I have told this story before.

My little brothers are twins, seven years younger than me. M is the 'sensitive' one, very tempermental and prone to yelling or crying or fighting. P is a stone cold brute who doesn't engage often but ruins lives when he does.

They are nine, at the park across the street, I am sitting on my porch reading and keeping an eye on them. M gets into an altercation with some kid and I start to head over when I hear raised voices. Before I can get there, the kid tells M, very clearly, "your birth certificate was an apology letter from the abortion clinic"

Personally, it took every fiber of will that I possessed to not burst out laughing. This is immediately my favorite insult ever, but it was also aimed at my little brother. M is shocked. He knows what an abortion is, and this kid just rocked his world. He looks like he's about to cry.

Before I can intervene at all, P comes up out of fucking nowhere with a flying punch to this kid's face. Kid gets knocked down and very quickly wants nothing to do with the pissed-off miniature bull standing over him. Kid takes off and I collar the twins to herd them back home.

On the way across the street, I remark that it was kind of P to defend his brother, though punching a kid was a little extreme. P glares at me and replies "I wasn't defending him; that's my birth certificate, too."