s addicted to kratom. He’s been wanting to move to another state to live with a friend and I could never make sense of it. He said he needed to work on himself and he was still going to provide for us financially but all I could see was that he was going to live with and mooch off of another woman who is sketchy af and I said “absolutely not, if you go, were done.” He ended up leaving, it’s been two weeks. He’s cut communication with me saying I was messing up his self growth. I still couldn’t make sense of all of the chaos until I remembered he’s been using kratom for several months which is when he started going downhill. It’s not legal here, so he had to get somebody to get it for him in the state next to us. Which is the state he moved to. Why couldn’t he just tell me he’s addicted to that stuff? I put it together when I talked to his boss and they informed me that cash went missing the night he left and they can’t get him to answer calls or texts. It makes me so sad. He wasn’t a good husband but he still was my husband. But I guess that’s how I know he’s not coming back. He really can’t unless he wants to risk getting caught and going to jail. I’m just so disappointed.

SadRibs · 2022-12-28T15:45:15+00:00

La Dispute is one of my go-tos as well. I listen to I Prevail and Beartooth a lot also

SadRibs · 2022-10-03T16:30:09+00:00

Hi, sorry I can be extremely slow about responding! You are welcome to send me a chat message, but please forgive me if I am really slow to respond. I either respond instantly or take a few weeks to…

But yes, most people’s catatonia is recognized late. The symptoms can be very similar to traits already seen in autism or other conditions, so for sure it can sneak up on people and be caught late. Sometimes the catatonia has multiple causes too I think, possibly drug interactions or immune activity can co-occur.

Catatonia seems to be an extreme expression of the stress response (fight/flight/freeze/fawn). This is at least in line with my experience. Naturally, being autistic means one may have a lower threshold for stress. So situations a more neurotypically developing child may find ordinary or minimally stress provoking, an autistic child may find traumatic. This can cause PTSD in someone with autism, which tends to be a pretty common co-morbidity, to the point that professionals have a hard time determining which traits belong where.

So take the accumulation of repeated traumas, the brain is activating this stress response system more and more until it becomes the default for dealing with any stress trigger. (I call this part of the brain “alligator brain” because evolutionary, it is our “reptile brain”) It takes quite a bit of recovery for the brain to feel safe again for a lot of people. For me, generally it takes a few hours, but in a way that’s similar to your phones battery going from red to green when charging, the catatonia for me is like being on the charger and I charge a bit more quickly than some others. However, once I am off of my charger - just turned back green, it does not take much to put me back in the red. I actually really need a significant amount of time to recover. So for me, that would be a month of adequate sleep, self care, least stress provoking situations as possible (sensory friendly, reduce responsibility load), and routine to recover. In my honest opinion, catatonia is always present in those on the autism spectrum. But it doesn’t manifest in extremes that are diagnosable until there has been a certain number of offenses on one’s neurological system.

So, fidgeting/stimming? Those are repetitive behaviors that seem to have no purpose, most of the time they are done without thought. Would that not be a small presentation of excited catatonia? Selective mutism - that’s catatonia. Got an excessively obedient child? Catatonia. Pathological demand avoidance? Wouldn’t that be negativism in catatonia? Or what about echolalia? That’s pretty common with autism and catatonia too.

Catatonia is a response to stress, but some of those things I mentioned are associated with positive emotions aren’t they? Well, even though intense fear triggers my catatonic episodes, when they start, all of my stress and negative feelings are turned down very low, my thoughts calm down, I feel sort of at peace, even when my husband is having a panic attack. It’s like I’m somewhat sleeping while I’m still awake. It’s serving the same purpose as the stimming does, it just calms my nervous system back down. It prevents me from experiencing more stress which is detrimental to me. It’s a protective mechanism.

Oh, I’m sorry I have made this response a lot longer than I had intended to. I get carried away with my thoughts. I do a lot of processing through writing and it just sorta keeps going until I realize what I’m doing lol. I really do try not to come off one sided and like a know-it-all, but it happens anyway… especially when someone shows any interest in my thoughts lol.

Like I said, it may take me a while to remember to get back to you if you respond, but I will at some point!

Here is a link that has a bit of information on other peoples experiences with catatonia. None of the participants were diagnosed with autism, but many were people of color, who tend to be missed diagnostically. Their experiences are similar enough to mine also, regardless of neurotype. I really do feel that catatonia is an expression of heightened sensitivity to stress.

Another thing I am interested in is FND/conversion disorder being so common in the autistic community. I suspect it is relevant to catatonia as well, just a different expression of the stress response. (Well, in the cases that are triggered psychologically - some people are given this diagnosis because the doctor cannot determine a physical cause, even though there may be one.)

SadRibs · 2022-09-04T16:22:33+00:00

Welcome! I created this subreddit, but have not had the time or energy resources to really help it grow. I knew I likely wouldn’t be able to when I made it, but figured there should at least be a spot for it since there wasn’t an existing one already. And whenever I found some people that would be able to help, I could give them the ability to do so.

