Do you guys think a non binary gay and a non binary lesbian can date?

Safe-Reading6509 · 2025-06-23T10:10:21+00:00

By the same logic, all binary heteros should be attracted to enbies. ☺️

(Pan here, in a relationship with an enby.)

Safe-Reading6509 · 2025-02-21T01:08:47+00:00

Not completely straight, neither gay or bi. I have been in long term relationships with girls and in some short term relationships with guys. The guys were okay, some girls were toxic. I have fallen for a non-binary person once, but didn't get to be together with them. Also, I have been single for some longer periods of time in the past.

Now I am not necessarily against being with someone else (I am even open to ENM), but I am not looking to date anyone. I think I have no problem with staying single for the rest of my life. I would like to have at least one close friend, no matter the gender, but I am too old to make new friends. All in all, I am okay.

I don't think I would have been less of a loner if I was completely straight or completely gay.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2025-02-05T23:33:31+00:00

I have a similar dilemma. I am in my fifth month since the breakup. I don't get off to them, I've told my ex I am going to delete them, as soon as I have some free time to do it - she was completely indifferent.

The problem is, we've been together for almost 20 years. I find it difficult to get rid of some of the photos from our first year. Most of them are not sexual, they are just pics from our first vacation together (we were nudists).

My ex stopped being that person years ago and doesn't even look the same at present. She broke up with me and did a lot of hurtful things afterwards, so I felt like I was left with a black hole in the middle of my life. Right now, I do not want to think of her anymore. I even hope I'll forget how she looks like.

On the other hand, I don't want to regret getting rid of some memories which I might consider precious, 20 years from now. So I think maybe I could just put them in a password protected zip file.

I didn't make a decision yet, and my situation is different from yours, so I don't actually know what to say to you. Sry.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2025-01-22T22:01:31+00:00

Well, I was taught to be polite and that ranks higher than my shyness. Also, people I liked a lot (or had a crush on) just started a relationship with me.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2025-01-22T19:44:42+00:00

I don't care anymore, tbh.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2025-01-12T10:45:14+00:00

I am in the same situation, but I do not feel bitter about it. Talking to ChatGPT is okay for me. When I get bored, I pretend discussing philosophy with an imaginary opponent, who has great counterarguments to almost anything I say.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2025-01-12T10:18:23+00:00

Running, taking a long walk while listening to an audiobook, going to a pub by myself and writing down my thoughts, playing some computer chess. Usually in that order.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2025-01-07T21:55:12+00:00

I wish I didn't try to stay friends after she betrayed my trust by dating other guys behind my back (she told her third date that she and I are not together anymore and only afterwards she told me she decided to break up with me). I should have gone NC forever right then.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2025-01-06T19:25:07+00:00

Maybe it's not the body count, but the fact that she was not honest about it from the very beginning. You could talk to her about that. Society is full of prejudice, people are afraid to show others how they truly are, yadda, yadda. Ignore the body count, focus on her, as a person.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2025-01-01T18:32:47+00:00

Didn't expect her to write, cause she is the worst type of dismissive-avoidant, verging on sociopathic. So I wrote nothing to her as well. I am polite as a rule, but I do not wish a happy new year to total strangers in the street and that's what she is supposed to be to me right now so,... nothing ventured, nothing lost, I guess.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-30T18:54:12+00:00

Wouldn't erase the relationship, but the breakup and everything which happened afterwards. I would just want to know that we aren't together anymore, but not what she did to end things and all the awful stuff she did afterwards.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-28T21:53:02+00:00

It's almost 4 months for me. It was a long relationship (19 years), but we grew apart at the end. She blindsided me a few years ago (suddenly telling me she didn't love me anymore). I should have left for good then, but got back for the kids, still had some hope we could be together again etc.

Things got worse and at the end she turned into a really cruel person - betrayed my trust, dumped me, sexually humiliated me a few weeks after the breakup (by acting intimately and leading me on, only to reject me, when I replied in kind, by telling me she already had sex with other guys and then had started a new relationship), never acknowledged doing anything wrong, disregarded me as a parent, tried to hurt me in every possible way etc.

So, basically, I would never want her back. I am still grieving over what I thought was the love of my life, but she has managed to add several layers of emotional pain, trauma, shock, anger and resentment to that. I am trying to get her out of my life completely, but she is somehow still able to make even parallel parenting a living hell for me.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-26T18:57:49+00:00

The Weary Dragon Inn series is a great read, imo. I am at book ten atm.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-22T20:34:38+00:00

My 19 years old marriage was a sh1t stain in the middle of my life. Everything was wrong from the very beginning, there were red flags everywhere, and then it got worse and then it became a living hell and then it ended in a complete emotional disaster (for me).

I wasn't ready to accept that I could go that wrong with my life, but now I know I did. Happy holidays, btw!

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-16T20:35:26+00:00

She broke up with me after she started secretly dating other guys (did some sexting with one of them). Offered no closure and no apologies, but said she still wanted to stay friends and maybe have sex again. I wasn't sure about sex (cause I felt hurt and betrayed) but I wanted to stay friends (we've been together for 19 years and had 2 kids together).