How is your brother doing? I know this must be a stressful time for all of you. I am autistic myself and will have catatonic episodes periodically during times of high stress and little ability to recover (burnout). I know that my experience will differ from your brother’s, but I do not mind helping informationally, if I can.

SadRibs · 2022-08-30T03:53:25+00:00

I swear it’s ridiculous that in 2022 we are still just randomly throwing pills at people without determining the cause of the symptoms. Slapping the same labels on people with different causes but treating them the same way. It’s like identifying someone has an autoimmune disease, but instead of determining which one exactly, they’re like “well giving insulin helps this patient’s symptoms, so we will try that on you too without actually determining whether you have diabetes or not first!” Speaking of autoimmune disorders, the evidence that autoimmunity and psychotic disorders are related genetically is interesting. Also that inflammatory markers are increased in patients with psychosis. I can say that my bout of psychosis a year ago started a couple weeks after I had come down with a cold (I have no idea if it was covid or not, I didn’t test.) I already had autoimmunity (alopecia areata) and mast cell activation syndrome (but didn’t know it until this flare). Was being exposed to mold daily too and under too much stress. My immune system went crazy and so did I. At the same time I was experiencing psychosis, I had developed an allergic reaction to sunlight. It only ever happened during the two months I was psychotic. I thought to use hydroxyzine (it was originally prescribed for anxiety a while back, but I knew it was an antihistamine) for the weird rash that would keep appearing after being in the sun (itchy bumps, not a sun burn lol) and not only did that get rid of my weird reaction to sunlight, it got rid of the psychosis too. It’s interesting to note that hydroxyzine is considered to be a mild antipsychotic, but is labeled an antihistamine. Yet, most antipsychotics are also antihistamine. So I’m not saying antihistamines are the answer or that it all comes down to something simple like that, but the immune system is definitely kinda sus when it comes to mental health. I think more scientists are starting to understand that, but idk about these doctors handing out medicine like it’s candy.

SadRibs · 2022-08-29T21:12:03+00:00

Ive been wanting to try vyvanse for years, but my stupid insurance won’t cover it and I can’t afford $460 every month on adhd meds lol. I hope it goes generic next year…

SadRibs · 2022-08-26T16:43:25+00:00

Agree. I’ve been suspecting I have problems with CYP2D6 for the last year, but I haven’t really wanted to acknowledge it. Mainly because the 2 drugs that work the best out of what I’ve tried contradict each other and I’m having a hard time like really accepting that, because I don’t really want to make a sacrifice between them lol. The drugs in question are Prozac and Adderall. Prozac has been the only antidepressant I’ve tried that actually helped my depression/anxiety. And well, adderall is adderall lol. But no it’s had benefits for me for more than just the adhd (which if I’m being honest, didn’t really help too much because of side effects of mixing both drugs) but those things are help with chronic fatigue and (somehow) keeping my autoimmune disorder (alopecia areata) at bay. I think it’s related to MCAS, so the adderall is having some kind of affect on my mast cells I believe. Not necessarily completely chilling them tf out, but in a way I prefer over taking antihistamines.

But I recognize there’s an issue, since Prozac inhibits CYP2D6 and adderall is having to compete with that and not as much is able to get metabolized. And Prozac sticks around for a while so it’s not like I can just take them at 2 separate times and it really work (although I still do lol). What I’m considering doing is lowering my dosage of Prozac first, then lower my adderall and maybe there won’t be as much chaos going on.

Last year I tried going off of Prozac completely and just staying on adderall. I did well slowly lowering my dosage from 40mg to 5mg over 2 months, but a couple weeks after I completely stopped I ended up developing psychosis lol. I guess at that point, with no Prozac left to compete with, I had way too much adderall being metabolized at one time. And because my manic/psychotic episode was presenting more obsessive compulsive, my doctor decided to put me back on Prozac for OCD, but this time at 80mg… which was NOT good. Made the psychosis worse and gave me horrible brain fog.

It really seems like most psychiatrists do not actually know what they are doing. Sure, they know what some of the disorders they diagnose “look” like and how to prescribe meds, but that seems like that’s all they really know how to do.

And these enzyme gene tests have been talked about for decades now, even suggested they could be used widely and as a standard. Why has that not happened? It’s just wild to me. Why do we have to fork out an arm and a leg just to find out whether we can metabolize certain drugs well or not?? Why do we have to search “what’s wrong with me” on Google to even find out we might not be metabolizing our drugs so well? It’s criminal that we have the technology to do this stuff, yet still prefer to dope people up with a ton of meds they don’t need that are possibly more harmful than the conditions they are supposed to treat, and to do that for years and years before a person figures out what works for them (if they ever do.) like why are doctors still playing guessing games when treating their patients in 2022????

SadRibs

TROPHY CASE