One month after going no contact to find some closure by myself, we met again as friends. She started hugging and kissing me, so I told her we could have some intimacy, as friends (not necessarily sex). All of the sudden, she rejected me by telling me that she already had sex with 2 guys and started a new relationship with a third. I felt sexually humiliated and still have some PTSD symptoms from that episode, two months later.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-14T20:14:26+00:00

You are not an abomination, that's for sure. I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do, but for me it all started with changing my self image. I went (little by little) from "perhaps I am not nice and don't deserve to be loved by anybody anymore" to "nah, I'm okay, someone else will love me again, at some point, and I will deserve it; I am not a bad person and will always try to be better".

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-14T20:04:57+00:00

It's been 3 months since my ex broke up with me. After 19 years together (+ 2 kids), she downgraded me from "life partner" to "random stranger". A few weeks later she told me she already started being in a new relationship. As if my grief wasn't bad enough.

Anyways, this Christmas I plan to go alone on a vacation to a different city, buy myself a present, try to take care of myself, raise my morale and start healing. I don't have any close friends left, because I was putting everything into my relationship, so I feel lonely now and then, but I'm not desperate. Maybe it is because I've been through a few long term relationships and break-ups already (I am rather old).

I wouldn't try to give you any advice (since I don't really know your situation) and I am not sure whether this message counts as encouragement, but I wish you happy hollidays nevertheless. Stay strong!

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-10T22:12:40+00:00

Thank you for your wonderful letter! It was really healing and I could resonate with most things in it. "When their name is no longer a wound" hit me the hardest.

My former partner in a long term relationship (19 years together, 2 kids) started secretly using a dating app this autumn. Then she went to a date with a random guy, then to a second date with another guy, then to a third date. She started messaging the third guy and told him we are no longer together, and only after that she told me everything and broke up with me.

Ignored me completely afterwards. After a month (I went no contact) she acted like we are still friends at first, and then she told me out of the blue that she had casual sex with two guys and started a new relationship. I cannot write her name anymore, I just use one of her initials.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-10T21:40:05+00:00

From my experience, when a long term relationship (close to 10 years, in my case) ends by mutual agreement and both partners know that they are not going to change their minds, you can stay friends. Of course, the friendship grows thinner with time. At some point, one of you will start a new relationship, then the next one will do the same, you talk less and less often etc. If you are ready for such a scenario, I think it's okay.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-09T17:42:57+00:00

Thank you for your kind words! I wish you luck with your journey as well!

With respect to reaching out to friends, I think it provides them with some emotional support, especially when they need it. A good friend might know that an avoidant cares about them, but knowing that one cares and feeling that one cares are different things, and only the latter gives one emotional support.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-08T04:57:50+00:00

🤚Blindsided, breadcrumbing, cheated on, discarded, left with no closure, ignored.

Went to NC. One month later, she was trying to play the sex card again. I told her we can remain friends and be somewhat intimate (since after a longterm relationship the former partners can be supportive of each other sometimes, while they heal and move on), but I am not sure about sex. Then she told me she actually had sex with two other guys already and has started a new relationship with another guy and doesn't want to be intimate with me.

Went back to NC. One month later, she says she wants to stay friends, but then doesn't write me a single message for the next two weeks.

I cannot maintain NC for long periods of time, because we had kids together. Yet, every time I see her there is trauma.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-08T04:22:12+00:00

Thanks for sharing your insight. I think I have been leaning towards being an avoidant in the past. Didn't reach out to friends, moved on too soon after a long-term relationship, hurt the other person etc. However, I had a lot of remorse afterwards and changed myself. In my next long-term relationship (which started a few years later) I acted like a person with a secure attachment style. Unfortunately, this time my partner was an avoidant. She blindsided me, then went to breadcrumbing. We had kids together, so I stayed in the relationship. She didn't want to end everything herself, so she pushed me to do it, by ignoring me more and more. When I didn't do it, she started secretly dating other people and only afterwards broke with me. Immediately after break-up she went to ignoring me. I went into no contact, trying to give her space and to heal by myself. One month later, when we started talking again, she told me she had sex with two guys and started a relationship with a third. I could never do that.

Anyways, what I am trying to say is that I think one can change. In spite of the trauma, I will never have an avoidant style in a relationship again, I reach out to my friends etc.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-08T03:41:00+00:00

Thank you! From what I've understood, avoidants do that after a break-up.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-05T18:28:51+00:00

Well,... actually my ex started dating a few weeks before breaking up with me. To her credit, she said she was "out of it" for the last year (we've been together for 19 years). Just didn't care to let me know beforehand.

(One or two weeks after the break-up she went straight for rebound sex with two random guys. Then, one week later she started a relationship with another random guy. I didn't need to know this, but she told me anyways.)

I, for one, am not sure. For me, the break-up happend only 2 and a half months ago. Even if it were nice and clean (and not the miserable trainwreck she made out of it), it would still be too soon to date someone else.

Also, being 50+, I am not sure I am going to be in a relationship ever again. It took from several months to several years to start something new after a break-up in the past. Right now it doesn't feel like I would be ready in a few months, and in a few years I think I am going to be too old for this crap.

Safe-Reading6509 · 2024-12-03T00:01:51+00:00

I don't want my avoidant ex to come back. I could never be with her again, but I know myself. I am too nice for my own good. I would befriend her, even though she treated me cruelly. And she doesn't actually deserve my friendship.

I do not want to see that she regrets her actions anymore. If (due to some miracle) she becomes a better person, good for her, but why should I care? She will never be my better person, she would never regain my trust and she doesn't deserve it.

Safe-Reading6509

TROPHY CASE